have you noticed the lack of gentelmen now?

United States
December 3, 2006 9:15pm CST
I was born and raised in the south. A gentleman held a door open for a lady, and was polite and courteous. I try to be courteous for everyone I can. But I'm finding a trend...lots of times if I'm going out a door and a man is coming in, I will hold the door just out of politeness. These men almost NEVER even say thank you! They ignore me, and walk in the door as if that is the reason I was put on this earth!..and not very many men hold the door open for me, either! What is wrong with the men these days? Have you had this happen to you? Why do you think this is more the normal these days than not?
20 people like this
139 responses
• Singapore
4 Dec 06
i guess women nowadays kept on fighting for equality in both men and women that when the men try to be gentleman, they might think that women will be offended. however, i have a lot of guy friends who are still a gentleman and my bf is a true gentleman that not only he holds the door open for me, but he will always make sure that i'm safe and cared for wherever i go, even to the ladies..he will wait right outside for me :D
4 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 06
You do have the exception to the rule these days. However, I still wonder if the big equality movement should have anything to do with simple courtesy to others, man or woman. Thank you for sharing your views.
4 people like this
@kgwat70 (13396)
• United States
5 Dec 06
I still hold the door open for my lady friends or coworkers. I always get up early in the morning to make sure my neighbor get s in her car safely since she is afraid of the dark. I do other gentleman like things for any woman that I meet, whether I know them or not. There are still lots of guys that are gentlemen but maybe in some areas they are far and few between.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec 06
You are a very kind man, and I wish there were more like you around these days. Thank you so much.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 06
I know what you mean. Sometimes I wish there was romance and old fashioned polite men but things have changed. I can honestly say at this point in my life I MUCH prefer taking the man out and paying for the meals and such as that which sometimes isn't received well so I don't complain to much when they don't open doors and stuff. Traditions are changing and while I miss some things I'm also happy about some of the changes.
3 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 06
I honestly don't mind a lot of the changes either. However, you don't have to expect a man to hold a door for you, but if you hold a door for a man OR a woman, shouldn't you at least expect a thank you? I appreciate your views
3 people like this
@gifana (4836)
• Portugal
4 Dec 06
I sometimes find here in Portugal that the people on the whole are very polite in many ways but disrespectful in others. Everyone says good morning how are you and respond with a thank your when asked the same. I sometimes wonder if they are sincere or if is just a recording. It's odd now that I think of it but the word "obrigado" is well used here. However, the go 180ยบ in the other direction and stand in doorways to chat and it takes a bulldozer to move them and then don't aplogize. Oh well, I've gotten used to it. The older generation is very much different....they are very respectful almost to the point of nausea. Some even kiss a lady's hand when they meet or make a little bow. It's the old school.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 06
It may be old school, but I'm afraid that I'll never get used to the lack of courtesy.
3 people like this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
4 Dec 06
Well, I guess that's one of the "drawbacks" of wanting to be treated equally. Acutally, I don't think men need to hold doors open for women, I actually told my husband to stop doing it while we were dating. Actually, what happened was he'd open my car door, I'd get in and he'd close the door, go around, let himself in, start the car and off we'd go. Now, it's 90+ degrees outside and he has a black car with electric windows. It's stifiling in there and I can barely breathe. I finally had to tell him to get in and start the car so I can put the window down and get some air... As for being polite, women are just as bad about that as men. People barely acknowledge each other's existence any more. It's kinda sad, but I will continue to hold the door for the person walking behind me or coming in the opposite direction. It's the polite thing to do - regardless of being male or female.
• United States
4 Dec 06
Yes, it is the polite thing to do But I still don't think that it is really a matter of equality. Simple politeness should be offered to a man or a woman by a man or a woman. And when I hold a door open for either a man or a woman and am not even acknowledged for doing so, THAT'S what really bothers me. In fact, almost every woman that I have held a door open for has thanked me. But I would say that 90% of all the man that I have held a door for has just walked in and not given a glance in my direction. I agree that men don't have to do as you said about opening car doors and all, but I'm just talking about simple politeness and courtesy. thank you for sharing from a woman's view.
3 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 06
I've had the experience as a woman many times where I hold a door open for a man, and he gets confused and doesn't go through for a few seconds, or tries to take it from me so that I can go through! This seems to show that the few men who do have nice manners (i.e. will hold open a door for a woman) don't really see it as just being polite. If it is just pure politeness, then why shouldn't I be as likely to do it for a guy as he is for me? I did finally tell my boyfriend that he doesn't have to hold doors for me all the time-- now we finally have it down where we trade about 50-50, which seems right :)
• United States
5 Dec 06
thank you so much for your response.
1 person likes this
@Meljep (1668)
• United States
4 Dec 06
Chauvanism has replaced chivalry in the south. It's very, very sad. They will talk down to you like you don't have a brain in your head. Maybe no one is around these days to teach the younger men how to act.
