how can i tactfully tell my friend...

@nextgen (1888)
September 17, 2006 4:42am CST
...that her partner is looking for somewhere else to live? My friend of over 20 years is having problems with her relationship. Her ex husband left her couple of years ago for her best friend and although i had an idea what he was playing at, i never told her til after he left cos she was blaming herself. I helped her back on her feet and even found her the guy she's with now! However, i've know for a few months that he's still going on dating sites saying that he's single and looking for someone. He even sent my workmate a message knowing that we work together! I havent told my friend about this but agreed to try talking to her partner. I spoke to him last night and he said that he cant cope with her mood swings and is looking for somewhere else to live but would still like to stay in a relationship with her. She left the pub in a mood last night at about 10pm whilst he refused to go after her and was still there at 1am! Seems to me that he's used her just for a roof over his head but she's been so desperate for a man in her life!
2 people like this
2 responses
• United States
17 Sep 06
has your friend had any issues with depression? sounds like she could have bipolar disorder. Which causes mood swings,highs and lows. I have this,as wall as a few others here. The woman is not desperate for a man. She is lookin for love and in the worng places. she has to learn to wait till love finds her. No man is going to put up with the mood swings as this gets bad. have her go to a doctor and tell the doctor how she truly feels. This would be the strat of relief to her. As A friend you can always be there for her. try never to get involved in will back fire. You a good friend to talk to the man also. Still this is not your buisness to attend to. Your a good enough friend to still be there. have you not been aware of these mood swings...
1 person likes this
@Sweety76 (1596)
• India
17 Sep 06
That's your friend's problem - being desperate! She needs to be happy with herself before she can be happy with any man. I learned that a long time ago. I don't know if there IS a "tactful" way" to tell her about what you know. Just be honest with her and most of all, "be there" for her after you tell her. This man IS using her, no question. I don't know that I'd even believe that he really wants to stay with her. He's looking for an opt out. If this guy is still on dating sites, then he's not really wanting to be with her at all. Sounds like she needs to find herself and take the time to evaluate what she's looking for in a relationship before she'll be content with anyone. Encourage her to get engaged in some activities that can open up her options, horizons. This information will hurt her, but combined with the other advice I'm giving, maybe it will all help! Good luck - I think you ARE a true friend and I don't envy you for being in this position.
1 person likes this