Jewelry and Courting

@YrNemo (12638)
December 3, 2017 3:37am CST
A family friend, an Italian 30ish guy (in IT) was seriously courting an Italian girl (a butterfly type, quite pretty, working in admin for some embassy). He bought her as gifts during this courting period, lots of gold jewelry. Seems as it is a custom among the Italians to court with jewelry. If the girl accepts the jewelry, it means she is accepting him. They were discussing wedding and where to live after their marriage, when suddenly the whole thing was off. She said she thought they were just friends. She didn't return the jewelry however. Should she if she has rejected the guy? --- Is jewelry involved in courtship where you live?
18 people like this
18 responses
@ilocosboy (34311)
• Philippines
3 Dec
He he, she's after the jewelry and she just got one
2 people like this
@YrNemo (12638)
3 Dec
Not one piece, lots: bracelets, necklaces, rings, anklets, pendants, etc. (gold). She showed me some. He was very busy searching for more jewelry to buy her.
2 people like this
• Philippines
3 Dec
@YrNemo oh, i hope he didn't get into debt after all that
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
3 Dec
@hereandthere That was just the beginning of his unlucky period! Soon after, he did some risky investment (we advised him NOT to do it) but he was in a strange mood after that breakup. Well, he lost 20 to 50 thousand dollars in one go. The poor guy. (He is quite OK financially. Just unlucky a bit!)
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (17462)
• Philippines
3 Dec
i think giving that is more appropriate when you are in a relationship already.. since it is very expensive... both parties should have clarified what they wanted form each other
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@YrNemo (12638)
3 Dec
But he was courting her with the approval of their parents. Guess he was so sure of her? (They did talk about marriage and we were supposed to attend.) I feel terrible the fact that she smilingly said goodbye to him after getting lots of expensive stuff. That guy was unlucky.
@lady1993 (17462)
• Philippines
4 Dec
@YrNemo oh well, what goes around comes around..
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
4 Dec
@lady1993 Sometimes that rule doesn't apply to some people. I have seen some who spent their whole life conning or using others. These bad people are enjoying their life even now, at the age of 80+, with lots of money to go here there everywhere for holiday. I heard them laughing chatting with each other, saying, there is no such thing as God or Karma!
1 person likes this
@topffer (34096)
• France
3 Dec
50% of couples never marry on this side of the Alps... An engagement ring is usually offered by the groom. For the rest, gifts are gifts, it would be more correct to send them back, but it is not mandatory.
2 people like this
@YrNemo (12638)
3 Dec
I know what you mean about 'gifts are gifts'. I have pretty relatives who happily pocketed all those wonderful gifts from admirers. Their argument was: 'hey, I didn't ask for them. He gave me. If I didn't accept those pretty things, he would likely give them away to someone else anyway.'
1 person likes this
@topffer (34096)
• France
3 Dec
@YrNemo Yes, it is a matter of personal ethics, and it is an elastic notion.
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
3 Dec
@topffer IF I were a man and had given some girls I loved some jewelry, it would be awkward to get the jewelry back anyway. UNLESS they were heirloom stuff.
1 person likes this
@Ithink (10673)
• United States
4 Jan
Yes jumping way back in your discussions. Just realized I hadn't seen and replied to many. So here I am!! LOL!! That said, here if you get gifts they are considered yours, but I think that most knows what is happening and knows when someone is interested like that. I personally think it is wrong to keep things and to me it screams user.
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
4 Jan
I don't like to be beholden to anyone, so there is no way that I would accept such a gift. I have a few relatives who think differently about this topic however.
1 person likes this
@Ithink (10673)
• United States
5 Jan
@YrNemo I just think it is wrong, to me sounds like she knew what she was doing in accepting the gifts and she was stringing him along for them.
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
5 Jan
@Ithink Everyone in our circle thought so too. She was like a butterfly, gone, and that was it (she was from another city I heard).
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (17981)
• United States
3 Dec
Wow. I think I want an Italian boyfriend now. No jewelry custom here, other than promise rings, and then engagement/wedding rings I think he should have asked for it back.
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
4 Jan
That guy was so embarrassed afterward. The gal acted like it was his fault in misunderstanding the whole situation. (But we met the couples a few times before that, they talked about marriage in front of us.)
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (17981)
• United States
4 Jan
@YrNemo Poor guy, I feel bad for him. Now he will be more cautious in future. But hopefully will still spoil the right girl
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
6 Jan
@FayeHazel I feel embarrassed now. I gave you a wrong reply (thought I was in another discussion). I had no choice but to delete my comment, but that took your comment away too. I hope he met a nice girl too (I tell you something, he is not an easy guy, nice, but fussy. Sometimes I wonder if that young lady realized suddenly that he was going to restrict her from going to dancing, parties, and that was why she decided to run.)
