Dementia is a Sad Way to Spend Your Final Days

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During the last eight years of my mother's life, she had slowly developing dementia which gradually grew worse. At first, my Dad started paying the bills and my mother admitted she had a little trouble remembering things. Then, three years ago, my mom and dad moved into my sister's spacious home. They had their own apartment in my sister's house, but spent most of their time in the main part of the house with my sister and her husband. My sister has owned several restaurants and is an excellent, healthy cook. She was very committed to my mother's nutrition. However, gradually, my mother lost her appetite, her ability to take care of herself and all of her memories. She became suspicious of strangers, easily frustrated and angry. Eventually, she developed congestive heart failure and died. Last week we found out that my favorite sister-in-law had also developed dementia and her son has now moved her from her ocean view home in Avilla Beach to an assisted living community in Ojai, CA. We went to visit her as soon as we returned from my mother's memorial in St. Louis. My sister-in-law has already forgotten so much! Her son moved her to assisted living when he discovered that she was getting lost driving from her home in Avilla Beach to the gates of her community, a few blocks away. She now lives in a darling cottage in her assisted living community. It is small ... about 100 apartments and cottages. However, she got lost showing us around. She kept telling us she lives across the street from the beach, although she is actually about 15 miles away from the beach now. She did not recognize most of the family members in the photos we showed her. She could not remember attending our daughter's wedding in Virginia; she didn't remember visiting us or the times we visited her; she didn't remember playing golf; she didn't remember how to play the piano. It made me very sad, even though, unlike my mother, my sister-in-law seemed cheerfully oblivious to her memory loss and what was happening outside her new community. She doesn't watch TV, knows nothing about current events, and is only interested in puttering around her cottage, chatting with neighbors and walking her dog. It was hard to see this dynamic fireball of a woman become so diminished. She is the woman sitting on the other side of my husband in the photo above. Dementia is awful. I have read that by the time we are 90, if we live that long, we have a 40 percent chance of developing dementia. By the time we are 80, we have a 10 percent chance of having it. It is very scary knowing that both my husband and I have near relatives with this horrible disease. What a terrible way to die. Have you lost a relative to dementia? Do you currently have a family member with it? If so, you and your family have my sincere sympathy.