How can I help myself and my child?

@Nevena83 I see below that your son is 16, this is a difficult age for boys and girls. May be he will get better in a few months.

@LadyDuck Yes, he was 7th grade and since then I started to notice that he acts like my father and my brother and I wait for him to pass, but he is worse.

No, he has no contact with his father for 12 years, but he acts like my father.

@Nevena83 So sad your son did not have a happy environment to grow in You have to work hard to create peace around him. Wish you good luck

@Nevena83 You can still do it

@allknowing Yes, I was wrong, but I did not know that in my family there would be such a hell.

No, he does not respect me, but I do not know why. Maybe I was wrong, I did not punish him, but I could not. When he was a little boy, I could not punish him, because I knew that he only copied the behavior he sees in the house and that he is not guilty of this, but he is now bothering me, because I do not want him to be like my father.

@Nevena83 that's why I mentioned counseling, because its hard for you, and maybe a third party can help him talk.

It's very hard to deal with it. I'm trying to talk to him, but that does not give a lot of results.

@Courtlynn You're right, but I can not afford a counselor. And when he was little, he did not talk much, he just listened.

My son is 16 years old.

@Nevena83 At that age he should respect you. It is hard to change that behaviour now. He was obviously taught my the men in your family that women are not worthy of respect. That is so sad and shameful to me. I can not imagine my children treating me that way. I feel bad for you.

@Happy2BeMe Yes, it's terrible, but I do not know why it works, so I'm fighting for him all my life, I'm always with him, he has everything he needs, he has seen more times how my parents hurt me, so does not he feel the need to protect me

@Nevena83 Ah, alas he is a bit too old for those punishments.... Puberty is a tough time. I'm sorry he has decided to act this way though. I know it's hard, but maybe just remove yourself from the situation when he acts that way. After awhile he will learn that he is not getting attention - and maybe change? I know that's easier said than done, too I will hope that your situation changes and you are able to leave there

@FayeHazel In childhood I was always on the side of the weak, I always felt compassion with others who were powerless. And now I'm helping others, it hurts me when I hear somebody beat someone, he killed me, I'm very emotional, and I'm wondering he did not see anything from me, so he did not learn anything from me? I do not know how sorry he is when he brings me to tears? I just do not understand where I was wrong? Did I make a mistake if I did not get beaten?

He's 16 years old. His behavior began to change when he entered puberty, this was in grade 7. He told me somewhere where I heard my brother's sentence and I wanted to die, I was hoping something was right now, but no, he continued to be worse. He simply uses to tell my father, my brother, he behaves the same as they are toward me ... I try to be strong, I tried not to react, to talk to him, but it just does not have any effect ... Then they I told him to show him how I felt when he hurt me, so that he understood it, I began to show, but he only withdrew for a moment and continued his behavior for a few days. No, I do not have the ability to live apart from my parents and it kills me.

Almost every day I speak to him, he is good to me for a couple of days, and then he continues on the old one.

@Nevena83 Perhaps you should remind him of your conversation when he acts badly or leave him be until he calms down.

@DianneN Yes, I often change my tactics, I try to get to him in various ways and explain to him that his behavior is not good.

@Nevena83 Start praising his good behavior and ignore the bad unless you need to punish him. You know when he's trying to push your buttons. Ignore it. Eventually, when he sees the praise you're lading on him for the good he does, he'll switch it up. I hope.

I do not know what else to do. I try to tell him every day to see that he is wrong and that this behavior is not good, but he does not seem to hear it. For two days he is calm, then he continues on the old. He simply uses the same dictionary as my brother and my father ... It's terrible.

@just4him Mostly I do, but sometimes it's so difficult to ignore his bad behavior.

You cando it in the city, you too have coffee together in a cafe.

@ilocosboy No, I never go to the cafe, because I do not have money for such things. When he was little, they would go to ice cream.

Yes, you are right, I think it would help a lot, but I do not have money to travel. A few days ago we looked together cartooned, but he constantly looked at the phone.

@Nevena83 Oh. This is bad. He has a problem with you. I can't understand why.

@dya80dya I talked to a pedagogue who told me that he copied the behavior of my parents.

He only behaves with me like that.

@Nevena83 i understand what you mean but it's better than hitting a child. I am just saying that is how i was raised. Sorry you have to go through this.

@Ladanger Yes, I know, you're right.I've got hitting from my parents.

I have the impression that it would become worse then.

@Nevena83 I think it's about the years.

@Moon24 I hope it's just that.

But he really exaggerates. I'm afraid he does not become like my father or as my brother.

Always when I see your image, I remember your price and I can not even imagine the pain. My child is alive, so I feel horrible pain because of his bad behavior, I can not even imagine anything worse than that. Every day I fight, but I do not know what to do anymore. There are advisors, but I can not afford them.

@Nevena83 I hope I am helping in some small way if nothing else to remind you that things can be worse. You still have a chance to help your son. I can feel your frustration and not knowing what to do. There has to be programs somewhere that can work with you based on your income?

@CarolDM You help me a lot and thank you for that. I do not know, I have not heard of anything that would be more favorable, but I will try to find a solution, because all I ever wanted was for my child to be a good man.

Yes, I do my best to become a good man, but he often disappoints me, as if he does not listen to me. At one point he shows that he is sorry at the second moment he is acting the same again.

@WiseGhots thank you so much

@Nevena83 This is really complicated. I wish you a good luck, my friend.

@Nevena83 he knows them and sees how they act?

I often ask him if he likes the behavior of my brother and my father and does he want him to behave like that? He says he does not want to, but he still behaves like that.

@shaggin Yes, he knows it's not a good behavior, and he does the same. I do not know why. Does he think that it is right for me to mistreat me like them, I do not know.

And I hope that he will be better when he grows.

He's 16 years old. My father is also responsible for my child's behavior. My dad would be happy to have my son beat me, he was now reluctant to behave badly toward me.

@Nevena83 O,well, he is no longer a kid . . . He is 16 years old. Just talk to him nicely. Don't argue or yell at him. Be kind to him. Your kindness and understanding will eventually melt his heart . . .

@antonbunot Yes, he is no longer a child, and that's why his behavior hurts so much. But I start shouting only when he really exaggerates. I'm always polite, I'm always joking with him, I'm always gentle, but he does it so hard to hurt me, that he leads me to shout or cry, but he does not seem to care.

He's 16 years old. He has not seen his father for 12 years. But he has the attention from me, I devoted my entire life to him, and he simply decided to resemble my father and my brother.

Yes, it's very difficult, but I'm afraid he will become like my father and my brother, but I do not want to. I do not want my child to be a bad man. And I do not know how to fight.

@Nevena83 try to befriend him my friend. Spend quality time with him. Bring him the place he would like to go to. Listen to him.

@fluffy69 Yes, I'm trying to follow him in everything, but he knows how to hurt me.

I was divorced 15 years ago and have no contact with him for 12 years.