• United States
4 Dec 06
It is not just in the south. I think it is very sad that most parents do not teach their children at least how to be polite anymore. Thank you
3 people like this
• India
4 Dec 06
GENTLE MAN - gentle men in row,nice to see no.
hey bascially every body is good,some times pepole forget the basic things in this machanical world,it dosent mean that suddenly every man has become bad.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 06
No, I did not say that every man is bad. and yes, sometimes people forget. But no one should forget basic courtesy. Thank you
3 people like this
@Xrated (3766)
• Pakistan
4 Dec 06
yes this is a problem with modern generation
2 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 06
thank you
1 person likes this
@momumdee (42)
• United States
6 Dec 06
Wow I could not have said it better myself. I think there is an epidemic of men who do not know how to be men. This has been the topic of may conversations that I have had recently. There are so many reason I would just like to touch on a few that I really think are true. Depending on your age, most of the "men" are from a generation that is fairly needy instant gratification so they don't take the time to think of others, ie. women. Secondly there are not enough real men teaching the younger boys how to be men. With the divorce rate as high as it is more and more boys are living with women. I don't care how good the mother is she will never be able to teach her young son how to be a man. To solve this sad and disheartning epidemic we must first look a the society and the over abundance of divorce. Then maybe just maybe men will act like men
• United States
6 Dec 06
Very good points, however, I disagree with the idea that a mother cannot teach a boy to be a man. I know many single mothers who have done an even better job of teaching their boys how to behave than a lot of mother/father families. I myself was married, but did most of the raising of my boys myself, and to this day my son will still hold all doors open for me, and is very much a gentleman in every way. I agree though, that a lot of times divorce may have something to do with it. Thank you for responding.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Dec 06
Fisher price - this is a great toy
The only reason why I say this is because as a woman we will never really know how to be a man. Please don't misunderstand, women can teach boys to be wonderful men, but there are just some things that we cannot.
@farocop44 (448)
• Canada
5 Dec 06
I think the answer is clear from the posts Im reading. Yes men have changed how courteous they are to women, and speaking as a man I agree it's a cause/effect of the womens lib movement. I have held the door for people, male or female, and have had them reciprocate. However, there are times that I feel unsure whether it would be considered improper to do this, not dwelled on mind you but the thought has occurred to me. This, for me anyway, is indecision that I consider a result of women's complaints that they want to be treated equally. There is soooo much information from tv, newspapers, magazines (womens) that men do read and sometimes dont understand. (although Im guessing thats the point) that it's less stressful to just treat women as we would expect others to treat us.
1 person likes this
• Australia
5 Dec 06
I agree with your comments. I believe the women's lib movement has much to answer for. I guess a lot of younger lasses enjoy their "equality" but I think we have lost so much: especially those "feminine" qualities which made us different. I think of a story I read some time ago, of a lady who objected to a man holding a door open for her, and telling him in no uncertain terms she wasn't a lady. He simply replied, "I didn't hold the door because you are a lady, but because I am a gentleman!"
• United States
6 Dec 06
THank you both. It's just a shame and I feel that the whole world is just beginning to lose all respect for everyone else.
• United States
4 Dec 06
I see this type of behaviour in both men and women. Many times I have held the door open for someone too and they just walk in and barely even look at you. That's certainly not how I was brought up. Makes you wonder where they learned their manners. When someone does this to me now and doesn't say Thank You, I'll just say "You're welcome" anyway. At least it gets their attention and makes them notice or think about how rude they are acting. Here's one way of dealing with this issue. One time when I was out shopping with a friend, she held the door for someone coming in behind her and let this person go first. They didn't say anything at all and practically pushed her over on the way in the door. My friend said "Excuse me, may I have your autograph." The person stopped and looked at her puzzled. She then said "Well you must be a very important person to not need to use manners and common courtesy."
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
4 Dec 06
That's funny I always say thank you when someone opens the door for me.
• United States
5 Dec 06
LOL!.....very good response and I will remember that one! And I'm sure it made the other person think long and hard about being polite! Thanks so much for the input.
@spcbrass (1192)
• United States
4 Dec 06
Most people, men and women alike don't even notice the worls around them anymore. I would say men more so then women because women often tend to notice the little everyday details a lot more then men. The point I am trying to make is that many people spend much of their life going from point a to point b and not noticing what goes on around them. When you are out doing your holiday shopping this weekend watch how many people's eyes are looking down at the ground. People don't take the time to notice if there is someone coming in or out of a door anymore. They are lost in their own bubble and have forgotten that the rest of the world really does exist. If we all took a little more time to fully appreciate all of the little things in life and took the time to notice all of the people around us then we would have more respect for one another and be more polite and courteous in social situations.
