It Is Disrespectful! Isn't It!?

@bluesa (15023)
Johannesburg, South Africa
September 19, 2017 8:01am CST
Sometimes I just have to wonder... Single men, why if you know  a woman has a boyfriend would you pursue her? Especially if she has made it clear that she has  a boyfriend she really loves! Don't you realise it is disrespectful and you're probably making things very uncomfortable for her? You might think you're flattering her by pursuing her, but no, she has this man in her life that she really cares for and now she has to fight your advances. Why do you think that is okay? I get that a woman in a relationship is safe for a man who is single and likes to flirt, because he believes she is no threat, she would never pursue him back because she already has a man in her life. What that flirt of a man does not consider is what if her boyfriend finds out about his flirting and then all of a sudden she is no longer in a relationship....You've cost her and off you'll run because she is no longer "safe" to flirt with! But of course, that is not the flirts problem. This is what happened to a friend of mine, she had a boyfriend she really loved, this guy that she needed to work with kept messaging her saying they should get together for a meal and drinks, she told him she had a boyfriend, but he kept joking and flirting with her, she was quite cool toward him and tried to laugh off his advances. Her boyfriend saw a flirty message from the guy and wanted to leave her, the minute she told this guy her boyfriend wanted to leave her, surprise surprise, he stopped messaging her! Luckily she had proof she had kept her messages short and had tried to block this other guys advances and her and her boyfriend are still together, but she had some really awful moments. It just infuriates me when a single guy doesn't respect a woman in a relationship by leaving her in peace and not putting her in a very uncomfortable situation. I know there are single ladies who pursue men in relationships too, though sometimes men are not very clear in stating the fact they are in a relationship. But either way, it is highly disrespectful and putting someone in a possible untenable situation! Isn't it?
19 people like this
19 responses
Yuki
@yukimori (10144)
• United States
19 Sep 17
If the boyfriend in question is going to want to break up with his girlfriend because she's the recipient of unwanted advances, there are deeper issues at play. At the very least, he's insecure in the relationship. What I really don't get is why women have to have a man in their lives to have a "legitimate" reason to rebuff guys like that. Why isn't "I'm not interested in you like that" all that needs to be said? It's not like they're entitled to the relationship they want with any woman just because they want it. Not to mention any guy that ignores such a basic 'no' is throwing up red flags right from the start.
4 people like this
Yuki
@yukimori (10144)
• United States
19 Sep 17
@bluesa With guys like that it's better to just block them so they can't keep sending messages. Maybe if more women stopped responding to them they'd get the idea and try being decent people for a change.
2 people like this
Catherine
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
19 Sep 17
She did clearly tell him she has a boyfriend she loves. And she knew he was a trouble maker and that is why she was cold toward him. Her boyfriend thought she had agreed to meet for lunch with the other guy, from the messages he was sending. Luckily she had proof she did not.
1 person likes this
Mildred Tabitha
@mildredtabitha (16053)
• Nairobi, Kenya
19 Sep 17
Someone once said that nowadays, telling a guy you have a boyfriend won't work. Just tell him you want money and he will leave you alone.
4 people like this
Oshy
@TiarasOceanView (70035)
• United States
19 Sep 17
Yes I agree, people like that are just out to destroy.
4 people like this
Catherine
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
19 Sep 17
Hi, dear OT. Yes, and that infuriates me.
3 people like this
simplyme
@m_audrey6788 (58485)
• Germany
19 Sep 17
I agree with you It`s really a disrespectful way pursuing a woman who are already in a relationship especially when she already keep on telling you that she`s happy with the relationship. I guess, There are a lot of bully man who wants to make your relationship miserable because they are not happy with their own lives
2 people like this
Catherine
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
19 Sep 17
Yes, it could be that because he can't keep a relationship going, he has to try to destroy others.
