i dont know how to console others

May 11, 2022 9:17pm CST
I had spent three years in my college hostel living with strangers, who had different first languages, with different religions, different cultures, majoring in different subjects and still managed to become friends. we all lamented about our college grades, about the heavy workload. the most challenging thing for me in our relationship was being able to console. living together, we have seen each other in our most vulnerable situations, we are aware of other's insecurities and i could say i knew them pretty well. but that's it. i am not sure if i have been of any comfort for them at those moments. naturally when someone cries, my instinct is to leave them alone. if i ask them what their problem is, even if they tell me, i don't know how to console them. I don't think i would be able to say the right thing. so i prefer giving them space and staying away. of course this didn't go well with our relationship. we are friends but not besties or anything. they confide less in me. and the strangest part is i was okay with all these until i got into marriage.
4 people like this
5 responses
@Kouponkaren (5505)
• United States
12 May 22
I have always found when I didn't know what to say, writing something down and giving it to them in a card or a note really helped. I would tell them I was sorry they were dealing with whatever it was making them sad, and that I was there for them if they needed anything. Maybe that would help in your marriage too? My husband likes my notes and cards...and sometimes a card says what I can't.
2 people like this
12 May 22
Thankyou! I should try doing that too.
• Nairobi, Kenya
12 May 22
I also don't know how to console people especially if they are crying but I try sometimes as much as I can. Maybe I will download a video on how to console people life is all about learning so I can try to learn how to. It doesn't look good if someone that comforts you when your sad doesn't recieve the same from you when they are also sad.
1 person likes this
@Deepizzaguy (96457)
• Lake Charles, Louisiana
12 May 22
I try to keep my distance with strangers or friends since I do not want to know too many details about them.
1 person likes this
@Sojourn (13836)
• India
13 May 22
It becomes even harder I guess to console one who belongs to different culture.
12 May 22
Some people only want a shoulder to cry on, so you could be that shoulder. But if you can't, just do it your way.
1 person likes this