"Poor her" my hat!
By Faye
@FayeHazel (40248)
United States
February 8, 2018 4:42pm CST
Originally I was much more peevish , so I decided to re-write this post. (You're welcome) 
But even with trying to condense this post, it does require a little bit of back story.
I've had a huge crush on my friend's brother for years now. He is single (unmarried) and moved out in our area 2 years ago. 
And - a few months ago - he asked me for my phone number and we began flirting via texts. On a couple of occasions * he suggested* that we could meet somewhere. (Please note: his idea.)
And of course , because this is me and I have real bad luck with men, and my friend's brother is a man.... we never got together.
One time I saw him alone (rare, because usually he is around my friend, his sister) and told me that he wasn't interested in me. (this is after many flirty R rated texts) His reasons included that he didn't want my friend/his sister to find out (why not? I'm 36 , he's in his 50s - we are both adult) -, he thinks I'm immature (implied), and last but not least he is in love with a married women who lives some states away and *her* feelings would be hurt if she knew he even had texted me. 
Now, of course I'm let down once again and unhappy about being led on and then being reminded of how inadequate I am.... but the main thing that angers me is -
his "poor her" treatment of this woman.
When he said that she would have hurt feelings because he texted me... I couldn't help it. I told him that *she* has someone. *She* has a *husband*. But, quick to defend his married "girlfriend" he countered "Oh, but he's mean/controlling to her."
Excuse me?
Well. Her husband allows her to own/run a business. Her husband allows her to hang out with friend's brother - alone. He went out there to visit her recently and she was going to drive him from the airport. A "mean and controlling" husband wouldn't stand for that for one minute.
I have friends and family who are in troubled relationships.
This doesn't sound like one to me.
In fact it's probably the wife in this case that is tormenting the husband.
And where, exactly does this chick get off telling friend's brother that he isn't allowed to flirt/text people? She's married for crying out loud. And she's been leading on friend's brother for 8 years now.
Well, that's his choice.
It just angers me. Telling me that she's being controlled by her mean husband downplays everyone who actually is in a bad relationship.
Oh. Last time I saw him he was trying to flirt with me. I didn't respond. He already said that he didn't want it/it would hurt *her* feelings.
I'm irritated. Thanks for listening.
Fitting song:
But even with trying to condense this post, it does require a little bit of back story.
I've had a huge crush on my friend's brother for years now. He is single (unmarried) and moved out in our area 2 years ago.
And - a few months ago - he asked me for my phone number and we began flirting via texts. On a couple of occasions * he suggested* that we could meet somewhere. (Please note: his idea.)
And of course , because this is me and I have real bad luck with men, and my friend's brother is a man.... we never got together.
One time I saw him alone (rare, because usually he is around my friend, his sister) and told me that he wasn't interested in me. (this is after many flirty R rated texts) His reasons included that he didn't want my friend/his sister to find out (why not? I'm 36 , he's in his 50s - we are both adult) -, he thinks I'm immature (implied), and last but not least he is in love with a married women who lives some states away and *her* feelings would be hurt if she knew he even had texted me.
Now, of course I'm let down once again and unhappy about being led on and then being reminded of how inadequate I am.... but the main thing that angers me is -
his "poor her" treatment of this woman.
When he said that she would have hurt feelings because he texted me... I couldn't help it. I told him that *she* has someone. *She* has a *husband*. But, quick to defend his married "girlfriend" he countered "Oh, but he's mean/controlling to her."
Excuse me?
Well. Her husband allows her to own/run a business. Her husband allows her to hang out with friend's brother - alone. He went out there to visit her recently and she was going to drive him from the airport. A "mean and controlling" husband wouldn't stand for that for one minute.
I have friends and family who are in troubled relationships.
This doesn't sound like one to me.
In fact it's probably the wife in this case that is tormenting the husband.
And where, exactly does this chick get off telling friend's brother that he isn't allowed to flirt/text people? She's married for crying out loud. And she's been leading on friend's brother for 8 years now.
Well, that's his choice.
It just angers me. Telling me that she's being controlled by her mean husband downplays everyone who actually is in a bad relationship.
Oh. Last time I saw him he was trying to flirt with me. I didn't respond. He already said that he didn't want it/it would hurt *her* feelings.
I'm irritated. Thanks for listening.
Fitting song:
Wanda Jackson - Stupid Cupid (1959), best of rock 'n' roll music, the greatest rock and roll hits from the 50s & 60s. Visit us on facebook: https://www.faceb...
17 people like this
17 responses
@just4him (306352)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
9 Feb 18
@FayeHazel You need to stiffen up that backbone. Me, I would have wiped his name and number out of my phone the moment he told me that.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
9 Feb 18
Thanks Valerie, you are right....
