Need advice -- He slept with my daughter

Canada
February 15, 2021 11:05am CST
This past weekend I found out my husbands best friend of 30+ years slept with our daughter, our daughter is my husbands "stepdaughter", but daughter just the same. I first met "Fred" a month or so after I met my husband, he was in his late 20s then, my daughter was 10. My daughter is now 29, and "Fred" is 49. Fred has been going through a rough time lately, for the 20+ year I have known him, he has been apart of our family, Christmas's, holidays, etc. Fred is like an uncle, my husband and Fred have been friends since childhood, Fred was best man at our wedding. Now I understand both are adults, and I am not debating that they were both consenting adults. but it's just not sitting right with me. I haven't been around Fred since I found out. He told my husband this weekend. I feel differently now, it just feels so wrong. There is so much more to the story, but this is the jest of it. I don't know how to react around him, and I don't know what to say, as I know a confrontation is bound to happen. Advice please?
6 people like this
5 responses
M.-L.
@MALUSE (69390)
• Germany
15 Feb 21
You haven't mentioned what your daughter has to say about this. Without this information it's difficult to form an opinion.
Rachel
@RachelleDD (823)
• Canada
15 Feb 21
She is hurt, he has known her since she was 10, had a uncle-niece relationship...just not by blood. Family gatherings take on a new dynamic now, he won't be around if she is and vice versa. Plus the ex he just got back together with doesn't want "Fred" hanging out at the home of his best friend in fear our daughter might be there. Thanks for replying :)
M.-L.
@MALUSE (69390)
• Germany
15 Feb 21
@RachelleDD But your daughter is 29. It's hard to image that it happened against her will.
Rachel
@RachelleDD (823)
• Canada
15 Feb 21
oh my goodness, no, it was not against her will. That itself would be a different story if that were the case. This man has been apart of our family for more than 20 years, just going forward it will be difficult knowing this information.
Juliaacv
@Juliaacv (48654)
• Canada
15 Feb 21
I would be standing by my daughter in this case and getting her thoughts and feelings on it, and then if possibly offering guidance, hoping that you share a closeness that she will accept your guidance.
Rachel
@RachelleDD (823)
• Canada
15 Feb 21
We are close, she knows she can always come to me for anything. I think she feels ashamed, it feels like I am more upset with him tho. I feel as if he used her. :(
1 person likes this
Juliaacv
@Juliaacv (48654)
• Canada
15 Feb 21
@RachelleDD That is a mother's prerogative to feel that way.
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Ken
@kanuck1 (4401)
•
16 Feb 21
I know that they are both adults. Maybe it's just me but I feel that a line that should not have been crossed has been crossed and things will and can never be the same again.
Fiacre Banks
@xFiacre (12499)
• Ireland
15 Feb 21
@RachelleDD There are some lines you don’t cross, but when your daughter is 29 it’s maybe best to let her know it’s not a choice you would have made but that you still love her and don’t want it to come between you and that you’ll not try to stop her.
paigea
@paigea (35828)
• Canada
15 Feb 21
Sad as this would make me, If they are both adults, I would stay out of it. The only person I would talk to about it would be my daughter. Take care.
Rachel
@RachelleDD (823)
• Canada
15 Feb 21
Thanks paigea, she will always be a priority over all else.
1 person likes this