A quick post about kids and attachment. The importance of "scripts."
By The Horse
@TheHorse (205943)
Walnut Creek, California
May 11, 2023 3:25pm CST
I have a young friend who is attached to me. How did we become attached? He was crying, so I showed him a little plastic dinosaur that has little rubber bubbles in it that you can poke at. If you poke right, they "pop" through to the other side. We poked at the bubbles and made them go to the other side. When we did so, I would say "We did it!" We would both laugh and move on to the next bubble.
This was a month or two ago. He is about 15-months old now. I see two little teeth on top and two little teeth on the bottom, like some of the kids in Coco Melon.
Today, when I got there, he was outside, crying. He was in a teacher's arms, but she did not appear to be able to soothe him. When he saw me, he reached his arms out to me. I was still outside and had to wait to be let in.
When I made it to the outside play area, he wobbled over to the toy shelf, grabbed a little dinosaur with bubbles in it, and wobbled over to me. He plopped down next to me, and we spent about ten minutes popping bubbles and saying "We did it!" His "We did it" sounds like "Waitih!" Good enough. Finally he plopped down in my lap, and we continued on with the dinosaur.
At a certain point, I said, "We did them all. Turn it upside down so we can pop them again!" He paused for about a second and then did so. He cannot really speak yet, but he understood what I was saying.
Having a "script"--a familiar set of interactive behaviors--is essential to the formation of attachments in/with young children. My academic advisor at UCSB (Dr. Daphne Bugental) and I used to discuss this, and the more I work with very young children, the more I appreciate her wisdom.
A script increases predictability and controllability, reducing anxiety and leading to a feeling of safety. It's true in adults too, I think. My adult friends and I have certain things we talk about and certain things we do together.
Have you ever thought about "scripts" Do you have certain things you tend to talk about with certain friends? Does a good conversation make you feel "safe" and "heard"?
16 people like this
14 responses
@DaddyEvil (137142)
• United States
11 May
I've never thought about it like that but yes, we all respond better when we stay in our familiar activities and conversations.
3 people like this
@TheHorse (205943)
• Walnut Creek, California
12 May
@DaddyEvil It makes us feel "safe" when buying a Bic Mac Special or a car battery.
3 people like this
@TheHorse (205943)
• Walnut Creek, California
12 May
As @MarshaMusselman implied, we also have scripts for certain "situations," and the people therein.
3 people like this
@TheHorse (205943)
• Walnut Creek, California
12 May
I realize I have different "styles" of relating with different people. With some I am a bit cynical and might curse like a sailor at times. With others I'm quite positive and/or polite. Both kinds of interaction can be pleasing.
2 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (95346)
• Marion, Ohio
12 May
@TheHorse That and talking about certain things
3 people like this
@TheHorse (205943)
• Walnut Creek, California
12 May
@wolfgirl569 Familiar things?
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@ihasaquestion (8274)
•
12 May
I like spontaneity around kids but I guess scripts could work at times.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (205943)
• Walnut Creek, California
12 May
@ihasaquestion To me, scripts are just familiar things we talk about or do with other people.But they tend to feel "safe."
@kaylachan (57825)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
11 May
My husband and I talk about what ever ops into our heads generally. And, then there are occasions where I am consistent with what I say to Chilly, our cat. He knows routines based on what we do.
2 people like this
@kaylachan (57825)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
12 May
@TheHorse It's just as important for Tham, as it is for kids and people.
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@TheHorse (205943)
• Walnut Creek, California
12 May
@kaylachan Is "Tham" them? Or is Tham a cat you've never mentioned?
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@RasmaSandra (73502)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
11 May
I agree with you about scripts. I have friends I get in touch with online and I know pretty much about what to talk to them and what we could discuss, That makes it all very easy to handle things,
2 people like this
@MarshaMusselman (38663)
• Midland, Michigan
11 May
I never thought about it before but I imagine most people use them with different groups is people and possibly even more so when mingling with those they don't know very well.
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@aninditasen (15744)
• Raurkela, India
12 May
We have to change the script according to the child's comfort zone.
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@TheHorse (205943)
• Walnut Creek, California
13 May
@aninditasen Some rules we have to impose on them, like when it's clean-up time. But we can do so in such a way that makes it not a battle.
@aninditasen (15744)
• Raurkela, India
13 May
@TheHorse Yes, methods and rules are set by the kids. We can only make some improvements in it.
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@LindaOHio (156489)
• United States
12 May
Yes. My husband has turned into a curmudgeon and is often grumpy and negative. There are certain conversations that we have, many times about the dogs that we've had, that will turn him around and bring a smile to his face.
2 people like this
