Need Help Changing my SHY friend into a confident one!..

@bayboy (989)
United States
December 14, 2006 1:03am CST
I have been trying to help my friend out she's very shy... she's very quiet when were outside and have problems expressing or telling her life to other people.. She's a very caring and sweet girl that will make you smile when you get to know her... im having problems changing her to be more confident.. she's very open when both of us are talking on the phone.. but whenever we go outside shes pretty quiet and pretty serious.. its getting annoying!.. she also feels that shes a burden to everyone... that nobody really likes her and shes all depressed and all... one thing about her too is she got a few friends and she isnt very assertive.. they step on her like a doormat.... They violate her life.. take her things without asking and shes too shy to tell them that she gets annoyed because she feels that her friends will get mad.... help mylot people! im really trying to change her... shes a true friend, a really caring one... shes someone i want to introduce to my other friends.. but i cant introduce her like this... any ideas y'all? what makes a shy person out her shell? and how do you make people assertive?
3 people like this
25 responses
• Philippines
14 Dec 06
Surrounding yourself with positive people who value you can help to remind you of your self worth. Talking with people you respect and trust - such as family, friends and colleagues - can be a good way of reminding yourself about your positive points and past accomplishments. Doing something you are interested in such as sport, music, writing etc can make you feel good because not only are taking your mind off feeling bad, but you are also accomplishing something. Of course if you cannot think of a particular hobby or activity you are interested in, then you could try something totally new. Keeping busy with an activity can help remind you of your strengths or passions, while discovering something you are good at is great for building confidence. Participating in an activity with others can also be a great way of meeting like-minded people.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 Dec 06
i had a friend like that before.. he used to be a shy but after being with me for quite some time, he became talkative, confident and outgoing simply because he felt that he is accepted by our group with my motivation of course =)
@isha900 (1459)
• India
15 Dec 06
it can be rihgt answer
@isha900 (1459)
• India
15 Dec 06
sorry i cant soggest u bcoz i have also shy friend if u find out the answer so pls help me
@Poison_Girl (4163)
• United States
15 Dec 06
Do I know you? I swear you were talking about me. LOL Sadly, it's pretty hard to change someone who's like this. Someone else suggested maybe taking her out and participating in activities that she excels at. I think that's a great idea. It might help her to gain more confidence and come out of her shell a little bit. Good luck!
@innechen (1321)
• Indonesia
15 Dec 06
i have a friend like that too.but now she is more confident with herselves and open.took years to finally convince her.well what i did is by being a very good friend to her, talk to her oftenly and softly that if she want to have a lots of friends she got to open her self try to talk a little by little,you can start to show her that you do care about her and you have to be ooen and show her that she can trust u and rely on u,slowly she'll open with you and then to others.because my friend 1st didnt like me at all but i keep being nice and attention to her, and also there are many misunderstanding before but still i nice to her and explain why i do this and that to her.now we even are a best friend:) hope you'll succed in convince her
@coolcager (496)
• Costa Rica
15 Dec 06
that is very hard for a girl to change if she is very shy. the only thing that can change her is that you got out with someone or somebody who is very energetic and funny that can talk to her. and slowly she can talk to someone. and one by one introduce her to some of your friends. and that kind of girl is great shy type heheheheh.
@supershik (298)
• United States
15 Dec 06
She might have a problem with self image maybe she needs a hair cut, maybe she just needs a spa day that usually will help also they have assertiveness classes that she can sign up for it can really help a person get her self help books or you can read them and tell her what to do you're a great friend for doing this.
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
15 Dec 06
You can not change her. She has to be willing to change herself. I know because I was the shy one too. Invite her to go along with you and a couple of other people to something where you can interact. Even something like a movie and then go to a coffee house afterward and discuss the movie. Eventually she will start felling more comfortable and start interacting. But give it lots of time.
@ThulsZ (784)
• India
15 Dec 06
friends be on any variety - you cant even imagine this kind of attitude only my friend is having.even this also may happen
hey friend it's all human nature of some specific people and not a problem of your she friend alone....
• United States
15 Dec 06
Give her a makeover and give her etiquette lessons, that should do the trick.
