Why do some people want their friends to succeed? And others want their friends to fail?

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jan 21

I believe you are right. What's sad to me is that her negativity has not changed much in decades. She is the same person I knew when we were both 10.

9 people like this

Kayla Tsukino

@kaylachan (58292)

• Daytona Beach, Florida

25 Jan 21

@TheHorse This tells me she has an underlying health issue, probably a victim of abuse in some form or another. She could be a good person, but you'd never know under all the pain she expresses through negativity.

9 people like this

Ma. Lourdes Macaya

@macayada (1497)

• Cavite City, Philippines

25 Jan 21

@TheHorse You got the right words delivered "covering their insecurities" .

4 people like this

George B Vieto

@Deepizzaguy (94943)

• Lake Charles, Louisiana

25 Jan 21

I guess some people do not know that wishing for failure of someone who wants to be successful is because of envy or jealously.

8 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jan 21

Yeppers.That's how I see it.

3 people like this

Ma. Lourdes Macaya

@macayada (1497)

• Cavite City, Philippines

25 Jan 21

Envy or jealousy are negative but can be positive if used to motivate ourselves to surpass the success of others

6 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jan 21

@macayada Good point. But of course jealousy is not necessary when it comes to role models. I was never jealous of my guitar idols. I simply tried to imitate them to the best of my ability.

5 people like this

Judy Story

@jstory07 (134678)

• Roseburg, Oregon

25 Jan 21

You would think that a friend would be positive toward you and not negative.

7 people like this

vanny

@vandana7 (98986)

• India

28 Jan 21

@TheHorse Is she the one who broke your heart in the Roving song?

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jan 21

I reckon I can not consider her among my true friends. It is sad because I've know her so long.

4 people like this

Judy Evans

@JudyEv (326162)

• Rockingham, Australia

25 Jan 21

I wrote recently about toxic friendships and this seems to fit the bill nicely. Some people can't bear to see others do well.

8 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jan 21

I suppose that those who are not satisfied with what they have accomplished wish similar frustrations on those around them.

5 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jan 21

@JudyEv I try to avoid such people but can't help checking in with them now and again.

4 people like this

Judy Evans

@JudyEv (326162)

• Rockingham, Australia

25 Jan 21

@TheHorse Yes, something like that I'd say.

4 people like this

Frederick Espiritu

@simplfred (20641)

• Philippines

25 Jan 21

I think most friends will hope someone to succeed if they do not then they aren't a real friend...

8 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jan 21

I agree.

6 people like this

Scott Andersen

@DocAndersen (54407)

• United States

25 Jan 21

If I may twiest your question just a little. There are people that i wouldn't call friends that I don't want to succeed. If someone is my friend, and that is a measure of time, then without a doubt I do anything I can to help them succeed. Sometimes, though, relationships with other people, including the one you describe, can be toxic for both sides.

5 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jan 21

Right. She has a history of depression. I have a history of being an optimist (though I done more than my share of grieving). I think that "happy" people can be a bother to depressives.

3 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Jan 21

@DocAndersen I agree. I try to go into "active listening" mode with chronic depressives, but there are times I think I should be charging them. Heh.

2 people like this

Scott Andersen

@DocAndersen (54407)

• United States

25 Jan 21

@TheHorse that is an interesting thought, and one i like a lot. I think you are right. Sometimes happiness pushes depressed people's buttons!

2 people like this

BarBaraPrz

@BarBaraPrz (45594)

• St. Catharines, Ontario

25 Jan 21

Simple: Some people are pure of heart and others are jealous.

3 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jan 21

Glad I didn't tell her about the scholarly papers I've published. Heh.

3 people like this

Anna

@LadyDuck (459348)

• Switzerland

25 Jan 21

Only those who give their "genuine" opinion are real friends. I agree that it's nice to have friends who want you to succeed but if they notice that you are doing wrong the best is to let you know. It's not the case of this selfish woman, who is surely jealous because she does not arrive to do what she would like to do... she is not a friend.

3 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Jan 21

I wish she felt satisfied with what she has accomplished.

2 people like this

Anna

@LadyDuck (459348)

• Switzerland

26 Jan 21

@TheHorse She showed to be satisfied, that is very different to "be" satisfied.

2 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Jan 21

@LadyDuck She is trying appear satisfied, but if she were, she would behave differently toward others.

2 people like this

Eva James

@wolfgirl569 (95804)

• Marion, Ohio

25 Jan 21

I dont really know why. I just know I drop contact with those people. Life is too short to have to feel like you need to cater to someone else.

3 people like this

Eva James

@wolfgirl569 (95804)

• Marion, Ohio

26 Jan 21

@TheHorse She is the only one that can make the change.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Jan 21

@wolfgirl569 That is true. I have tried to help her, but I am moving on.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Jan 21

I want to help her. But I cannot.

1 person likes this

Vicki, #1 Creek Girl

@1creekgirl (40632)

• United States

25 Jan 21

I think it all comes down to insecurity. People who feel good about themselves are usually happy when their friends succeed. She isn't the kind of friend you need.

2 people like this

Vicki, #1 Creek Girl

@1creekgirl (40632)

• United States

26 Jan 21

@TheHorse Good idea. I want to listen to your song when my husband's not napping.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Jan 21

@1creekgirl It's my most recent. You may already have heard it. If not, bathe it likes and comments, subscribe to my channel, send me millions of dollars, etc.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jan 21

I make a point of keeping my distance from her.

