why is it so hard to be monogamous?

Philippines
December 8, 2006 1:34am CST
As far as i know, i dont know any man that is monogamous by choice. All my relatives, officemates, and friends have cheated on their loved ones. Even my father is not spared of this vice. Me too, i am really having difficulty in stopping my amorous relationships with other girls. Of course, I have a girl that i really love, that i am willing to spend my lifetime, but there are also others that i want to spend a month or just a weekend!! I dont know whether im a hedonist or just a plain jerk!
1 person likes this
43 responses
• Philippines
8 Dec 06
aha. i can relate. i seem to like having amorous relationships with a lot of women too. the difference is, it stopped when i had a serious girlfriend. i guess being monogamous aint so hard if you're really satisfied with your partner (or your partner really satisfies you. wink wink!)
@sarah22 (3981)
• United States
8 Dec 06
i agree with you, people need to find the satisfaction in the one they love, if not then sleeping around does not help. you might catch something or even hurt the one you really love
• Philippines
12 Dec 06
you have a point, but in reality we never get satisfied, our needs continually change, and with constant companionship with the person we love we tend to get curious with other persons, so the cycle just goes on, unless we get impotent!
@Brooke3 (614)
8 Dec 06
I don't think being monogamous is necessarily preferable to having an open or polyamorous relationship. I couldn't be monogamous and i will never pretend that i ambecause any attempt that i've made in the past to be monogamous has ended with people being hurt. I think perhaps the reason why you find it so difficult is because it's just not natural to only want to be with one person for everyone, it works for some people, it doesn't work for others.
• United States
9 Dec 06
I think it's great that you make that known up front.
@sarilynne (273)
• Canada
8 Dec 06
It's not all men. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years and I am 100% certain that he has always been and will always be completely faithful. How can I be sure of this? Well he has experienced what it is like to be on the receiving end of unfaithful behavious - more than once (and not by me!!) so I know that he is morally against it. I feel that if you feel the need to cheat then there is obviously something missing from the relationship and you need to figure out what that is. Of course there always are those people who agree to have open relationships, but that is different because both people agree. I think HONEST and OPENNESS are the most important things in a relationship, and if you can't be honest with your significant other, you shouldn't be with them.
• Canada
8 Dec 06
Sorry, that should read HONESTY.
• United States
8 Dec 06
I don't know that I'd call that behavior "normal". Not all men are cheaters. I know a lot of men who have been faithful to their wives/girlfriends. Maybe you're just not as in love as you think? It's something to consider.
• Philippines
12 Dec 06
I know your a girl, and ideally there should be men that faithfull to the one that they love... I guess love doesnt last forever...
@hermanica (390)
• Philippines
8 Dec 06
thats not true...my boyfriend is monogamous...and i have a lot of friends that are monogamous...its just that these guys are already contented with the girl that they have chosen to love...no offense but i bet that you dont reallty love your girl because if you do love her you shouldnt cheat on her...you are not contented for what you have therefore i dont think that you are really serious with her...my father doesnt cheat on my mom...those are the people that i admire...people that are not adulterous...
• Philippines
12 Dec 06
your father doesn't cheat on your mom? well that is really admirable. But who knows, nobody would want to get caught alive, especially if you have a family. What im trying to say is, im not questioning love, at one point in our life,we experiencing infidelity, either emotional or financial in nature. After an affair, we always go back to the ones that we really love, beacause its just a fleeting moment, its not forever.
• United States
9 Dec 06
Heart - Heart
I think it's just human nature to be attracted to other people. But it's up to us whether we act upon these desires or not. If we truly love someone then no one would be able to make us stray - no matter what they look like. You wouldn't want your loved one to cheat on you because it would hurt and vise-versa. There isn't anyone on earth - even Brad Pitt - that would make me cheat on my husband. I'm completely in love with him and do not want to do ANYTHING to jeopordize our relationship. However that's what works for us. I know that there are people out there who actually to have open relationships but are completely committed to one another. I just don't understand it myself - I wouldn't want to share my husband. Maybe she feels the same way that you do. Just ask yourself how she would feel about your 'amorous relationships' with other girls. And see what that might mean to you.
@Sayantan (335)
• India
9 Dec 06
i dont know. I think its the natural law.
@terita (280)
• Pakistan
9 Dec 06
thats not true...my boyfriend is monogamous...and i have a lot of friends that are monogamous...its just that these guys are already contented with the girl that they have chosen to love...no offense but i bet that you dont reallty love your girl because if you do love her you shouldnt cheat on her
@malsun (1528)
• United States
9 Dec 06
love - love
To each his own... but i am monogamous by choice.
• India
9 Dec 06
ya i agree with u. but the true love is a other thing and a love with a frnd whether it is a male or female is other thing.
• Philippines
9 Dec 06
i don't really know how or explain exactly why some people find it hard to be monogamous. All i can say is that if you love someone, you will do all your best to stay faithful to him/her ^^
@pipin82 (42)
• United States
9 Dec 06
wow,i dont even know what to say about this.Maybe you are just greedy.And how do you allow this one girl to stay with you,if you really loved her you would stop sharing so many germs with her.i dont know man i just dont know.
• United States
9 Dec 06
it's not hard to be monogamous it's your chose whether or not you want to be faithful i mean if you say you love your girlfriend and want to spend the rest of your life with her than all those other girls wouldn't matter. so you need to really think about what you want to do and be honest with your girl and don't lead her on.
@lauczi (964)
• Poland
8 Dec 06
hehe, well im not shoked about u, i know most men wants to be with other women just for seks. maybe cuz of curiosuity or just want to feel that they are real men and can have all they want. and girls are just like a game that men want to hunt. or still feels this primitive feeling of fertilising everything that moves. i suggest u to go to psyhologist and he will tell u why do u feel so why do u need them, maybe even cure u. however i know that many men wouldnt want to stop desire other women, which means they like it! and my fiance is monogamous by choice (once he had problem with it and shrink helped him, but only becuz he really didny want to be attracted by other girls cuz it made him tired)
@emarie (5451)
• United States
8 Dec 06
...i'd say jerk because i've known pleanty of monogamous guys...my father never once cheated on my mother, and my husband has never cheated on me or any other past girlfriends....so i think its just the company you keep...it might be hard for you because you're not at that stage where you CAN be...some guys just aren't relationship material...you either have to deal with it and understand you're not going to be with someone for more then a few months or you get over it...find out why you can't stay with just 1 girl...if it ain't her buddy...IT'S YOU!
• United States
8 Dec 06
I say it is hard because there are so many people out in the worl that you know nothing of. suppose you have a gf or bf and you see someone that you automatically take to. what do you do? you may try them in hopes of your spouse not finding out.
• Australia
8 Dec 06
My deepest sympathy to you!!! I really feel sorry for you. Maybe there are some men who would look on you with favour, but all I see is a self-centred jerk. Monogamy - a lifetime of togetherness with a person of choice IMPROVES as the years go by, and there is never even a single thought of looking elsewhere for satisfaction.
@doniker (493)
• United States
8 Dec 06
The way I always figured it was that when you truly find the right mate you won't want anybody else. Or you will just get too old to care anymore!!!
• United Arab Emirates
8 Dec 06
because at some point in life the marriage gets boring. infact its totally human but just that we have to keep it interesting ;)
• United States
8 Dec 06
Yeah, I'd say you're just a jerk hahaha. I don't see how you can truely love someone if you can't even be monogamous.