Pushy Friend with Bad Phone Manners
By Diana Bauder
@BloggerDi (3113)
United States
January 11, 2020 3:01pm CST
I have a friend who has a much more flexible schedule than me. She lives alone and has no family near her. I'm busy with my family on a regular basis.
Plus, I work from home.
My friend will call and say things like "Hey! Let's meet for lunch in 30 minutes!" I met her once on short notice, but I told her that I usually can't do that. I need and prefer to schedule things ahead of time.
She doesn't always honor that. She still calls on a whim and sometimes acts annoyed that I can't drop what I'm doing to meet her.
If I'm busy, I don't answer my phone. I do that with everyone. I return calls and texts as I have time, according to importance.
This woman will wait about one minute, then call again! She'll leave a voice message or text if I don't pick up on the second call. She's been known to call three times before I reply.
Her voice messages are usually inviting me to meet her ASAP. A couple of times, she was already at a certain place and said "Hurry, I won't be here much longer!"
I'm starting to resent her lack of respect for my boundaries! I've made it clear, in a polite way, that I need to schedule ahead of time.
What do you think? And have you had experiences with demanding friends?
11 people like this
13 responses
@JudyEv (338393)
• Rockingham, Australia
13 Jan 20
@BloggerDi You are probably going to have to set boundaries from the start.
1 person likes this
@BloggerDi (3113)
• United States
12 Jan 20
Thank you @JudyEv. It's a good idea except that my schedule changes week to week. Also, that urgent "do it right now!" trait seems to be part of her personality. Once a week would be too often for me.
2 people like this
@MALUSE (69373)
• Germany
11 Jan 20
Why don't you write down your schedule and show her what is on your plate the next time you meet? Even if it's awkward for you, you have to tell her that either she respects this or you won't meet her again. You aren't a dog which comes running when she whistles.
3 people like this
@BloggerDi (3113)
• United States
12 Jan 20
Thank you @MALUSE. My schedule varies from week to week. But the last time she put me on the spot I reminded her that I can't go on short notice. I was firm. She didn't like it but that's her problem.
1 person likes this
@crazyhorseladycx (39509)
• United States
12 Jan 20
i reckon what i think'd be irrelevant. if'n ya feel she's bein' demandin' 'n not respectful 'f yer thoughts, perhaps she's not a friend 'fter all. could be she's jest mighty lonesome 'n by the time she reaches out, desperate fer companionship.
if'n folks call me, e'en prior to my illness, 'n i don't answer, they call the law fer a 'wellness check'. seems with the advent 'f cell phones 'n 24/7 connectivity they most oft think somethin' nefarious 'tis happened.
since i'd no 'real job' (aka: punched no clock), they figured i'd nothin' better'n to jump'n their e'ery whim. 'n fact, i used to be most busy with cattle, the lands, the horses.
2 people like this
@crazyhorseladycx (39509)
• United States
14 Jan 20
@BloggerDi yer welcome, though perhaps too much info, lol.
'tis most sad that'cha couldn't take that call when she needed ya, but that'd be life. i wonder what folks did 'fore this 24/7 connectivity? heck, we used to not e'en 've message machines, lol.
that bein' said, she could'a called'n ambulance.
2 people like this
@BloggerDi (3113)
• United States
13 Jan 20
Thanks for sharing some of your experiences @crazyhorseladycx.
One time, this friend called me twice in a row and I didn't answer. An hour later, I listened to her voice message. She had called because she had hurt her back and could barely move! Needed help to get to the doc.
She found someone else to help her, but of course I felt bad. I suspect that she now tries to trick me into answering by calling repeatedly, even when not urgent.
2 people like this
@BloggerDi (3113)
• United States
18 Jan 20
Thank you @DianneN. That's exactly my plan.
2 people like this
@BloggerDi (3113)
• United States
21 Jan 20
Thank you @CarolDM. I agree. The older I get, the more I find myself doing that!
1 person likes this
@CarolDM (203422)
• Nashville, Tennessee
21 Jan 20
@BloggerDi We live and learn.
1 person likes this
@BloggerDi (3113)
• United States
14 Jan 20
Well, I think you are right @Pandy_. I have purposely limited my time with her already. Thanks for sharing your opinion.
2 people like this
@Pandy_ (800)
• Sydney, Australia
14 Jan 20
@BloggerDi This is good. Your worth much more than this.
2 people like this
@rappeter13 (8608)
• Romania
2 Mar 20
I have a friend who is even more pushy, but I started not picking up the phone nor returning the calls. Now, he calls rarely. I guess he learned his lesson.
1 person likes this
@BloggerDi (3113)
• United States
2 Mar 20
Thanks for sharing your similar experience @rappeter13.
1 person likes this
@BloggerDi (3113)
• United States
21 Jan 20
I think most people need to plan ahead most of the time. My friend has to also, because she has a part-time job. She sets her own hours though.
Thanks for your comment @jstory07.
@BloggerDi (3113)
• United States
20 Jan 20
Well, no I haven't sat down with her to discuss this at length. But I was very direct with her twice on the phone, when she put me on the spot to meet her "right now".
Thanks for your comment @sallypup.
1 person likes this
@thelme55 (76843)
• Germany
22 Jan 20
I had a friend like that and I felt suffocated that I didn´t contact her anymore. She doesn´t know that I am back in Germany again. She was a nice friend but can´t accept no for a no. I avoid people who tell me what to do and when and those who are negative ones.
1 person likes this
@BloggerDi (3113)
• United States
22 Jan 20
Hi @thelma55. Thank you. Yes, suffocated is a good word for this situation too. I've dealt with a lot of very needy, sometimes pushy people during my life. I had poor personal boundaries in the past but I've worked hard to have healthy ones. I will stand firm.
1 person likes this
@Nakitakona (56486)
• Philippines
11 Jan 20
No I don't have. It's not appropriate to call her friend for such bad manner. If I were you change my phone number or if not block her.
2 people like this
@BloggerDi (3113)
• United States
12 Jan 20
Thanks @Nakitakona. I'm not ready to do that but I might if she persists in that pushy behavior.
2 people like this
@Nakitakona (56486)
• Philippines
13 Jan 20
@BloggerDi It depends on you. I thought you're already fed up of her persistent and annoying attitude.
2 people like this
@BloggerDi (3113)
• United States
17 Jan 20
Thanks @ScotMac. Me too. I don't want to reject her as a friend, but I limit my time with her.
1 person likes this
@Joe9999 (8)
•
12 Jan 20
You should try to understand her. She's just lonely and you're the only thing she has close to a family, so yeah maybe she could get a bit annoying. Just confront her, tell her that you've got a lot on your plate and that you'll try to make time for her whenever you can.
1 person likes this
@BloggerDi (3113)
• United States
12 Jan 20
Thanks @Joe9999. I don't intend to dump her as a friend and I won't be mean to her. I'll just continue to be firm about my request to plan ahead.
1 person likes this
