JOKES! JOKES! JOKES! JOKES! and more JOKES!

Hi there. Below is my joke, hope you will enjoy it. Here comes it: This man, his wife and their Border Collie, Maisy were out for a drive in the country one afternoon in their new convertible, with the top down. The husband and wife were enjoying the scenery as they drove along. While unbeknownest to them, Maisy gave birth to seven puppies while laying on the back seat of the automobile. The couple continued to drive along, unaware of the new arrivals. Soon the road began to deteriorate and was beginning to become quite rough. Suddenly, the car ran over a deep pothole in the road, and one of Maisy's puppies bounced up and out of the car, landing on the roadway just in front of a police car that had been following the man and his wife. The police officer switched on his lights and siren, and soon had the couple pulled over to the side of the road. "What are you pulling me over for?" Queried the startled driver. The officer responded, "I pulled you over for creating a 'Road Hazard, for other drivers!" "What hazard?" Asked the man. "A puppy bounced out of your car and put myself, and several other drivers at risk, trying to avoid hitting it. Now your Drivers License and Proof of Insurance please...Thank you Sir... And the 'Bi*ches' name, Sir." "Hey! How dare you call my wife a bi*ch!" said the driver. "Sir, I was referring to the dog!" replied the cop. "Oh... Her name is Maisy. What do you want her name for, officer?" enquiried the driver. "Well Sir, after I write your ticket for 'Endangering Vehicular Traffic', I am going to cite your dog, Maisy, for Littering!" replied the officer.

Hope you like this one. A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!", said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

I really love sharing jokes with mylotters. Hope U find this one interesting - A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!" So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!" Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts." Cheers!

Sperm Count An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open." NOW..WHO IS THINKING DIRTY...?! DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK.....HAHAHA.

You can be sure the person is Sardar when he: - Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind. - Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it. - Thinks socialism means partying. - Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept. - At the bottom of the application where it says, "Sign here" he puts "Sagittarius." - Sells the car for gas money. - Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead. - Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home.

hey heres a blonde joke to cheer u up An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds. The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"

Why did the chiken cross the road? To get to the other side. Sorry thats the best ive got. I cant think of any non0offensive jokes that are any good.

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers. "Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me." "Good," the teacher said. "What comes after three." "Four," answered the boy. "What comes after six?" the teacher asked. "Seven," little Johnny answered. "Very good," the teacher said. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?" Johnny smiled up at the teacher and answered, "A jack."

Whats brown and sticky? a stick. Now that one will be good for the kids. What do you call a ferocious dog with no legs? Anyhing you like he cant catch you. What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug.