Loving an addict
By Traci Davis
July 19, 2017 10:44pm CST
My husband is a drug addict. Currently he is going through yet another relapse. He has stopped meth, and xanax, and pain killers. This last one he is kicking is heroine. It's a really tough one to break. For those that don't know what it's like, imagine the worst flu you could ever have - the chills, the shakes, constantly yawning, your muscles cramping up...everything....now multiply that by about 50 or so times. That's what the detox is like...or at least that's how my husband describes it. Every times he has gotten clean, he has run back to the drugs for one reason or another. This last time it was because he lost his job. Now he has to have carpel tunnel surgery, and he is in so much pain that detoxing right now is just a horrendous idea since he has no way of really managing the pain. This has been the 7th time he's relapsed and i always get asked: "how do you handle it? You must be so strong to handle it." The truth is that yeah, I have to be strong. But not for me. For him. You see, I love my husband, and I wouldn't honestly be able to say that I love him if I gave up on him. I won't deny that I do have my limits, but we are actually no where near hitting them. I only had a small idea of why he kept turning to drugs until I decided to open up his mind and break down his emotional walls. He has never been able to develop any healthy coping skills. He has no hobbies because he was always trying to be what his family wanted him to be. The pressure got to be too much. He started with weed, then he jumped to pain killers. After that he was on the next thing to make him feel better, even though he didn't realize how much he was just burying his real problems. He didn't realize how much more I could unearth. He almost outstubborned me the other day when I suggested not just mental health therapy, but drug counciling too. When I finally got him to realize that he was just denying the possibility of actually getting the tools for fear of being judged, and that he doesn't have to just settle with the person they gave him, he opened his mind and asked me to help him schedule the appointment. Love is the hardest thing to give, next to trust when it comes to addiction, and we all (yes, me too) are completely ignorant when we have never tried it and attempted to get clean. I was my husbands first relationship in 8 years. I promised him every step of the way that I would never judge him, or walk away for some dumb reason. As of this date, he's never laid a hand on me. He's said some REALLY stupid things, but now I can take a step back and instead of react, I can understand. It is hard to stay hopeful sometimes, but every time I look in his eyes, and hear him whispering a prayer at night for help when he thinks I'm asleep, I know that he's trying his hardest. I know he hasn't given up getting clean, and he wants to be a better man for his family. That's why I can stay. I can keep fighting with him, keep pushing him to keep trying. To be kind to himself when he relapses, and to encourage the next sobriety attempt, and even through the long nights, and the fights, and the stupid things he says when he's detoxing, I know that the man I love is in there, and that he's fighting to break free. That's how I can keep this up. That's how I can keep loving an addict.
12 people like this
• Palisade, Colorado
You are so strong and loving. You have the strength to keep going to try to give him all the help and support that you can. When he is able to break free from all of this he will have you to thank first. Way to go young lady. I will be praying for all of you.
• Mesa, Arizona
Thank you so much. I'm trying to get him on the site too, just because maybe there's someone else on here who is afraid to speak up or just needs to know they aren't alone. Real love doesn't end. It stands strong and so will I, for as long as he needsme to.
• Palisade, Colorado
@TraciDavis Good for you. that is a great idea to get him on here. He may find the right person that could help him plus he will be meeting many new friends. If he finds the right person they may get him into a hobby of some kind. Stay strong my friend.
• Legaspi, Philippines
I admire you for the courage to face all the circumstances just to show love and compassion to your husband. Most often, we love someone that meets our standards and when we found out afterward that this person isn't the ideal, we tend to turn our back. But for you staying beside him no matter what, is an admirable trait. Learning to understand our partner would be the key to a positive outcome. I pray for the resolution of your current problems. Have a great day.
• Greencastle, Indiana
here's a BIG hug from me to a person that sticks by her man through thick & thin it takes a STRONG loving caring thoughtful person to deal with such things as this. I stuck it out with my better 1/2 with ALMOST 30 yrs of drinking & I THANK god everyday that he is now free of the stuff. I praise you for your hard work & dedication in sticking with him through his good & bad days, I know it's not easy but when he realizes ALL he has put you through & looks at the REAL pitcher of just what's going on & gets the help he needs & fight the urges & to get clean things will be SO much better.
• United States
I hope if there is a God in the world you get the help you need. I am sure there are tons of woman who want to be so far from that type of love. I am glad you can handle it. You are a very strong person. I am dealing with a lot and after reading this I feel ten times better. I am not going to let this little situation bother me. After reading this I would be a fool. Good luck you deserve e reward for that is some tough shi. I hope when or if he ever sobers up. he feels the same way about you.