Jewelry and Courting
By Darcy Nemo
December 3, 2017 3:37am CST
A family friend, an Italian 30ish guy (in IT) was seriously courting an Italian girl (a butterfly type, quite pretty, working in admin for some embassy). He bought her as gifts during this courting period, lots of gold jewelry. Seems as it is a custom among the Italians to court with jewelry. If the girl accepts the jewelry, it means she is accepting him. They were discussing wedding and where to live after their marriage, when suddenly the whole thing was off. She said she thought they were just friends. She didn't return the jewelry however. Should she if she has rejected the guy? --- Is jewelry involved in courtship where you live?
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@hereandthere That was just the beginning of his unlucky period! Soon after, he did some risky investment (we advised him NOT to do it) but he was in a strange mood after that breakup. Well, he lost 20 to 50 thousand dollars in one go. The poor guy. (He is quite OK financially. Just unlucky a bit!)
But he was courting her with the approval of their parents. Guess he was so sure of her? (They did talk about marriage and we were supposed to attend.) I feel terrible the fact that she smilingly said goodbye to him after getting lots of expensive stuff. That guy was unlucky.
@lady1993 Sometimes that rule doesn't apply to some people. I have seen some who spent their whole life conning or using others. These bad people are enjoying their life even now, at the age of 80+, with lots of money to go here there everywhere for holiday. I heard them laughing chatting with each other, saying, there is no such thing as God or Karma!
I know what you mean about 'gifts are gifts'. I have pretty relatives who happily pocketed all those wonderful gifts from admirers. Their argument was: 'hey, I didn't ask for them. He gave me. If I didn't accept those pretty things, he would likely give them away to someone else anyway.'
• United States
Yes jumping way back in your discussions. Just realized I hadn't seen and replied to many. So here I am!! LOL!! That said, here if you get gifts they are considered yours, but I think that most knows what is happening and knows when someone is interested like that. I personally think it is wrong to keep things and to me it screams user.
@FayeHazel I feel embarrassed now. I gave you a wrong reply (thought I was in another discussion). I had no choice but to delete my comment, but that took your comment away too. I hope he met a nice girl too (I tell you something, he is not an easy guy, nice, but fussy. Sometimes I wonder if that young lady realized suddenly that he was going to restrict her from going to dancing, parties, and that was why she decided to run.)
@YrNemo That's true and not true, I ended up with a fabulous husband and to answer your question, I think she should have given the gold back.... But she might have been just interested in the gold to begin with.... Then you have to wonder if she is just fake or looking to her future without him....liking the gold. We will never know...
• Marion, Kansas
If someone were buying me jewelry I would know they were more than just friends. However, if the jewelry is given as gifts, it is hers. An engagement ring, if given, I believe, should be returned if the marriage is cancelled.