I am weak! He's actually texted me a few times since. I will reply (I know, stupid idea) - but when he flirts I ignore that/don't respond. He's the one who said he didn't like it. :/
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
14 Feb 18
@just4him lol. You are right about that. I need some assertive classes
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (325815)
• Rockingham, Australia
10 Feb 18
@FayeHazel There is no accounting for attractions sometimes.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
9 Feb 18
Thanks Judy. 
It still stumps me why I'm still attracted. Wish I weren't. :/
It still stumps me why I'm still attracted. Wish I weren't. :/1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
14 Feb 18
@shaggin True - great point. If what he says is so - why should she be able to tell him what he can and cannot do
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
9 Feb 18
Ah, I'm finding it confusing too.
Apparently - Friend's brother and the woman spend time together, but (according to him) - they haven't done anything physical. (At least that's good)
Yeah, if anything - I think *she's* the mean/control freak in this situation. A control freak husband wouldn't allow his wife to hang out all the time with some single guy - alone.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
9 Feb 18
Thanks for the head's up. Here I had thought this was the original
1 person likes this
@amadeo (111948)
• United States
9 Feb 18
@FayeHazel Did you hear that one.I have to check this one.I will be backk.
@amadeo (111948)
• United States
9 Feb 18
@FayeHazelhttps://youtu.be/2kJA8v577W8
Here it is Connie Francis
Skip navigation Sign inSearch Loading... Close Yeah, keep it Undo Close Watch QueueQueueWatch QueueQueue The next video is startingstop Loading... Watch Queue Queue __count__/__total__ Loading... Find out whyClose jukejointjohnny48 Loading... Unsubscribe
2 people like this
@WorDazza (15833)
• Manchester, England
9 Feb 18
The only person in this story who isn't inadequate is you!!
Sounds like this married woman is enjoying the attention she gets from him but is keeping him at arm's length too. He's being played! Don't let him play you. You're worth far more than that!!
3 people like this
@WorDazza (15833)
• Manchester, England
12 Feb 18
@FayeHazel Sounds like he's trying to get you to do all of the running here. By saying his married woman will be hurt he thinks that gives him carte blanche to carry on flirting with you but if he gets found out by his married woman he can say 'look, it wasn't me, I told her she shouldn't be doing this, it was her being all flirty and I'm just a poor pathetic man who couldn't resist the wily old she-devil!'
Sounds like a complete loser to me!!
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
9 Feb 18
Thanks @WorDazza ... that really did help.
You're right. -- from what I know of it - she's toying with him - has been for years. There must be something absolutely wonderful about her - that he is so very taken with her.
It was hard for me not to respond when he tried to start something up again.... but .... I have enough self respect.... nope, no thanks .....
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
14 Feb 18
@WorDazza Ah, thanks for the point of view on this. It really had me perplexed.... but that does make sense. I avoid him now when possible. Talk politely when I can't avoid him and avoid the flirting.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (246905)
• United States
9 Feb 18
@FayeHazel Your Jay obviously has issues. I am certain he wouldn't want his daughter to be treated that way!
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
9 Feb 18
You're right. Can't hope to change anyone in any sort of a large way. :/
Oh as a bit of trivia this is "my" Jay. lol. I think I would have better luck with "your" Jay. lol.
Yeah - I guess some number of years back he was married/has a daughter
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
14 Feb 18
@DianneN True that. :/ It's unfortunate - so few still single out there - and then a lot of them have issues. :/
1 person likes this
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
14 Feb 18
It does hurt if you like someone and they don´t correspond in the same way to you.
I love the song though it does fit but one day you will top up with someone when you least expect it and fall head over heels in love that is my wish and really hope it happens.
1 person likes this
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
14 Feb 18
@FayeHazel
I think that when you don´t go looking for it love I mean it finds you so much more easily and it will sooner or later it will.
I thought I would never meet anyone but I did when I was not looking for him.
He stole my heart.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
14 Feb 18
You are so kind in your wish for me. Each year on Valentine's I think "Maybe next year I will have someone special".... well.... yeah..... anyway.... :-)
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
15 Feb 18
@lovinangelsinstead21 Ah, I go through my phases of looking and not looking .... neither seem to help me much though. Alas. Oh well, it is better than being with the wrong someon I think :-)
I'm happy you found someone who sounds most excellent, you deserve :-)
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (137142)
• United States
13 Aug 18
OMG! He is both an idiot and isn't good enough for you! (I'm sorry that you ever felt he might be 'good enough' for you, too!)
Surely someone has explained to him that she is playing both her husband and him by now! If he isn't smart enough to figure that out for himself, then I feel sorry for the shock he will feel when he does realize it... but that still doesn't excuse him for making you feel less than worthy!
In my opinion, a man should have his head examined if he found anything about you as less than desirable!
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (137142)
• United States
20 Aug 18
@FayeHazel You're welcome... surely you know I only call things like I see them, Faye...
