December 10, 2006 11:53pm CST
JOKE 1 Wife talking to her husband (who reads newspaper all day): I wish I were a newspaper so I"ll be in your hands all day. Husband: I wish that too, so I could change you daily JOKE 2 A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? The father replied: I don "t know son. I "m still paying! JOKE 3 At midnight father saw that his married son leaving home... He asks him: what are you doing? The son replied: Dad I am fed up with my life! My newly marriage is not going well, my wife and my mom keep fighting with each other! I have to pay bills for my in-laws, and I hate this life! I want to go far from here, I want to taste every joy of life, and I want to have every fun of life! Father said: Wait! I am coming with you JOKE 4 A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answered: Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you? The husband laughed and said: An English girl! The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picked her up in the airport and asked: So honey, how was the trip? The wife: Very good, thank you. The husband: And, what happened to my present? The wife: Which present? The husband: What I asked for: the English girl? The wife: Oh, that! Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait a few months to see if it’s a girl! JOKE 5 A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn "t like it and moves on, but the husband keeps looking. The wife asks, "What are you waiting for? " The husband replies, "autumn. " JOKE 6 A man is sitting reading his newspaper when the wife sneaks up behind him and whacks(?) him on the head with a frying pan. "What the hell was that for? " he asks. "That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pockets with the name Mary Ellen written on it, " she replies. Don "t be silly, " he says. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races(??), Mary Ellen was the name of one of the horses I bet on. " She seems satisfied at this, and she apologizes. Three days later he "s again sitting in his chair reading when she nails(?,??) him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold. When he comes around, he asks again, "What the hell was that for? " "Your Xing horse just phoned. " JOKE 7 Wife to husband: you were so drunk last night that you insulted your boss. Husband: piss on him! Wife: you did and he fired you! Husband: X him! Wife: I did and you can go back to work tomorrow. JOKE 8 A couple drove several miles down a country road with intense silence. Not a word was said to each other. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to concede his position. As they passed a barnyard of mules(??) and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours? " "Yep, " the husband replied, "in-laws ".
30 Dec 06
Question: Is it true that the extinction of the dinosaurs can be attributed to the fart? Answer: VERY POSSIBLE. The extinction of the dinosaur and the rise of the mammal coincide at about 70 million years ago has led scientists to the "furry fart theory". With the mammals came the first true farts. The addition of extra methane and hydrogen sulfide to the air polluted the dinosaur's system and eventually came to interrupt the shell-forming glands of these reptiles. The soft eggs easily broke when jostled. With fewer eggs surviving, fewer and fewer dinosaurs survived until none were left.
28 Dec 06
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour." _____________________________________________________________ Doctor to his lady patient: "You look terribly weak and exhausted! Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?" Lady replied: "Doctor, I thought you said three males a day."