My grandma

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There are a few phrases that take me back to the past. When I was a child we lived next door to my mom's parents. I was very close to my grandma and I am told to my grandpa too but I have very vague memories of him. I mostly remember remembering him if that makes sense? I was at their house every single day. My grandma and I had a saying we said every day when I left her house. I'm pretty sure most people have heard it. I would usually say "See ya later alligator" and she'd say "after while crocodile" or vice versa. Those were the last words we ever uttered to each other. The next day I woke up to an ambulance leaving and I walked over to their house not sure what I was going to be greeted with not that I automatically thought it would be something bad as I was only five at the time and my thoughts rarely went to a bad place as I was still rather innocent. How I miss that innocence. I didn't have a real grasp on what exactly death was. I walked up to my aunt and asked her where grandma was and she was holding back tears and said "grandma is in heaven." I remember saying "OK when she will be back?" She cried a little more and said she wouldn't be. It wasn't real to me for a long time I always felt like she'd be coming back through the door. Eventually, I obviously understood she wouldn't be coming back and I mourn her more now than I did then because I understand. Every time I hear the song "See ya later alligator" by Bill Haley and the Comets I think of her and I smile or cry depending on the day. I was so young when she died but I still remember her so well. I remember the way she would get up every day when the train came through just so she could wave at the conductor (we lived right by the tracks in a small town where there wasn't much to do). I remember once when we stayed the night over there my grandma actually put a blanket in the middle of the floor and we pretended it was a campfire and we all sat down on the floor around it and we told stories. I remember how she bought us ice cream from the ice cream truck when my mom wouldn't. I remember every time she came back from town she would bring us McDonald's. I remember there was this little angel ornament she hung on her tree and every year she would tell me "this is you because you're my angel." I just remember this amazing woman who went through so much and yet was one of the kindest best people I have ever had the pleasure to know. When I think about who my hero is I would have to say it was her. She lost her mom when she was really little and a year later she watched as her father was shot and killed in front of her. She and her siblings were then given to her grandparents to be raised. She suffered from St.Vitus dance for years and was bedridden for a long time. She then married my grandfather who while he was a good man to me was not the best to her. He ran around on her and always came home drunk and she was forced to pick up odd jobs and raise their children to make ends meet. She lost 8 babies shortly after birth and had my uncle who she took care of until her death because he couldn't walk, talk, or hear due to her RH negative blood type. She made sure all of her children had a decent Christmas, she lost one of her surviving daughters in a car accident after said daughter just got out of an abusive marriage, she watched as her daughter's children were then given to their abusive father to be raised and tried so hard to get them but couldn't. My grandmother survived and then thrived as she watched everything crumble around her repeatedly. I often wish she could have seen my son. I know he would have been the apple of her eye the way he is for my mother. My grandma made sure to know every single day how much she loved us all. She made dinner for all of us every Sunday. The whole family would go over to eat and when I look back I miss that, I miss that togetherness. Nothing has been the same since she died and nothing ever will be again. I have so many fond memories of her and even though I was so young I never doubted her love for me. I know if she were here now she'd still be showing us all how much she loves us because love was something she went without for so long she would never deprive her own children and grandchildren of such love. There was never a day she didn't tell us or show us how much she loved us. She survived so many horrible things and instead of saying "why me?" she did her best to come out on the other end and made sure to give her children more. She was a one of a kind woman. Whenever I need strength I think of her and what she went through and think if I can only muster a tenth of the strength she showed I'd be able to get through it. I may have been young but she left an impact. I wish I could show her the things we've discovered about her family. I wish I could ask her some questions I've had for years. I just wish I could talk to her one more time now that I'm an adult and let her know that despite how young I was I still remember her and always will. I wish she could see the difference she made to her family and know that years after not having been shown real love just how much everyone did love her and how much love she put into the world through her deeds and through the people she left behind. I hope she's waiting for me in heaven where one day we can see each other again, as there is no doubt in my mind that's where she is. "See ya later crocodile" I hope you're enjoying your heavenly home grandma.