How would you take this?
@ricki_911 (21625)
Toronto, Ontario
November 25, 2017 8:53pm CST
I have been seeing a guy for a few dates.
We are part of the single group and he asked me if i was going to the coffee tonight. I had said since i had dinner tonight with my Grandma i was unsure. But free Sunday and we had planned to go out Sunday.
He kept pushing to go out tonight. But i had already made planned and explained what they were.
He said he couldnt make tonight at 830pm ( it was at 9pm) he waa going over his finances with his dad. To me this is red flags that at 29 he can't functuonally sit down and figure a solution without his dad. He has 4 kids and how can he not be able to handle the basic financial decisions.
6 people like this
7 responses
@ricki_911 (21625)
• Toronto, Ontario
26 Nov 17
It shows immaturity and irreslonsibility.
Iam starting to rethink this. I can't say iam steady and financially smart. But i pay my bills and can sit doen saying x needs to go here.
Examplenif i buy a car i need to pay x for insurance and x for car loans. I realize this before i even go so it.
1 person likes this
@jstory07 (134464)
• Roseburg, Oregon
26 Nov 17
@ricki_911 That is how my husband and I are. We have a budget and stick to it and if an emergency comes up we have money in savings.
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@ricki_911 (21625)
• Toronto, Ontario
26 Nov 17
@jstory07 Exactly! I do get things get hard. I do have minor credit card owing. But iam activaly paying it ( i kbow i caused it but sat doen figuring how to pay it). My parents know nothing if my spending at all. I asked him if he had a budget and he said no not really. So why is your dad sitting down and doing it.
@Letranknight2015 (51532)
• Philippines
26 Nov 17
Well, he needs to be more understanding if this person really wants the positive things from you.
1 person likes this
@ricki_911 (21625)
• Toronto, Ontario
26 Nov 17
This is very true. I think he needs to deal with the problem (aka his ex) first. He has missed bills because she refuses to pay her car payments which is in both their names.
1 person likes this
@ricki_911 (21625)
• Toronto, Ontario
26 Nov 17
That is how i view it. He should be able to sit down and do his own budget.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12257)
• United States
26 Nov 17
I agree with you that there are lots of red flags. First is he cannot seem to accept that things will not always go his way. I cannot think why he would keep pushing to go out when it is not a good time for you. Seems to me that he is not too considerate of other people, just when it is convenient for him. I also agree that his financial situation also speaks of the way he prioritizes and how he takes his responsibilities.
I cannot blame you if you start having second thoughts about him.
@ricki_911 (21625)
• Toronto, Ontario
26 Nov 17
It's jist the little things. I have small credit card xebt and need to buy a new car. So yes owing is a part of life. But i believe he owe more than hr can handle. But the fact he cant sit down and say x amount goes here and x amount goes here. Bit the fact he hasnt financially settled with his ex. She is not paying her car payments and he is.
@josie_ (9763)
• Philippines
26 Nov 17
Unless you are looking for an accountant or book-keeper, some people have no head for numbers nor planning a budget and I see no reason not to seek advice from others who have the know-how. Since you mention about meeting in a single's group, I am assuming he is a single parent. I would be more interested in his relationship with his 4 kids. Also why his last relationship failed.
@ricki_911 (21625)
• Toronto, Ontario
26 Nov 17
His ex basically locked him out and moved a new guy in the same day. He can't see his kids due to court and his ex. He has been honest about that.
Which i was leary about. Iam not supporting him nor his kids made that clear.
1 person likes this
@josie_ (9763)
• Philippines
26 Nov 17
@ricki_911 _If a man can't support his family then he's not a responsible person. Better forgo any thought of any relationship other than just being friends.
@Hannihar (129481)
• Israel
26 Nov 17
That is definitely a red flag. I would say goodbye to him and not go out with him again.
@ricki_911 (21625)
• Toronto, Ontario
26 Nov 17
I am thinking so. He has to sit down with his dad and have a budget. Did he do this before?. He had owned a house and car etc. So i assumed he was decent with money.
@Hannihar (129481)
• Israel
26 Nov 17
@ricki_911
He could have been in debt with the car and house Ricki.
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
26 Nov 17
maybe it's better that little signs like these are showing up now before you get too involved. does he and his 4 kids live with his dad?
@ricki_911 (21625)
• Toronto, Ontario
26 Nov 17
He lives wih his parents whereas the kids live with the mother.
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