1 person likes this
@PainsOnSlate (20254)
• Canada
4 Dec
Jewelry was never involved with my courtships, the jewelry came came with the marriage.
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
4 Jan
That young lady was luckier than us .
1 person likes this
• Canada
4 Jan
@YrNemo That's true and not true, I ended up with a fabulous husband and to answer your question, I think she should have given the gold back.... But she might have been just interested in the gold to begin with.... Then you have to wonder if she is just fake or looking to her future without him....liking the gold. We will never know...
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
5 Jan
1 person likes this
@gullver (544)
• Egypt
3 Dec
Yes, here jewelry is a very important thing for marriage, and if something happened or in the case of divorce, she must return jewelry and many other things back
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
3 Dec
But while courting prior to the marriage, is the guy supposed to give the girl heaps of gold jewelry?
1 person likes this
@gullver (544)
• Egypt
3 Dec
@YrNemo No, this usually doesn't happen, but he give her other kinds of gifts
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@YrNemo (12638)
3 Dec
@gullver Thanks for that.
1 person likes this
@paigea (22195)
• Canada
9 Dec
It does sound as though she was leading him on. I never accepted jewelry from a friend.
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
10 Dec
I avoid accepting expensive gifts from people in general, unless they come from my close family.
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (38214)
• United States
6 Dec
Sounds like she was a gold digger literally. For a birthday or Christmas, a gift of jewelry could be acceptable from a friend but nothing else to my way of thinking.
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
6 Dec
We are people with a strong sense of rights and wrongs .
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13421)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
5 Dec
Oh boy, to me, accepting jewellery from a man is a big no no if you're just friends! If I know I think of a guy as just a friend I will not accept jewellery from him.
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
5 Dec
Same here. I declined everything just to avoid trouble.
1 person likes this
@averygirl72 (16656)
• Philippines
4 Dec
She should return the jewelry but maybe she like to keep it but not the man. I think jewelry is not involve in courtship here maybe just flowers and chocolates
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
4 Jan
That guy was courting her with the blessing from the parents from both sides. A pity that he had wasted his money and time in exchange for heartache.
@ridingbet (52704)
• Philippines
4 Dec
giving of jewelry as gifts do not resume the guy is courting the lady. besides, the man should say to the lady that he is courting her.
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
4 Jan
Their courting was arranged between the two families. They were very close to set the date for the wedding. (She should return the jewelry if she didn't want to go ahead with the marriage anymore, right?)
@cahaya1983 (10053)
• Malaysia
4 Dec
Wow, wouldn't that make it easy for girls to take advantage if it's a custom to court with jewelry? Jewelry is only given as engagement and wedding gifts here, not before.
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
4 Jan
I just know that we missed out all those jewelry when we were being courted!
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@JudyEv (123170)
• Bunbury, Australia
4 Dec
I don't think she is obligated to give back the gifts but as soon as she had decided she wouldn't marry him she should have stopped accepting them. But maybe in his culture the gifts would be returned.
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@YrNemo (12638)
4 Jan
I am curious too about this situation. Theirs was an arranged situation, both parents had met each other.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (77984)
• United States
4 Dec
Jewelry is considered a gift. I'd feel funny accepting expensive jewelry from a "friend" and would return it. My sis in law's sister married an Italian ambassador. I wonder if she was courted with such jewelry? lol
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
4 Jan
Bet you she was.
@GardenGerty (99194)
• United States
3 Dec
If someone were buying me jewelry I would know they were more than just friends. However, if the jewelry is given as gifts, it is hers. An engagement ring, if given, I believe, should be returned if the marriage is cancelled.
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
4 Jan
It would be uncomfortable to receive jewelry (lots) from just friends I think (unless the receivers give some gifts back with similar value, how do you think?)
@shivamani10 (11233)
• Hyderabad, India
3 Dec
In India, after the both convey their acceptance there will be an exchange of some gold jewelry.This is a tradition for some families.
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (12638)
3 Dec
So the future bride also gives the future groom some gold jewelry? I think that is very fair, but, men only wear thick necklaces, calculate the quantity of gold, then the bride's side makes a loss! (I am too calculating aren't I! )
@tzwrites (4912)
• Romania
6 Dec
It seems like she used him, took the jewelry and probably has no intention of ever getting back together with him. She should have either rejected the gifts or returned some at least.
1 person likes this