How to deal with this situation?
By cyberfluf
@cyberfluf (4996)
Netherlands
December 8, 2006 3:56pm CST
I've found myself in a situation that I find extremely hard to deal with. There are many people here discussing their problems getting great advice, so I thought "Why don't I give this a shot?"
Here's the deal: my ex-boyfriend is on hard drugs, as far as I know he's mainly on speed, but will also take XTC and pretty much anything he can get his hands on.
We didn't go apart very well and he didn't treat me very well; I won't get into details but it just wasn't very good and I had a hard time coping with this.
I have a friend (normal guy pal) who I am in a band with. The other day I visited him, and a guy who lived with him suddenly invited my ex. It's been over 3 years that we broke up, and I have a lovely boyfriend for 3 years now. Somehow, I get very hyper (sometimes even hyperventilating) knowing my ex will come by at a place I am too.
I'm not affraid he will be able to hurt me with all these people around (mostly mentally that is), but I don't feel comfortable about it.
The other guy saw my expression when I heard my ex in the hallway, and he said that he would keep him in his room and tell him not to enter. He didn't and me and my friend had a good last couple of hours.
The thing is, I don't want to be like this. I'm a visitor and I feel a bit bad they go through this trouble for me (even if they do so thereselves). I can't seem to deal with my ex; I don't love him anymore though I hate seeing him go to hell on all these kinds of drugs, and that makes me feel sick to my stomache. I don't do any drugs at all and I don't want anyone to get into trouble.
I've also heard from trusted friends that he deals drugs, and even his own mother found out about this; I just don't want to get into contact with these people, really.
I work with kids and I feel like I have no bussiness with him.
What would you do in this situation? And what if he is somewhere and I can't simply ignore him? Please guys, this is a very real and serious topic, I respect all meanings but please be descriptive and honest on this topic. Thanks! :)
14 responses
@euniceeleanor (5967)
• Singapore
9 Dec 06
i think by avoiding him, you are not facing with the reality and you are still holding on to the past. you are currently with a very nice and loving bf, isnt it? it's time to be able to socialise with your ex around, and letting him know that you are getting on very well without him and you've moved on. be strong to face whatever that may happened but im pretty sure he will not dare to hurt you (physically or mentally) Good Luck!
1 person likes this
@cyberfluf (4996)
• Netherlands
1 Jan 07
Thank you so much, I try this but I tend to run in to him every now and then. I don't talk to him and I go somewhere else, thanks.
@braveheartpt (3037)
• Portugal
9 Dec 06
If you can´t face the problem of your ex-boyfriend and if it makes you harm, you have to step aside from he or where he could be. If it´s make you bad, why suffer? What is gone is gone, when you had with him for sure you tried to help him and he gone other way, so forward with your life, don´t let him destroy your relationship and your life.
@gobindsing (470)
• India
11 Dec 06
You obviously still care for him. Now you have to decide whether you want to move on in life or to cling on to the past. This person can only do harm to you(not physically maybe), another thing which is obvious is that you are emotionally dependant or too compassionate. Advice is free so there is an abundance of it, but , if you really want a solution, then you alone have to assess and decide what is right for you. My free advice to you is to get this person out of your life completely, there are a lot of good people out there and IF you really wish for it, you will find the right one.
@cyberfluf (4996)
• Netherlands
9 Dec 06
Thank you, I will keep an eye out for your next response.
I do think I care for him in some way, I don't want to see his life thrown away like this; that's for sure. I allready asked the one mutual friend we have to try and do so, but he's pretty far away and he doesn't really listen to basicly anyone.
@pagli84 (1850)
• Netherlands
9 Dec 06
it seems really crappy that your friends are inviting your ex knowing your history. you should make it clear how you feel when your ex is around and, if they were your real friends, they would respect that you dont want to be around someone who hurt you so much. you obviously cant stop them from hanging out with them, but make sure they dont do it while you're around...and if you know that he will be around, then get yourself out of there as soon as possible. you shouldnt have to be subjected to that.
@cyberfluf (4996)
• Netherlands
1 Jan 07
Thank you so much for this kind response, I will certainly do that. I repsonded to another response that I have talked to my friend on this case (where my ex visits) that if he drops in another time I'm there I won't stay there. It feels unsafe and it might jeopordize my job too; it just scares me.
Thanks again.
@utsadetti (4589)
• United States
1 Jan 07
Yeah, it is a difficult situation friend. you must be carefful in handling this problem.
@msqtech (15074)
• United States
11 Dec 06
to get over any addiction you have to get low enough to really bust your addict to want to recover. He must hit bottom. The enablers in his life have kept him above his tolerance level and he has been able to spiral down. You need to hold him accountable and allow him to recover from his disease and not enable him.
@Withoutwings (6992)
• United States
9 Dec 06
I don't know what the laws are in your country... but if you really care about him as a person and it's bothering you this much you have to choices - stay away from him or do something about it. Can you have him Baker Acted? Are there any programs in your country that will get involved? My fiance's brother is into all kinds of that stuff. He gets a little crazy and we have had to Baker act him. Then he gets help and he is clean for a while. Is there anything like this that you can do? Otherwise I advise that you don't mix with the kind of people he is around because as Annie said if you are there and there is a raid - you will go down too.
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
9 Dec 06
The best way to deal with it is find out what your feeling of anxiety is related to... are you frightened of him because of past abuse, are you afraid you don't trust yourself and might go back to him and lose the person you know is better for you? Once you decide why you're feeling with it, figure out a way to deal with it that you can help yourself.
@volschenkh (1043)
• South Africa
9 Dec 06
You know what the right thing is to do, you have to get him ito rehab. You need to deal with the fact that you will have to see him on occasions, especially if you share the same group of friends.
@milestone (787)
• India
9 Dec 06
HEy you should be very sure what are you dealing with. firstly clarify your thoughts that you care for your ex or you dont. secondly dont try to run away from the truth but face it. You should make yourself comfortable in such scenerio. i know its hard but its a long time thought. try to think about it and let me know your moves.
Cheers!!
