The Story In The Song - Benny Hill - Ernie The Fastest Milkman In The West

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1970 / 1971 Though rightly regarded as the best British comedy novelty song of all time, Benny Hill’s Ernie is also a Western, a ghost story, a tale of a duel to the death, and a tragic tale of love and betrayal. Not bad in a song lasting three minutes and fifty-two seconds. Hill worked as a milkman, and wrote the song as part of an unused screenplay as early as 1955 based very loosely on his own experiences and observations. High speed milk-delivery would not actually work as the milk would churn badly. In the song, set in London, rather than the American West, Ernie rides a horse drawn milk-cart, pulled by his faithful horse, Trigger. Ernie has an affair with a woman called Sue, who he delivers milk to, until he discovers that she is also involved with Ted, a bakery products deliverer who weighs two tons. Ted angers Ernie by kicking Trigger and offering a shilling bet card game gambling opportunity in which the winner gets to marry Sue. The duel starts, literally a bun fight, with Ernie knocking the bun out of Ted’s hand with a well aimed yoghurt, but Ted hits Ernie in the heart with a rock cake and then in the eye with a pork pie, killing the milkman. Sue marries Ted, despite his appalling treatment towards her, but Ernie’s ghost disturbs their wedding night by rattling milk bottles in their crate. It is a raunchy song. Sue lets Ernie literally fill her bath with milk, and he visits her three times weekly, while the widow also sees Ted. It is exciting, as the tense bun-fight is described well. Ernie getting vengeful is creepy and of course, it remains extremely funny too. The song on Youtube Arthur Chappell