How would you take this?

@ricki_911 (19957)
Toronto, Ontario
November 25, 2017 8:53pm CST
I have been seeing a guy for a few dates. We are part of the single group and he asked me if i was going to the coffee tonight. I had said since i had dinner tonight with my Grandma i was unsure. But free Sunday and we had planned to go out Sunday. He kept pushing to go out tonight. But i had already made planned and explained what they were. He said he couldnt make tonight at 830pm ( it was at 9pm) he waa going over his finances with his dad. To me this is red flags that at 29 he can't functuonally sit down and figure a solution without his dad. He has 4 kids and how can he not be able to handle the basic financial decisions.
6 people like this
8 responses
@jstory07 (71213)
• Roseburg, Oregon
26 Nov
Some people can not sit down and figure out their finances.
1 person likes this
@ricki_911 (19957)
• Toronto, Ontario
26 Nov
It shows immaturity and irreslonsibility. Iam starting to rethink this. I can't say iam steady and financially smart. But i pay my bills and can sit doen saying x needs to go here. Examplenif i buy a car i need to pay x for insurance and x for car loans. I realize this before i even go so it.
1 person likes this
@jstory07 (71213)
• Roseburg, Oregon
26 Nov
@ricki_911 That is how my husband and I are. We have a budget and stick to it and if an emergency comes up we have money in savings.
1 person likes this
@ricki_911 (19957)
• Toronto, Ontario
26 Nov
@jstory07 Exactly! I do get things get hard. I do have minor credit card owing. But iam activaly paying it ( i kbow i caused it but sat doen figuring how to pay it). My parents know nothing if my spending at all. I asked him if he had a budget and he said no not really. So why is your dad sitting down and doing it.
• Philippines
26 Nov
Well, he needs to be more understanding if this person really wants the positive things from you.
1 person likes this
@ricki_911 (19957)
• Toronto, Ontario
26 Nov
This is very true. I think he needs to deal with the problem (aka his ex) first. He has missed bills because she refuses to pay her car payments which is in both their names.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (44331)
26 Nov
That is definitely a red flag. I would say goodbye to him and not go out with him again.
@ricki_911 (19957)
• Toronto, Ontario
26 Nov
I am thinking so. He has to sit down with his dad and have a budget. Did he do this before?. He had owned a house and car etc. So i assumed he was decent with money.
@Hannihar (44331)
26 Nov
@ricki_911 He could have been in debt with the car and house Ricki.
@josie_ (8018)
• Philippines
26 Nov
Unless you are looking for an accountant or book-keeper, some people have no head for numbers nor planning a budget and I see no reason not to seek advice from others who have the know-how. Since you mention about meeting in a single's group, I am assuming he is a single parent. I would be more interested in his relationship with his 4 kids. Also why his last relationship failed.
@ricki_911 (19957)
• Toronto, Ontario
26 Nov
His ex basically locked him out and moved a new guy in the same day. He can't see his kids due to court and his ex. He has been honest about that. Which i was leary about. Iam not supporting him nor his kids made that clear.
1 person likes this
@josie_ (8018)
• Philippines
26 Nov
@ricki_911 _If a man can't support his family then he's not a responsible person. Better forgo any thought of any relationship other than just being friends.
@lady1993 (20416)
• Philippines
26 Nov
at 29, he should at least be stable in some aspects.. that is kind of a big no no
@ricki_911 (19957)
• Toronto, Ontario
26 Nov
That is how i view it. He should be able to sit down and do his own budget.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (9193)
• United States
26 Nov
I agree with you that there are lots of red flags. First is he cannot seem to accept that things will not always go his way. I cannot think why he would keep pushing to go out when it is not a good time for you. Seems to me that he is not too considerate of other people, just when it is convenient for him. I also agree that his financial situation also speaks of the way he prioritizes and how he takes his responsibilities. I cannot blame you if you start having second thoughts about him.
@ricki_911 (19957)
• Toronto, Ontario
26 Nov
It's jist the little things. I have small credit card xebt and need to buy a new car. So yes owing is a part of life. But i believe he owe more than hr can handle. But the fact he cant sit down and say x amount goes here and x amount goes here. Bit the fact he hasnt financially settled with his ex. She is not paying her car payments and he is.
@hereandthere (33020)
• Philippines
26 Nov
maybe it's better that little signs like these are showing up now before you get too involved. does he and his 4 kids live with his dad?
@ricki_911 (19957)
• Toronto, Ontario
26 Nov
He lives wih his parents whereas the kids live with the mother.
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (142246)
• United States
26 Nov
That would not be a red flag for me. I a good with budgets and others are good with other things. I would be so eager to sit and help him. There is no age to stop learning. So it would be nothing for me. My man can count in his head without thinking about it.I go right along with him because I can't do math. So he can only enhance me. Maybe you could look for ways to enrich his.
@ricki_911 (19957)
• Toronto, Ontario
26 Nov
Its more than math. I write it down and do math onnpaper not in my head. Thisnis whether he can ssy i bring in x amount of money, and x amount goes to bills. If he can't budget a paycheque to pay his bills say car, etc. Just means i will not move in with him nor have any financial bring with him. He also admitted he has a lot of debt with his ex. I told him he needs to fix and close that door before opening my door.