George Carlin Wisdom
December 10, 2006 5:44pm CST
Some simple truths of life by George Carlin... 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because (censored) 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses? 8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong? 10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Anybody got anymore? Karen Vacation and get rich too. . . http://coastal.helps4you.com
30 Dec 06
There was a girl who lusted after a man. She wanted him. He asked her out for a date. He was to come to pick her up at 7pm on Saturday. At 6 55pm she felt that she had to fart. She did not want to fart in the house because she knew that it would smell and she did not want to have the man think that she had a stinky house. The fart was balled up in her intestines. It hurt. She had to fart. She developed a quick plan. When he walked her to the car he would open her door. She would fart while he walked around the car to his door. She would open the car window and fan all of the "offensive" gas out of the car before he got in. The man arrived at 7pm, walked her to the car and opened the door as planned. When she got in she farted, a very loud BRAAAAAAT. She opened the window and waved her hands to fan the smell out. She was comfortable. The man got in, indicated to the back seat and said, "Oh, by the way, I want to introduce you to my parents. They are going to eat with us".