just another day
By Elizabeth
@Poppylicious (11133)
January 17, 2018 1:22am CST
Sometimes I sit in a classroom, zoning out whilst the tutor drones on, doodling in my notebook in an effort to stay awake. At such times I wonder why I do the job I do. I dont feel that I'm contributing anything positive to student life, or enriching their learning experience. I know that for some students it is purely the fact that I am in the room, available as a familiar face, if they require some support, but it can get so exhausting, doing so very little.
And then, BOOM!!! Stuff happens. Suddenly there's an intensity to my job that wipes me out, utterly and completely. I end up running around like a headless chicken, flapping my wings to a ridiculously fast beat. Exhaustion sets in for a different reason. The world seems bleak and painful, dark clouds scudding along in a cold breeze.
I want to offload in the staffroom, but this is impossible due to the offloading of everybody else. So I bite my tongue, empathise with the sh!t day my colleagues have had, uttering an occasional there, there as appropriate, quashing down my feelings until they don't matter anymore.
And I long for a lesson with no intensity and no kerfuffle, one where I can sit and discretely doodle.
*sigh*
4 people like this
4 responses
@WorDazza (15833)
• Manchester, England
17 Jan 18
Long periods of nothingness interspersed with periods of intense activity are very stressful and tiring to deal with. You need to find someone you can sound off to rather than being the sounding board for your colleagues. You should never feel that your feelings don't matter.
Putting it out on myLot should help a little. You know we're always here for you!
2 people like this
@WorDazza (15833)
• Manchester, England
18 Jan 18
@Poppylicious Funnily enough I've had a very similar conversation with someone else very recently about how we are who we are and we ain't going to change. And there's me trying to get you to change!!!
Just ignore me!! Most people do!
@Poppylicious (11133)
•
17 Jan 18
When I was nine my Mumsy was in Hospital and I was staying with a friend, for weeks. Her mummy told me not to bottle things up and I remember that as clear as if she's saying it to me now. Point being, I've always been a bottler. I'm not going to change now! I'll keep going, because that's what I do, and it's a difficult habit to break.
2 people like this
@Poppylicious (11133)
•
17 Jan 18
This isn't just last minute work unfortunately. This is horrid stuff, safeguarding issues and the like. My end of day is never the issue that it is for others, mostly because my paperwork is always up to date. Thank goodness. :)
1 person likes this
@xFiacre (12628)
• Ireland
17 Jan 18
@poppylicious My wife subs as a classroom assistant in special needs school. Was called in last week and school closed an hour later because of snow - no stress, just a day’s pay for doing nothing.
1 person likes this
@Poppylicious (11133)
•
17 Jan 18
I feel really guilty when sitting in classes doing nothing, like I'm not earning my keep!
1 person likes this
@Poppylicious (11133)
•
17 Jan 18
I don't think that's possible. Well, it is sometimes. I had my most boringly dull lesson today, immediately followed by most favourite, which is busy but not dramatic. I wish all my lessons were simply that ... busy, but no drama. Unfortunately I support mostly in very female orientated vocational classes {Childcare and Health & Social Care} so most lessons are busy and chocabloc full of drama.
1 person likes this
