Vinnie Jones in the Country ( 2023)

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In the early days of the Reality TV ‘experiment’ it was quite interesting viewing to watch normal unsuspecting people plunged into abnormal situations, under the gaze of their fellow general public snug at home, Big Brother perhaps the most famous for it. But when winners of these shows started to be rewarded with celebrity and fame the next bunch of contestants were simply a bunch of show-offs looking for that fame and so the shows no longer worked. Then celebrities with genuine skills and reputations in sports and other entertainment etc wanted a piece of the exposure pie and so the ‘normal people started to lose their shot at fame. We came full circle when previous ‘normal people’ from reality shows were invited on as fully fledged celebrities to the celebrity version of those shows they won back in the day. One woman has become famous just because she survived an acid attack from her boyfriend that badly disfigured her face and recovered enough to seek fame on these shows. Another woman from the general public was planted on Celebrity Big Brother to pretend she was famous and then gained fully fledged celebrity by pulling it off. The final juice was squeezed out of the format with an inversion where established celebrities like Top Gears’ Jeremy Clarkson have the abnormal situation built around them and see how they cope with it, in his case trying his hand at farming - but no eating bugs or being starved in the jungle as they are the producers of the show this time around. The latest to try this publicity push is football hard man Vinnie Jones, the ex English soccer player who was mostly known for smashing the opposing players early on and then exhibiting very little football skills for the next 75 minutes, his football fame peaking in that memorable FA Cup Final where they beat the mighty Liverpool. He then went on to be a successful B-Movie actor in Hollywood. Vinnie had made little effort to disguise the fact that his new documentary on Discovery+ is somewhat contrived and very similar to Jeremy Clarkson’s Farm on Amazon Prime, accept he’s not a farmer and not turning his land into a working farm. It’s not exactly clear what the subject matter or point of the show is other than loads of ‘geezas’ talking ‘geeza’. These shows are about characters trying to reinvent themselves from their TV vapour trail that blasted them to their fame and, more importantly, wanting people to like them now, Jeremy Clarkson playing the bumbling English chap in the countryside and the far bluer-collar Vinnie Jones wanting to be the Lord of his country manor, his search for respect, I guess, something that clearly narks him that he never got playing football. The better English shows hammer in social class deep into the texture like a blacksmith’s vice and let the comedy sparks that divide English people produce the rest. The basic setup is Vinnie Jones has moved back to his roots in England from Los Angles although his roots were very much East London and certainly not an idyllic country estate in Sussex. We are supposed to believe he has mellowed from grief and his middle years, losing his wife to cancer ten years back that really broke him. He comes across as a loveable rogue in the show but also someone desperate for acceptance. He spends his days bossing his builder mates around who are constructing a large extension to his country farm, blokes with names like ‘Wobbly’ and ‘Hacksaw’, passing the summer days mixing cement and talking geeza. Vinnie’s Absolutely Fabulous P.A Emma is the shows attractive energy and keeps the boys in line by getting on top of their recycling and language whilst Vinnie just does his own thing, in episode two worried about the fact he had only seen one hedgehog on his farm in twenty years. He planned to breed some on his land until the local vet pointed out the Badgers wee eating them all. This show is really where we are with TV today. Talent is not that needed anymore and producers just need to create conflict to entertain. The normal people at home used to look up to TV stars but now the normal people are the stars and we are looking down on the stars as they eat bugs and denied food. When polled, young school girls dream carer was lawyer in third, a doctor second and winning Love Island was first.