Getting ready to do my first show after the fire

@BearArtistLady This is all very good news. I'm so glad the show went well. And hopefully a psychologist will help relieve some of your stress.

As I told @FourWalls I finally got my referral to see a psychologist and I am going to call on Monday to see about an appointment. It seems like getting anything done here in the U.S. takes three times as long as anywhere else. I am realizing that things that I used to really enjoy are things I dread because I want to be home "just in case". Even shopping for necessities is a dreaded experience. When I realized that I knew it was time for outside help, that I couldn't deal with the problem alone. Fortunately my primary care physician is a doll and totally agreed with me and also saw the signs of severe PTSD from the fire in me. And he totally agreed when I asked for a psychologist to help me past all of the troublesome and rough spots from the fire After all the various agencies dragging their feet I finally got the referral last Wednesday and I will call the psychologist's office tomorrow to set up the appointment. The show went well. The people from the surrounding communities were all very supportive and very careful about how they brought up the subject of the fire. They were wonderful and all of them said the same thing, that they were so happy and proud that I was planning to stay and rebuild here rather than move and build a life someplace else. They all said that all of the people in the various communities love me and anything I need all I have to do is make a call and they'll be there. It was great. I even sold three bears and gave away three bears...so the show was a success. I was invited to do the show next year too. Thank you for being here for me! The support from my myLot friends means a LOT to me, in fact it means more than you'll ever realize I just hope one day there is something I can do for you to thank you for your support! Tons of love and hugs!!!!!!

I can't even watch the news coverage of the fires!. I vaguely remember when we lived up in Napa California when I was a little girl our getting ready to evacuate when there were wild fires raging near our home. I carry that with me still over 60 years later. You're so right about it being a whole lot more to it being more than just a building and stuff. Last night I dreamed of when I found the bodies of my beloved cats and dog...no fur, just the remains. I finally have a referral to a psychologist to help me recover from the trauma. Red Cross was wonderful and sent me to a wonderful psychologist that I was able to discuss the fire with, but my insurance wouldn't pay for further visits and I couldn't afford going to her..and she was so great I didn't feel right going to her for free. So I've suffered for the past year. Hopefully the psychologist I've been referred to will be understanding and not some twit. I am a very caring person, and a very loving person. I made it through the show yesterday the best way I know how, by giving love to others. Bill kept track and informed me that I gave away three bears and a bracelet. Four actually. He didn't see me give one to the woman who organized the event. She saw the one I gave for the drawing and she immediately bought twelve tickets to try to win it. Bill bought six tickets and his name was the first drawn and he won the bear! When the show was over I took the smaller twin to the one I donated and went up to the woman and told her that she didn't pay close attention to the drawings. She looked at me kind of funny and said "I ran the drawings so I know who won and I didn't win!" I looked at her and told her again she didn't pay close attention. She was starting to get annoyed when the woman who she had been talking to saw the white bear I had hidden behind my back and she started teasing the woman too. After a couple of minutes I finally gave the organizer the bear I had hidden behind my back. She started to cry and gave me a huge hug. She had really really wanted the bear and this month just couldn't afford to buy the cousin to it. It made me feel so good to give someone else a huge surprise like that! I have to give all the people at the craft show a lot of credit. They were very careful about what they brought up about the fire and how they showed their sympathy. They ALL expressed how loved I am back here and that they all are not only relieved but very proud that I am staying in the community. I did confess to one of the people that what would make my Christmas would be if Bill would get me a Siamese kitten for Christmas. The lady looked at me kind of funny (I think she went off and cornered Bill and told him) and said that the poor thing would end up being the most spoiled kitty on the face of the earth! The show went well, I sold bears and even got an order for one of my new designs. I need to check my friend's site for the fur I need to make the "bear/dog" when I finish on the lot. I need to add a couple of people to my friend list and check my email. (one day I need to clear out that mail box. I started doing that and got bored with all the "wanna date me" sites featuring Asian women. Thank you for being there for me. I hope you don't mind if I "friend" you. You sound like you came from the same mold I came from, one where you cry for the people who lose everything, even though you don't know them. I'd like to keep in touch and let you know how I'm doing and I'd like to know how you're doing.

Thank you so much for your prayers! I was very anxious at the show and was about ready to pack up and head home. Bill stayed by my side for most of that time until he was sure that I was becoming more comfortable at the show. When he saw that I was finally relaxing some he wandered around, but he kept an eye on me the entire time to make sure that I was doing okay. I finally relaxed and many of the people I knew came by and would hug me and tell me how great it was that I was there. After awhile I started having fun. That was after I gave away one of my bears. Little by little I started to relax and finally started to have some real fun. I am finally getting the necessary professional help to help me with recovering and moving forward with my life. Right now the steps are small, but at least there are steps towards recovering. Hopefully I can keep headed in the right direction. The first steps were getting back to making teddy bears, and the second steps were the hardest...getting in the car and going to town. The fire started while we were in town so it's understandable "WHY" going to town is so hard for me. Hopefully with the professional help I can get past the horrible terror of being in town and the feeling that I have to rush to get finished and race home because there might be a fire. Thank you for being there for me! It truly means a lot to this frazzled old lady! Have a wonderful week and a great Thanksgiving!!!!