Every one of us has some insecurity... I think that may be in-built in the human psyche. It's there to keep us from becoming a**holes to each other. (Some people still manage to become a**holes. Nothing we can do about that except tell them off occasionally to bring them down a peg or two. 
) But the rest of us use that insecurity in our own psyche to understand others around us and care about them all the more.
Every one of us has some insecurity... I think that may be in-built in the human psyche. It's there to keep us from becoming a**holes to each other. (Some people still manage to become a**holes. Nothing we can do about that except tell them off occasionally to bring them down a peg or two. ) But the rest of us use that insecurity in our own psyche to understand others around us and care about them all the more.1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
24 Aug 18
@DaddyEvil Aw shucks, well bless you for being you, for your honesty....
I agree, maybe the insecurity is there for that reason? Feeling good about yourself/abilities is fine, but being arrogant is entirely different. Sometimes those people need to be taken down a rung if I say so myself
I agree, maybe the insecurity is there for that reason? Feeling good about yourself/abilities is fine, but being arrogant is entirely different. Sometimes those people need to be taken down a rung if I say so myself1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
19 Aug 18
Oh shucks... YOu just made my day. How kind :-D No, really I appreciate it greatly.
You're right. The only thing making this the suckfest that it is - is me - trying to make him into something that he obviously isn't.
I know, seems so obvious from the outside. The husband has $$, so she's sticking with him, and then playing him at the same time. I have thought way too often on his situation. I wonder if it's the fact that he *can't* be with her that makes her so very appealing to him. But yeah hes going to be in for a big surprise, if he hasn't figured it already.
Thank you DE - I will try to see my own worth moreso. :-)
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (118451)
• Gainesville, Florida
10 Feb 18
You're better off just moving on and not dealing with this guy anymore.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
14 Feb 18
Thanks, and you're right. I've been avoiding him when practical, and when polite when I can't
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (66921)
• United States
9 Feb 18
Girl, I'm so sorry.
He's a loser! And you deserve so much better! Let them have whatever "relationship" he claims they have while you continue being your amazing, smart, beautiful and kind self! And the guy for you will surely show up.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (66921)
• United States
10 Feb 18
@FayeHazel best not to.. thank you. Same here.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
9 Feb 18
Aw thanks Courtney!
I really didn't want to ignore his advances when he started up flirting with me again. But I still do have a little self respect. He said he didn't want that, so I simply won't respond. :/
I think you're awesome too! :-) You made my day.
1 person likes this
@Plethos (13560)
• United States
9 Feb 18
@FayeHazel - he'll show up when you least expect it. More than likely when youre not looking.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
9 Feb 18
I know right? Why the fear of his sister? I think, if anything she would be happy.
Very single here.... do you know someone nice? 
Thanks, I appreciate that. I hope he shows up sometime soon.
Very single here.... do you know someone nice?
Thanks, I appreciate that. I hope he shows up sometime soon.1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
14 Feb 18
@Plethos *le sigh* I'm not looking ! :-)
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
14 Feb 18
Thanks! You're right, could have been worse. A lot worse. Here's to better luck for both of us
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
9 Feb 18
I don't like him very much. Sounds like an opportunist. Dump him. and don't be so hard on yourself. You didn't seem to have done anything wrong.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
9 Feb 18
Thanks, You're right. I guess I have nothing to feel bad for. He said he wanted to get together. I just believed him is all...
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
14 Feb 18
@Gita17112016 Ha ha, I agree - it is a hard game at times.... I wish there were some quality single men around but, uh.... apparently that is asking too much? lol
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
11 Feb 18
@FayeHazel The only thing I do wish for you is that there were some other eligible men around so that you'll see immediately how worthless that man is. But sometimes factors such as loneliness, friendship, tired of waiting, wanting something to happen in your life etc are things that affect how we respond. To be strong you have to be confident in yourself and for that to happen you need 'wholeness'. I have no idea how you can get that 
1 person likes this
@Orson_Kart (6114)
• United Kingdom
9 Feb 18
Is this no kissy mistletoe Joe?
He is just messing with your head. Forgot him and find someone more worthy of your affection.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
14 Feb 18
Yeah - good memory Orson - same guy. (Yeah I know, I'm still complaining about it)
Thanks and that is the best idea
1 person likes this
@JamesHxstatic (29242)
• Eugene, Oregon
10 Feb 18
So sorry that this 50-ish guy is so immature that he can't see what is happening on the other end.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
14 Feb 18
Ah good point, he accuses me what he's guilty of. Immaturity.... good point, thank you
1 person likes this
@JESSY3236 (18923)
• United States
9 Feb 18
maybe he was hurt that you too didn't get together the first time. But yeah he does sound like a loser.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
9 Feb 18
Ah, I would have happily gotten together. He would never get back to me on a date/time/location.
*le sigh*
I can't believe that at 50 he can't see that he's being played. :/