1 person likes this
Mildred Tabitha
@mildredtabitha (16053)
• Nairobi, Kenya
19 Sep 17
The solution is to tell your man. He will save you from them :)
2 people like this
simplyme
@m_audrey6788 (58485)
• Germany
19 Sep 17
@bluesa ..Yes but I must say this, I also think that the partners should also trust their woman than get jealous for nothing..Right?
2 people like this
DianneN
@DianneN (246900)
• United States
19 Sep 17
Yes, I definitely agree with you. I have to admit that it's the same when one is happily married to her wonderful husband.
2 people like this
Catherine
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
21 Sep 17
@DianneN , oh yes, do we ever
Catherine
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
20 Sep 17
It really makes me see red that people do not respect that a person is happily married or in a good relationship and has to try to destroy it for them.
1 person likes this
DianneN
@DianneN (246900)
• United States
20 Sep 17
@bluesa We both know that some people are idiots!
1 person likes this
Cristy
@magallon (19280)
• Philippines
19 Sep 17
In real truth , there are men who are really like that. In fact i have experienced the same situation during my younger years. Maybe because they believe that they still have the chances to get the woman because she is not yet married.
2 people like this
Catherine
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
19 Sep 17
Sorry this happened to you. Yes, I suppose because she isn't wearing a ring they think they have a right to try.
1 person likes this
Catherine
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
20 Sep 17
@magallon , yes, she should have told her boyfriend but she tried to sort it out herself. Luckily for her things worked out.
1 person likes this
Cristy
@magallon (19280)
• Philippines
20 Sep 17
@bluesa The woman should be firm in making decisions. if she is in that situation she has to inform her boyfriend about it.
1 person likes this
Kandase
@Kandae11 (53679)
•
19 Sep 17
I don't know why they do it, but some try it even when the woman is married.
3 people like this
Catherine
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
19 Sep 17
Yes, it is nauseating! I can't stand it.
2 people like this
Pat Z Anthony
@PatZAnthony (14752)
• Charlotte, North Carolina
23 Sep 17
There is so must disrespect from both sides. These people know what they are doing and don't seem to care who gets hurt.
1 person likes this
Catherine
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
23 Sep 17
Yes, sadly, and I am so disappointed by such people, that they would chase after someone in a relationship is actually pathetic.
Anna
@LadyDuck (458233)
• Switzerland
19 Sep 17
I fully agree with you, imagine those single men who do the same to married women. It's disrespectful and put those women in a very dangerous situation.
1 person likes this
Anna
@LadyDuck (458233)
• Switzerland
20 Sep 17
1 person likes this
Catherine
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
19 Sep 17
Yes, Anna, they have no respect and only think of themselves, shame on them!
1 person likes this
solxee
@sol_cee (38223)
• Philippines
19 Sep 17
Men!!
1 person likes this
simplyme
@m_audrey6788 (58485)
• Germany
19 Sep 17
1 person likes this
solxee
@sol_cee (38223)
• Philippines
19 Sep 17
@mildredtabitha MEN!!! Lol
1 person likes this
Mildred Tabitha
@mildredtabitha (16053)
• Nairobi, Kenya
19 Sep 17
men...
1 person likes this
ingrid
@ridingbet (66857)
• Philippines
20 Sep 17
some men try to do that with hopes that he will get the woman away from her boyfriend. the faithfulness and honesty of the woman is often questioned here if she answers a call, a text message, or an offer for a date. but maybe if the woman tells straightforward to this pursuing man that she is already attached, most likely, the man will bow out.
1 person likes this
Catherine
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
22 Sep 17
This was a stubborn man, my friend, he only bowed out when he thought the boyfriend had left her, then he was no longer interested.
1 person likes this
ingrid
@ridingbet (66857)
• Philippines
24 Sep 17
@bluesa sometimes too, here in my country, crimes happen because of jealousy or the man cannot accept defeat.
1 person likes this
Bhem
@JustBhem (70555)
• Davao, Philippines
19 Sep 17
It's up to the girl if she lures herself to the bait of the guy.
