The smallest vineyard in the world!

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Are you an experienced pro, or even a green-fingered amateur vintner? I would like to grow some vines to camouflage an ugly fence in my garden. Ideally I would like edible grapes as I don't drink wine and there will be only a small quantity. The soil is full of roots from some connifers that were removed a few years ago, are vines deep-rooting and will they root between the woody dead tree roots? (I can't get them out!) What variety will be best for sweet 'eaters'?, How long will they take to mature to a full crop?, How much produce can I expect from 5 metres length of vine in Northern england? (almost scottish borders) All your tips on fertilising and all other varieties of fruit and veg I can grow in my climate would be greatly appreciated. "May horse manure rain on your roses"