Its a beautiful morning....almost!

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I actually got a fairly good night's sleep for a change. I drank a cup of my sleep aide tea and I so totally relaxed...I had sweet dreams about having a house FULL of kittens. I was holding one of the Siamese kittens and one was on this horrible old Man's lap. The old man was being mean to me so the kitten on his lap bit him. Just as the kitten bit the old man, poof...the old man disappeared! I went on playing with the kittens. Bill woke me up around 7:30, tapping me on the shoulder. I finally got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I decided that so nice the sun was out and it was a bright and beautiful day I would get dressed and work on teddy bears. Everything was so bright and beautiful nothing could ruin it.....well almost nothing! I bent over to pull up my jeans and I had a fart explode from me that peeled the wallpaper off all four walls in unison! The cloud was blacker than midnight on Halloween night! I couldn't believe something that horrible came out of me!!! I decided it was a fluke and finished dressing in a hurry. The house was a bit cold so I snuggeled in front of the gas heater. The warmth sure felt good. Suddenly, without warning, another noxious black cloud erupted from my blow hole. I raced from the heater for two reasons. One, it is a propane heater and the pilot light is at the bottom of the heater...if it should be flammable I didn't want to be close. Number two reason is the stench from that fart was ten times worse than the smell of the first fart!. I grabbed my tea and sat on the couch wondering what caused the gas attack and the even bigger question, WHY was it so fragrant? I passed a few more, but haven't stood up. I don't want to see the damage to the couch from the odoriferous farts, and I don't want to experience any aftershocks from the horrible smell!. I jest need to figure out what I consumed to cause that horrific a case of the whiskey farts! Even dog farts didn't smell that bad!