The Art of Letting Go - How does one learn that?
@StormyRainStevens (46)
United States
November 6, 2020 12:48am CST
Hello myLot!
I'm following a fantastic post on Zen right now here and it has me trying to figure out how to let go and just be. (Now that song is in my head... if it's meant to be, it'll be, it'll be, baby just let it be.) Sorry for the interruption...
I have a long story but I'll just cut to the highlights...
I have a super duper huge problem with my middle son's girlfriend/baby momma. She is a thorn in my side and I wish she would just move on and be finished with my son, but that isn't likely to happen... EVER!
She has caused nothing but upheaval in my family's lives and especially with me. She does the worse things and I can't forgive her for a TON of the things she done.
It has gotten so bad my talk therapist (tdoc) has even said I need to rigidly enforce my boundaries of her not being around me or even in the general vicinity I'm in.
I hate how she treats my son and I'm upset with him for putting up with it. He comes here and complains but does nothing to remedy the situation.
A few things she does besides the garbage she has done to me are sleeping all day long and keeping the kids in the bedroom with her so she can sleep and she doesn't have to get out of bed to do anything. She stays in that bed as much as she possibly can.
Another thing is the one-ups-man deal she has going on. No matter what you do or where you've been she has ever done or been there.
Some things she has told us...
"I beat prostate cancer." Ummm... last I knew, women didn't have prostates.
"I used to be anorexic." She has never missed a meal in her life. And I have seen her pictures of when she says she had anorexia. There's no way.
"I never get any rest." All she does is sleep! She doesn't clean their home, she doesn't do anything.
She expects my son to go out for 8 to 16 hours a day and do his very physical and laborious job and then as soon as he walks through the front door she says, "the kids are up, they need to be fed and bathed, I'm going to bed." and she does just that. Leaves him to cook and clean and take care of the kids after working all day lifting, carrying, etc.
She knows I don't like her and she continually tries to get on my good side, but then the last time I relented and gave her a chance she started talking crap about my youngest son. That's one thing you just don't do to a Mama Bear like me where family is everything and Higher Power help the person who does.
It's just one thing after another with her. I'm so tired of it.
How can I just "let it all go?"
7 people like this
8 responses
@yoalldudes (35037)
• Philippines
6 Nov 20
I believe one has to physically distance and set boundaries for people who bring negativity and is toxic in ones life. Easier said than done though.
4 people like this
@StormyRainStevens (46)
• United States
6 Nov 20
She is ALWAYS negative and toxic. My tdoc says that is why I can't stand her - she is the polar opposite of me.
But that being said, she brings out my "Dark wolf," and I hate that. Negativity is contagious that way. I hate to think she would be the Yang to my Yin, ya know?
@ptrikha_2 (46801)
• India
8 Nov 20
@youalldudes
Yes distancing works. However, I have seen some folks who still keep on arguing and one of them tries to peep into the other one's life. That does not helps either of them.
@innertalks (21860)
• Australia
6 Nov 20
If we cannot let go in one area, let go in a different area, and that letting go, will eventually help to heal the holding on in the other area then too.
Let go here in your writing, is a good way to start letting go. That's what I do here.
3 people like this
@StormyRainStevens (46)
• United States
7 Nov 20
I wish this platform had a love or a million like button!
2 people like this
@Shiva49 (26634)
• Singapore
7 Nov 20
I think a detached attachment will help.
Your son should take the initiative to set things right and find balance in his family life.
He should be forthright in terms of what is fair and he should not be taken advantage of as a matter of course.
It is tough for a mother-in-law to step in as it can make things worse.
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (36486)
•
6 Nov 20
Setting boundaries and sticking to them is often difficult. She sounds like a piece of work. I'm sorry, and then you have a grandchild involved? I think from what you have said, your son will tire of this before long. No one, man or woman, would want to be treated like that. It's so hard when there are children involved. Negative and thinking only of herself, I already don't like her, either.
3 people like this
@WorDazza (15830)
• Manchester, England
7 Nov 20
I apologise. I started reading this post with a view to perhaps offering an opinion or some advice. I then read the line "I beat prostate cancer" and haven't stopped laughing since. Any advice will have to wait. And it probably wouldn't be any good either as I'm terrible for bearing a grudge!!!
1 person likes this
