Valentine's Day Memories: My First Big Crush (Part 3)

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The bittersweet thoughts about my first big childhood crush came rushing in today. In my mind I can still see what Kyle looked like when we were both ten. He was sooo cute! Secretly, I was smitten. It's not like we'd had much interaction. I think he glanced at me a couple of times and he might have even said hi. That was all. But I always wondered if he liked me the way I liked him. When I was in fourth grade, I’d chosen a special card for my would-be beau. I had agonized over what to write on it. Just my name? Should I add “I like you.”? Honestly, I can’t remember what I wrote, but I recall being very nervous about how he’d react. During the class party, I sneaked peeks at tall, shaggy-haired Kyle. I couldn’t tell if he’d seen my brave declaration of like or not. He didn’t behave any differently than usual. My heart was racing when I opened my card from him! It had a boy baseball player on the front, with the message “I’m crazy about YOU, Valentine!” He’d printed his name on the back. I’m not sure what I expected, but I felt a rush of emotion when I looked at that small token of friendship. It was time to go home immediately after the festivities. My face was hot and I had a huge lump in my throat as we were all cleaning up our classroom. The bell finally rang. I avoided my friends and escaped from the school as fast as I could! As I crossed the street, the dam inside of me broke. I sobbed during my entire walk home. I’d never been overcome like that before. It was very confusing! I know now that I was far too immature to manage my affectionate thoughts and fears of rejection. I’d thought of other boys before, but Kyle was something extra special. I think my first stressful Valentine's Day was meant to happen. It was just one experience in the awkward, painful, natural journey of growing up.