@BearArtistLady I'm so happy to hear you found some joyful moments at the craft fair. Maybe the next one will be easier. Getting professional help certainly sounds like you're moving in the right direction. I can't even begin to image what it would be like having to deal with such a traumatic experience.

@BearArtistLady Awesome on all counts.

Howdy Texas! I sold three bears, and took one order for a Ewok/bear/dog. That is one of my new patterns that is supposed to be a bear but with the way the hair is it looks more like an Ewok. The woman who ordered it thinks it looks more like her little Yorkie so I'm ordering the fur today so I can get it made for her before Thanksgiving. The show went well. The people who were there that knew about the fire were all very sympathetic but were careful about how they showed their sympathy. They knew how hard it was for me to be there and they didn't want to make it any harder. One of the sellers told me about how proud all of the people in the area are that I decided to stay. They all love me dearly and were hoping that I would stay and continue to contribute to the communities (there are 5 distinct communities: Tri Counties, Cal Shasta, Running Deer, South Shore Village, and the Private Owners). They all are concerned for my welfare and keep an eye on Bill and me without our knowing it. If either of us need help all we have to do is say "help" and we will be surrounded by people. I got more hugs and encouragement at the show than I could have imagined. I even sold three bears! LOL The biggest point was that I forced myself to get out of the house and mingle with people. It is very hard for me to force myself to leave the house...I'd make a great hermit! My medication was ready so we went from the show to town so that we didn't have to leave again just for the medication...I can work on bears all week long (HURRAH!) and then Friday I work the shop and get to go to Goodwill. I may need to go to Target to get a couple of particular tv trays I'm looking for. But the nice thing is that we'll be home for a week (I hope). I'll P.M. you in a little bit with more details about the show. Talk to you soon. Hugs

@BearArtistLady This is so wonderful to hear and I'm glad you had a good time and that the community was there for you, and to give away your bears is great. Sounds like you made that little girl so happy and sometimes that is all it takes to make us feel better, and you're very welcome. Keep up the good work and vibes..

Thank you for your prayers. The show went well and I did end up having a good time. I was ready to pack up the stuff and go home when we first go there, but forced myself to stay. It was a good thing I did. I sold three bears and gave away three bears. But the best part was the support of the community. They didn't go into areas of sympathy that I wouldn't be comfortable with, and they were all very very supportive. I got a lot of hugs and was informed that the communities were all very happy that I was staying here rather than moving out. They all love me dearly and would hate for me to move away and they are also very proud of me and how I am bearing up after such a traumatic experience. The best part of the show was my being able to give away the bears. People think I'm nuts giving away my work, but it makes me happy to be able to do something like that and I do what makes me happy. Besides, it makes me happy to make other people happy. One of the people I gave a teddy bear to was a little girl. She was about 9 years old. She was so thrilled with the teddy bear! She carried him all over the show and she sat in one of the big arm chairs with him hugged close to her chest and she was talking to him and would hug him and kiss him occasionally. I'm sure he slept with her last night! Thank you for the prayers and the vibes. They really helped a ton! They helped me have a good time at the show, and they reached the right people who kept an eye on me and if they thought that I needed my spirits boosted they would come by and hug me and tell me about bears that they had bought from me or bears of my mom's that I had given them. Thanks again for the support and the prayers!

Hi Carol DM. I'm doing much better today. The show is behind me, which is one source of pressure relieved. That trip to the doctor is going to happen. I am going to make the call tomorrow morning to make the appointment. I've been saying for quite awhile that I need to get the referral and getting the referral is like getting your wisdom tooth pulled. It takes a lot of time and pain before it happens. But it finally happened. As you said, it will take one baby step at a time. My first baby step was picking up needle and thread and starting to make teddy bears again. My second baby step was going to my primary care physician to get the referral to the next doctor. That's the one that was the killer, the one that ate up tons of time. But it's happened and tomorrow I get to make the next baby step....I get to make the call to make the appointment. Here's hoping that the doctor is a good one and not a total twit. The show went well, I sold some bears and donated one to their raffle. What was a riot is Bill bought 6 tickets to the raffle and his was drawn first. What did he choose? The bear I donated to the raffle! The people at the show were very careful about how they talked to me about the fire. I was informed by several of them that they were very happy that I decided to stay in the area and rebuild rather than pack up and leave. All of them have informed me that any kind of help I need all I have to do is whisper "help" and I'll have a squad of people here faster than you can say squat and they'll be ready to do anything I need. With support like that from the communities I live in, I can't just pack up and go and try to find someplace as wonderful to live in.

@BearArtistLady The key will be if you can communicate well with the doctor but remember if you can't, there are other doctors out there. It sometimes takes awhile to find one you can relate to. Glad the show went well. Support is what we all need. Thanks for the update.