• Philippines
15 Dec 06
there's nothing wrong being shy.what bothered me was the fact that she allowed her so-called friends to dominate her.i think it wld b best if u try to xpose her to extrovert people.if u'll juz introduce her to nice ones,she'll never improve.but dont push her too much.it takes a long long time to change from introvert to extrovert and she may never change at all.try to know her more.during my elementary days,i was also an introvert bec of skin allergies am ashamed w/ it cld also be a family thing that she's ashamed of that sometimes lead to shyness.and more importantly,it's bec of her upbringing.u may have a behaviour that's unacceptable also.r u willing to change that?it's not easy to change a person's behaviour.sometimes u can but sometimes u cant and juz learn to accept it =)
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
14 Dec 06
friends - it's nice to have friends around to support you and love you.
i once had been a shy person too. like i don't wanna meet people much. andi have problems expressing my feelings. i always try to hold back my emotions and not let everyone know about it. i was just lucky to find this gay friend of mine in highschool. he helped me boost my self confidence and helped me bring out the best in me. he taught me how to carry myself well, taught me how to dress well and even taught me how to walk on stage like models do. i then had a short career in modelling which is really good for me. i started building up my confidence since then. i can now express my feelings witout hurting other people. i can be myself and i am happier. your friend is lucky. she has you to be on her side. and she needs you more than you'll ever know. try to be always there for her. talk to her and tell her things that could help her more. make her feel comfortable in opening up on you. soon, she'll open up to the world.
• Australia
14 Dec 06
I think thats a terrible thing to try to consider. I am a shy person myself & i would be so hurt & offended if someone tried to do this to me. Being shy is what makes me me, if i wasn't shy it just wouldn't be me. Maybe bring one or two people over to hers or yor at a time, not a big crowd. I feel much more comfortable in a situation like this & wont be "scared to talk" give it a try & good luck.
@JashleyB (1441)
• United States
14 Dec 06
I am a shy person and actually, the girl you just described sounds a lot, if not exactly like me... I don't see anything wrong wth being shy but I do see how the "friends" thing is bad. I've had friends do that to me many times and I have started to be better about that. I'd just say maybe have a talk with her and tell her that she doesn't need t surrond herself with people who will run over her. There are people out there who will be real friends and she will not have to worry about it. Making her think you want to change her is not going to help. Some people made me feel that way a few times and all it did was make me feel like it was my fault. I believe it's part of your personality. You just have to teach yoursef to be around the right people and stand up for yoursef when necessary.
@pinklilly (3446)
• Australia
14 Dec 06
It's hard to change somebody and I guess you don't really want to change her as she seems a nice person just help her become a better one... Talk to her and show her how to be confident let her get to know your other friends slowly. She sounds as though she may have some trust issues and her nice nature is what makes her get walked all over she needs to show some control help her by being a good friend and telling her that... Be there for her and show her what is happening to her, she may wake up one day and realize.. She may not feel comfortable around others that she may feel judging her.. Maybe take her out somewhere just the two of you or with who she feels comfortable with and have a real good time and help her to open up Have fun show her not to be afraid of what others think and she may loosen up..
• United States
14 Dec 06
There is not really much to it. I mean just help her out. Compliment her alot. You got to make her feel comfortable so they can feel confident.
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Well, you should never try to change anyone. People are who they are. However, you should express your concerns to her so she understands. Maybe she doesn't realize that her being shy is holding her back in life. Then, if she won't go to the "party", bring the "party" to her. If you call and say you were wanting to come by and see her and she says yes. Then go on over with a friend or something. When you get there, just say that you have someone along and you hope she don't mind. My husband had to do this with me. I was so shy and wouldn't talk to anyone. Then he started bringing people to me, and eventually I had no choice. Now I talk to everyone. I'm more social then he is! hehe
@mbs730 (2152)
• Canada
14 Dec 06
If someone is naturally shy it will be hard to get them out of that shell!! Either you have confidence or you don't. But keep being positive around her, keep building her up and hopefully one day soon she'll get stronger.
@gnt23tr (1015)
• United States
14 Dec 06
just keep trying //
@fadzy1314 (174)
• Pakistan
14 Dec 06
the point is ke make that person feel ke he is something....he has some worth...he has some respect...then he'lll ealize ke yes i have ma identity then he'll feel confident....