Cremation vs. traditional burial? And how do you want to be remembered?

@MarieCoyle (29529)
August 20, 2023 12:03am CST
Have you ever had to make these decisions for someone? To be cremated, to be buried in the traditional? way in a casket, is a dilemma for so many people. I have had to make that decision for family members over the years. I was fortunate, as for the most part they had already stated their preferences, so I didn't have to guess what to really do. In some of the instances, there was a lot of insurance or extra money and the cost didn't have to really be considered. In others, it did. My Dad wanted a military funeral, and his military stone. He specified this to me both verbally and in his will. He wanted to be placed in a casket, no cremation, and be put in a cemetery we had a lot of family buried in. So, all of that was easy. The hard part was having a visitation where he lived, then having his remains/casket taken to where I lived at the time, to have yet another ceremony type thing. I discovered the long, drawn out process of all of this was just really stressful and hard on the emotions. I did what he specified to the best of my ability. When my mother died, she wanted to be cremated and had left a note to that effect. Long, long story for another day, I did what she asked, as well. She was buried in the same cemetery as my father, but not in the same section--they had not been married in 30 years, and did not want to lie next to each other in their next life. Oh, the drama... When sister died, she had left instructions as well. She was cremated and buried by my father. My brother-in-law took care of most of the arrangements, so that was a relief. There have been other family members who passed away with no close family other than me to make these decisions. To be honest, I wish I hadn't had to do that. I discovered that many of the other family members want to put their two cents worth in to it, questioning whether it should be a formal burial with a casket, or a cremation. One of my very best friends has paid in advance for her funeral. She isn't old and she isn't dying. Her husband died, he had insurance. He was buried with formality in a swanky casket in a fancy suit (he never wore a suit!) and his funeral, casket, burial plot, services, limo, etc. was way, way over $12K. She recently paid in advance for all of hers--over $14K. This is not a rich family. She thinks cremation is evil and appalling and no one should want that. We have to agree to disagree, as I think cremation is the way to go, but to each his own, I guess. I read an article today that as of April 2023, 60% of people in the US are now cremated, with only 40% buried in a casket with the vault liner, etc. This is good. I always think of ashes to ashes...once our lives are over, we do not need to lie in state throughout eternity in a fancy box with silver handles, lined with silk and a little silk pillow. I don't want that, for sure. My kids have all said the same thing, they don't want that, either, when their time comes. No one wants to talk about death. I don't want to, I know. I also know that whether we like it or not, death is a part of life and we do have to deal with it, unfortunately. I am just extremely glad that at long last, cremation is accepted now more than it ever was before. Oh, and I told the kids, when I leave this world, absolutely no formal funeral. I want a little memorial service, everyone tell funny stories about me or good times we shared together. I want them to serve good food and great coffee and wine and whatever if that's what is warranted. I want wildflowers, not formal roses or the carnations that always remind me of funeral homes. I want to be remembered with smiles and laughter. How do you want to be remembered?
13 people like this
7 responses
@DaddyEvil (137142)
• United States
20 Aug
Pretty has been told I want to be cremated, no ceremony and my ashes scattered at the lake or along the river we swam in for years. (No laws against that in Missouri. Ashes can't be scattered on the beach but that's the only restriction.) I have a life insurance policy that will easily cover the cost.
5 people like this
@MarieCoyle (29529)
20 Aug
Yes, some states do have laws about where you can scatter ashes. I have also discovered through some discreet questioning that if they are already scattered, often it is just overlooked. And of course, some people just bury the ashes in a regular cemetery plot. In the end, it doesn’t matter, we won’t be needing our remains by then.
2 people like this
@Dreamerby (3048)
• Calcutta, India
20 Aug
I want a burial. But according to my religion my ashes should be scattered in the River Ganges
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (29529)
20 Aug
I do not want my remains buried in a box for eternity. But if you adhere to what your religion wants, you won't have a choice. I am glad to have a choice. Everyone does not want the same thing, and that's ok.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (460489)
• Switzerland
20 Aug
My mother had told us that she wanted to be cremated. I have signed paper to let my Notary know that I want to be cremated and my ashed scattered, no urns. I want to be remembered as someone who was not a burden.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (29529)
21 Aug
@LadyDuck Anna, I have to agree that it does seem rather creepy. My own mother was cremated, so no viewing. My father, I chose to close the casket--the family viewed him and then we had it closed. My own family had never had open caskets for their family members.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (74146)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
22 Aug
Cremated and my ashes scattered since everything is so expensive that is all I would like and even that costs. Of course, after I go I no longer have to worry about what happens and at times I don't care. Being a pauper I have very few choices. Whatever happens I hope I can open a hole in a cloud and watch what's going on or just stand nearby since no one can see me and see how it all goes,
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (29529)
23 Aug
I understand what you mean. Once we're gone, it doesn't really matter, we do not need our bodies any longer.
1 person likes this
@just4him (308702)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
21 Aug
I donated my body to science. They will do with it what they will. I told my kids I want a party with military honors.
1 person likes this
@just4him (308702)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
21 Aug
@MarieCoyle I think so too.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (29529)
21 Aug
A party is way better, in my opinion!
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (158796)
• United States
20 Aug
I wish I could pick my casket and all the other arrangements and that we could pick out our burial plots; but we aren't 100% sure that we will stay in this area. We still have dreams of moving to the Florida Keys. No cremation for me. Hubby left his up to me. He will go in a casket too. Such dreary thoughts! Enjoy your day.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (158796)
• United States
21 Aug
@MarieCoyle I certainly wouldn't care what others thought. I told my husband not to put me in a white or black coffin. I want a wood grained one. Just a personal preference. lololol
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (29529)
21 Aug
@LindaOHio We all have our own beliefs and preferences. When we are gone, it won't matter what people think!
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (29529)
21 Aug
@LindaOHio I guess I just think differently than she does. I mean...all of that money to basically put in a hole in the ground. Maybe she didn't. She often worries about ''what will people think?'' and I gave that up YEARS ago!
1 person likes this
@jstory07 (135173)
• Roseburg, Oregon
20 Aug
My husband and I both want to be cremated. One of my kids will take care of everything.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (29529)
20 Aug
That's good that you have voiced your preferences, Judy.
1 person likes this