1 person likes this

WorDazza

@WorDazza (15833)

• Manchester, England

25 Jan 21

Sounds to me like she's also a 'user'. For some people having success is not enough. They also have to see others fail otherwise it somehow takes away from their success. I feel sorry for people like that. They're never going to be happy. Morrissey wrote a song about this. It's called "We hate it when our friends become successful".

2 people like this

Fleur

@Fleura (29218)

• United Kingdom

25 Jan 21

Did you read recently that George Clooney gave $1million to each of his closest friends to thank them for helping him through the tough times. I think he is lucky those friends are still there; many would be too jealous of his success to remain friends.

2 people like this

WorDazza

@WorDazza (15833)

• Manchester, England

25 Jan 21

@Fleura Didn't know that. That's a really nice thing to do. The opposite side to that is many famous people ditch their old friends the second they make it big. Genuine friendships will prevail.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Jan 21

I may have to check out that song!

2 people like this

LindaOH

@LindaOHio (157330)

• United States

25 Jan 21

She is a negative and rude person. To tell you that things you did were stupid and then not give you a mention in her book....Why are you still friends with her? You deserve better.

3 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jan 21

@JudyEv made an interesting point. I have avoided her (for the most part) over the years, but there is a certain "fascination" around seeing whether a person has changed.

3 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Jan 21

@LindaOHio Sigh. The best predictor of later behavior is earlier behavior. Don't worry--I'm not holding my breath.

1 person likes this

LindaOH

@LindaOHio (157330)

• United States

26 Jan 21

@TheHorse Well, good luck with that!

1 person likes this

Merryjoy

@resukill22 (25052)

• Las Pinas City, Philippines

25 Jan 21

There are many kinds of people that is why

5 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jan 21

How do you deal with "friends" that are always negative?

3 people like this

Thelma

@thelme55 (76481)

• Germany

25 Jan 21

@TheHorse I have gotten rid of my negative "friends" as they made me sick.

2 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jan 21

@thelme55 I try to avoid really toxic people. When they are family members, it's hard to do that completely.

1 person likes this

CarolDM

@CarolDM (203451)

• Nashville, Tennessee

25 Jan 21

I have had friends and family with this attitude over the years. Still I try to understand. Often jealousy plays a role. Especially between females it seems. Competition. Even within your own family. Many can never feel proud of your accomplishments if you are doing something bigger and better than they are. These are not true friends.

4 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jan 21

Agreed. Interesting point about females. But I would argue that male family and friends do the same stuff...they just do it differently.

2 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Jan 21

@CarolDM We actually discuss this stuff in my college classes. Males tend to sneak "successes" into their conversations (softball championships won, business deals completed. etc.). I'm not sure what females do.

1 person likes this

CarolDM

@CarolDM (203451)

• Nashville, Tennessee

25 Jan 21

@TheHorse I am sure males do as well. My experience has always been with females.

2 people like this

Always smiling

@allknowing (130165)

• India

25 Jan 21

Jealousy I suppose the reason to see others fail but I always say to see success in another person is like looking at flowers that bloom in someone else's garden.

2 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Jan 21

Flowers are beautiful no matter where they bloom. If we need to, we can claim some credit.

1 person likes this

Four Walls

@FourWalls (62498)

• United States

25 Jan 21

Hey, you’re the psychologist, don’t ask me! Maybe it’s an insecurity on their part.

2 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Jan 21

She is like very few people I have known.

1 person likes this

Jabo

@jaboUK (64361)

• United Kingdom

26 Jan 21

My thoughts are that there are nice people in the world and there are some not so nice.

1 person likes this

Jabo

@jaboUK (64361)

• United Kingdom

26 Jan 21

@TheHorse Probably both but predominantly nature in my opinion.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Jan 21

@jaboUK Oh, I think a lack of support along the way can contribute a lot.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Jan 21

Seems to be true. Why? Nature? Or Nurture?

1 person likes this

Valerie J. Routhieaux

@just4him (307318)

• Green Bay, Wisconsin

25 Jan 21

Some people don't know how to be positive or say anything nice. It's such a shame they're that way. Love the song.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Jan 21

@just4him Very true.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jan 21

Thanks, Valerie. I wish could hep her. But I feel I cannot. Hey, sorry about the Packers' loss. Time to admit that Tom Brady is one heck of a quarterback. But I asked my liquor store guy "Who is the best of all time?" He said Joe Montana, of course.

1 person likes this

Valerie J. Routhieaux

@just4him (307318)

• Green Bay, Wisconsin

25 Jan 21

@TheHorse Everybody has their favorite quarterbacks.

1 person likes this

Simone

@Janet357 (75656)

•

25 Jan 21

I don't wanna say any bad description of your friend. But all I can say is you are ONE REAL friend.

2 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Jan 21

Maybe I have to back off a bit from supporting anyone I have called my friend.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

29 Jan 21

@Janet357 Yep. That also a way to tell if someone is what one of my (non-religious) friends called a "true Christian."

Simone

@Janet357 (75656)

•

29 Jan 21

@TheHorse I think one can know a friend is real when he has nothing.

1 person likes this

Ma. Lourdes Macaya

@macayada (1497)

• Cavite City, Philippines

25 Jan 21

It does hurt when your friend is causing you pain but we must also understand that there maybe hidden feeling that burdens your friend, however, do not bother yourself trying to reach her because it is her that needs you most.

2 people like this