my childhood/be kind

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As a kid, I wasn't particularly good at anything. I wasn't the smartest, most athletic, or prettiest. I was just sort of there. I was a klutz and horrible at anything requiring any sort of athletic ability. My classmates of course knew this and I was almost always one of the last kids chosen for teams. I always hated when kids got to choose their teams because there was nothing quite as humiliating as you listen to every single kid be chosen before you. Even the kid who was always picking their nose and no one really liked was chosen before me. Elementary school was hard in that I had a lot of struggling along the way. I have fine motor issues. My fine motor skills never fully developed and the way to handle this back then was to shove me in an LD class (Learning Disabilities) with kids who actually had real learning issues outside of how to grasp a pencil. They didn't teach me at the level in which I was actually able to handle since I didn't have any cognitive delays or anything and it put me behind in a lot of areas. Then after years of these classes, they just threw me in regular classes and expected me to adapt and were shocked when I didn't right away. I thought I was stupid and slow because of this for years. I mean I wasn't I know that now but when you're in a room with kids who while you had classes with them (I only did math and reading in LD classes the rest were in the regular classroom) seem to be intellectually way ahead of you it really gets to you. I mean these kids always seemed way smarter than me. I struggled for years and was still behind them. I was the last person chosen for groups because I wasn't up to their cognitive level or so I thought. I mean I probably could have done way better but when you have low self-esteem you really believe you aren't intelligent. I was just sort of there. I loved my childhood but I didn't particularly enjoy school after a certain point. It was when I learned I was behind the other kids. I was always humiliated when it came to a lot of things because I felt inferior to those around me. I eventually did figure out I was capable of more and when I started focussing on trying I actually learned really quickly. My entire issue was that I didn't believe in myself and it took me a long time to get there. I stopped trying at one point and that's why I was failing. I just figured I couldn't do it so I didn't try. Eventually, when I started trying I became a straight A student. I was a lot smarter than I gave myself credit for. I was always a shy kid and dreaded group projects. At first, I didn't like them because I was forced to talk and because I knew I wasn't going to be much help but somewhere along the way I hated them because I became the one who did the entire project myself with very little help. While I eventually figured out I wasn't an idiot I still wasn't particularly well liked. I was just sort of there. I still wasn't good at sports and I hated gym with every fiber of my being. In high school, it was worse because I was actually made fun of. I sort of went off by myself. I drew into myself and cut myself off from friends when some of said "friends" turned on me and became those that talked about me behind my back because some more popular girl didn't like me and they wanted to be friends with her. I learned not to trust many people from that point on. I was always the nice kid though, I was never mean to anyone. I decided to go to a vocational school for my junior and senior year of high school and life got a little better but I did find out the girls in my class thought I was a freak because I didn't talk much and they just assumed I was weird. I learned first hand how cruel kids can be and I learned what it's like for kids who aren't seen as "normal" and it often makes me worry about my own son who is quirky and likes things certain ways. I worry about him being bullied. He is well liked right now but I often wonder if that will change as he gets older. I don't want him going through the same things I did. I've always tried to lift him up and let him know he is smart and that he is capable. My son isn't shy the way I was though. He is very outgoing and I worry that he will overshare and give kids ammo. I just wish we didn't live in a world where people can be so cruel to one another. A song that comes to mind is Mark Wills "Don't laugh at me" I often think of that when I remember my childhood. I had a decent childhood at home but when it came to school it was different. Just because a kid is different doesn't mean they are any better or worse than you are. I think it's our differences that make us who we are and we need to learn to embrace those differences in others. Even adults can be bullies. Just because you don't like the way a person talks, spells or does things doesn't give you the right to attack anyone. Yes, people do things that irritate me but I do my best to learn to be tolerant and I do my best to show kindness. Just know you don't know what a person is going through what we see or even read is only a sliver of their life. You don't know what kind of personal pain they might be going through and you should never add to their grief. Be kind to everyone even those you may not particularly like. I get irritated and I sometimes can say mean things from time to time but with anything, it's a work in progress. I do my best to be kind even when it's difficult but sometimes I sill fail because I'm not perfect.