1 person likes this
4 Dec 06
Im a writer, i immerse myself in my own fantasy world quite often to escape from reality, and yet i still notice everything that goes on around me. I can be looking at the ground, but if you open the door for me ill say thanks, if you run infront of me ill see you and stop. And sometimes, we need to forget about the rest of the world so that we can carry on just a little further on the road to success. I appreciate all of life. I love nature, anime, books, colors and other things. I love seeing a stream in a meadow, quiet and peaceful. A bird singing in a tree, a fox sneaking up on its prey, all these things make life a little easier to bear.
• United States
5 Dec 06
Very good points. Isn't it sad that we have come to this? I hope we can turn this around someday and all appreciate others a little more. Thank you so much for the response.
@chiyosan (30205)
• Philippines
5 Dec 06
oh you can say that again! men don't even stand up for women on trains, and im telling you, they even pretend to be asleep! there was one time when i rode with a pregnant woman and i had to stand up myself and offer my seat and there are guys around us. they don't seem to care, what more open doors?!
• United States
7 Dec 06
very sad trends...thanks for sharing
1 person likes this
@sarah22 (3981)
• United States
4 Dec 06
yes, i used to love that,the door been opened and you sit first. i guess they are just more comfortable and not been rased with those manners any more. everyone else is not ,so why should i
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Dec 06
Sadly that is the trend these days. Thank you.
@paul8675 (750)
• Australia
4 Dec 06
This is a trend that I have noticed. I really think there are many factors that all interplay, but being a gentleman is not natural, but has to be taught. Where are we teaching it then? Certainly not much at school these days.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Dec 06
Very true. When I was in school, the teachers made sure that common courtesy, which began at home, was continued during the school day. So much has changed, hasn't it? Thank you for that response.
• United States
4 Dec 06
I have seen that a lot too. However, I must say location and breeding has something to do with it. Also, the new world is in such a rush and so self centered. I am lucky to be married to a man for 30 years, and he still opens doors for me, and for anyone male or female if he is going in or out a store. He is from the N.E. and I am from The S.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Dec 06
I am so glad that you have such a wonderful husband. Tell him to keep it up, and thank you for sharing that.
• United States
4 Dec 06
Politeness as a whole has gone down the tubes in recent years, and it's not just the menfolk. Things have changed, and not for the better. Men used to be gentlemen and ladies were ladies. Now and days, things seem like a free for all. People are so self centered and rude now and days that it's pathetic! Women are far more independent and strong willed and men in turn seem to dote less and less on women like they used to - probably because of it. My husband has seven older sisters and a loving mother and was raised right. He's very sweet and loving, he holds doors open and not a Valentine's goes by that I don't get flowers and candy. I think it just depends on the man and how they were raised. I guess it's just up to us to teach our sons to be gentlemen...and our daughters to be ladies. Manners all around people!! Please and thankyou...:O)
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec 06
Absolutely! May more people feel as you do. THank you so very much for sharing, and I hope more men and women read this.
• India
4 Dec 06
moreover all people r not like this.this world have some really nice and polite people too.If u r lucky u will come in their contact..
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec 06
I hope so. Thank you.
• Philippines
4 Dec 06
oh i know what you mean..but i have to agree that these things happen because of women's demand for equality.i have many guy friends who has stated their confusion as to what women really want them to do.but basically, if you can do things for yourself then there's no need to wait for men to be gentle enough to assist you.although nowadays, a gentleman is a rare find
• United States
4 Dec 06
Ok maybe men find it confusing as to what a woman wants them to do or not to do....but if a "person" (man OR woman) cannot say thank you, that has nothing to do with equality, it's just bad manners.
@sharon613 (2323)
• United States
4 Dec 06
photo 011 - photo011
Sometimes people are in a hurry and can't hold the door open for everyone, but still that shouldn't be an excuse.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 06
I'm not even saying that every man should hold a door open. the point I'm really trying to get across is the lack of basic courtesty and manners. People should never be in too much of a hurry to say Please and thank you. Thanks for responding
1 person likes this
@meljessxena (2317)
• Australia
4 Dec 06
yes i have seen this many of times, and even my bf, has changed, when i first met him he would open door for me etc, now doesnt matter who opens the door etc. and well i have walked through a door and held for a guy and no thanks or anything.some males and manners just dont mix i think.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 06
Yes, it is a shame that the simple act of saying thank you is beginning to die out. Let's hope our future generations can re-learn the basics. Thanks for your input
1 person likes this
@Sir_bobby88 (8244)
• Singapore
4 Dec 06
well that is a small population yea ... they are still many gentlemen around the world , there are so many out here in mylot isn't it agree everyone ?
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 06
Actually, these days it's more the exception to the rule when a man even says thanks you anymore. I know that there are still many gentlemen, it's just that the basic courtesy of saying thank you is so few and far between,,thank you for your input
1 person likes this