1 person likes this
Catherine
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
19 Sep 17
She did not lure him, she actually tried to put him off, she was just not firm enough. But when she told him she has a boyfriend, he should have backed off.
1 person likes this
Bhem
@JustBhem (70555)
• Davao, Philippines
19 Sep 17
@bluesa I see the guy is disrespectful indeed.
1 person likes this
Timea
@tzwrites (4835)
• Romania
20 Sep 17
I think that some men see it as a challenge to try to "win" a woman that is taken. They are trying to prove they are better than the other guy. Not only is it disrespectful but it is beyond irritating.
1 person likes this
Catherine
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
20 Sep 17
Oh yes, they don't take into consideration that not only are they direspectful but they are an irritant too!
Sunflower23
@Sunflower_Michele54 (58)
• United States
20 Sep 17
I completely agree with what you're saying. It is wrong for a man to flirt with a woman who he knows is not single. Some guys see it as a challenge, especially if he knows the woman is not happy. He uses that to his advantage. which is not right. Some guys just don't care, because they like her too much to give up. They hope that by keeping on pursuing her in every way possible, she'll eventually fall for him. This is especially true if a guy tells a woman that he notices her man treating her like crap. In this case, he'll say that she should be with him because he would treat her better. I understand a guy feeling that way, but just hear the woman out. Don't try to get with her if she still wants to be with her man. I will admit that that does happen in some cases. Which is probably why some guys think it's okay. I still think they're wasting their time, though. They need to pick their battles.
1 person likes this
Catherine
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
21 Sep 17
Yes, I agree with you, some guys that persevere get that woman away from her boyfriend. Only problem is then they struggle to trust her, or they all of a sudden forgets she exists. A lose lose situation if ever.
peachpurple
@peachpurple (13884)
• Malaysia
22 Sep 17
There are selfish men who play tricks on women because they think it is fun and challenging, sometimes they make a bet too
1 person likes this
Catherine
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
22 Sep 17
Yes, you're right. They think it is a game. I have heard about those type of bets, it really infuriates me.
1 person likes this
peachpurple
@peachpurple (13884)
• Malaysia
22 Sep 17
@bluesa guys are like that, they take women as their "pawn" they are the players.
1 person likes this
prashu
@prashu228 (37526)
• India
19 Sep 17
Yes of course highly disrespectful..
1 person likes this
Faye
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
19 Sep 17
Both anger me - the boyfriend for being that insecure , and the pursuer. Nothing wrong with asking once, but if a person would rather not be pursued best to respect that. I think your friend may be best off without either of those 2.
1 person likes this
Catherine
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
19 Sep 17
Yes, I agree her boyfriend should trust her and both have treated her unfairly, she really loves her boyfriend though. With my temper, both would no longer be in my life.
John Wilson Murphree Jr.
@JWMURP (51)
•
19 Sep 17
Disrespecting other people is never good,,,the saying 'Do to others as you want them to do to you applies here, as in almost all human relationships, it seems to me.
1 person likes this
Catherine
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
19 Sep 17
Yes, I agree with you, one day he might be in a relationship and someone could make things uncomfortable for him.
William Rice
@William21001 (2637)
• Havre De Grace, Maryland
20 Sep 17
People want what they cant have and yea that out to destory happiness
1 person likes this
Jonathan Quintin
@kgbeat (9)
•
28 Feb 22
Honnestly .. from my point of view..as a man..I think that this man who already knows that the girl is in a relation .trying to flirt or get sum from her ..no matter if the couple is doin fine or not....is a looser! Not only that .l! I think it says alot about how your relation would be with a man like that! Where is the satisfaction or gratitude into trying to get someone else girl? Unfortunatly theres alot of them vampires on this planet but u know ..a real couple who loves each other has no secrets so if it puts the girl in a unconfortable place ! Maybe she should talk about it right away to her boyfriend or husband so theres no confusion! COMMUNICATION AND honesty always win!