When to let friends go....
December 22, 2006 7:37pm CST
While I understand this is a decision I must make, I would still like to hear others opinions. This may take a while. I have a freind I have known since I was 12. In my eyes we are not that close really, but she claims me as her best freind. I say we are not, because I feel that she would not do the things that I would do for her. I used to be a financial advisor and a collections manager and try my best to help her to get her finances on track. She makes double the money I make, yet she can never pay her bills, and dont have half the bills I have and I'm a homeowner and she lives on Sec 8. Every time I turn around she calling me to ask me what the next bill company will do if she don't pay them. I call her the payday loan queen. You can figure that one out. On top of all this, I think she is a bad mother. And I tell her this to her face. She has one lil girl who's 7. The girl has never had a stable school, which would explain why she can't read. She stays sick, because she thinks its more important to look cute when its 15 degrees outside, than to be protected from the elements. On top of this, she just recently got a foster child, for the money of course. Now that she has the child she realises that the money they pay her to take care of the child is not enough. So she wanted to have a baby shower 2 weeks before chirstmas, because she didnt have everything the baby needed. Only weeks after taking on the foster child, she decided to take on a 2nd fulltime job becuase she bought a brand new car she can't afford. Her cousin was babysitting while she was working this job, but decided she didnt want to be up all night with a 2 month old baby. So being a good friend, I decided to do it for her. I really went out on a limb with this one. I'm a work at home mom, so I'm very fliexible. I had to pick her daughter up from school and then the baby from the daycare and get them back to my house. Feed them, change them, and so forth. It was like being in her shoes. No one had anything nice to say about my friend. And at this point I dont either. I have notced that she is not bathing the baby properly, or dressing him properly for the weather. I told her daughter to be sure that she has a hat on when she leave her house. My freind went off on me saying if she didnt want to wear a hat she didnt have to, she has a hood. Yet it was only 10degrees outside. I just said ok, but when your kids get sick, you'll have to find someone else to watch them. After having a weekend with no kids, when they come back to me, they are sick. You would think she would have told me so. The baby was so sick, he sounded like he was beating drums when he was breathing. I told when she picked them up that night to take the baby to the doctor first thing in the morning. She told me all the doctor would do is put saline up his nose. I urged her to take the baby to the doctor, he is only 2 months old. She didnt do it. The next day, out of sorrow, I pick the kids ups, the sitter tells me the baby only had one bottle all day long. Before the night is out, the baby begins to breath really fast. I call my freind and tell her she needs to get this baby to a hospital. She then asked me to do, because she dont want to leave work. I told her no, I felt that was her job to do. Then she was like, she didnt want to lose her job. Now this is a 2nd job mind you. I told her no job is more important than a childs health. After taking the baby to the hospital, they admitted him. Said he had pnemonia(however you spell it), and they were giving him breathing treatments. Now that the baby is being released, she called and asked if I could come to her house the babysit, so she can keep this 2nd job still, like I don't have a family of my own and a job of my own. I told her I would not do it. At this point I really feel as if she is taking advantage of me, and neglecting her children. Both of them are sick and all she can think about is a 2nd job. Her attitude about the whole situation really sucks, and quite frankly she has worn me out. These are just the most recent events, there has been others that has rattled me. I really feel that this freindship is going no where. I am her only friend but yet feel that being her friend has become more of a burden.
5 people like this
24 Dec 06
i think you are to blame as much as your friend. friends are there to help friends improve.. grow up.. make them realize whats right and wrong. and at times.. you have to be strict and say no to all her demands so she knows what she is asking for is wrong and even u r not supporting it.
• United States
25 Dec 06
I have done all that I can to help her improve on her life. I have advised her on how to improve her credit and her full financial situation. But you cant talk to a shopoholic and think that they will listen to issues like this. You can only talk to a brick wall for so long. As far as putting my foot down, she actually had the nerve to ask me to come to her house to watch the baby once he is released from the hospital, because he can't go outdoors for 3 weeks.
• Davao, Philippines
23 Dec 06
i understand what you feel and undergone went as being a friend..and i congratulate you for that..however i think its not good to let her/him go as a friend..coz she needs you..and what are friends are for...being a friend in a true sense of the word is hard to find with and shes lucky for having you..but on your part you think its too much??just limit i think your exposure to her as a friend if your tired already of her..but helping another is a great and it makes you feel good on it havent you??
• United States
23 Dec 06
It appears to me that this person is very selfish.I feel that she is not one that should have children.I feel that she is not really your friend,that she is just using you.It seems that you are the mother to these poor children.with friends like her,who needs enemies? If I were you I would cut my loses.maybe if she does not have you to use up.she will be forced to be a mother to her children.
23 Dec 06
poor kids! its not right to take for granted the health of her kids. you're right nothing is more important than the health of your children. i cant understand why she left her children to other people for her 2nd job? is she a materialistic person? the car and money is more important than her own children? jobs, house, cars, if all these things loose you can still find another, you can still replace those things but not the lives of her children.
• United States
1 Aug 07
Man this lady is no ones friend, she doesnt even know what the word means lol. I feel so sorry for the kids they deserve better than that, she is just using them as well as everyone else to get what she wants. Did i understand that she works for the cps? that figures, sorry but cps sucks, they destroyed my life over something i didnt do and they let people like this have kids. man if i were you i would tell her to get lost and do whatever i could to get those kids in a better home.
23 Dec 06
i pity the poor kids and its a matter of child abuse and you shud do somethin to get her on the right track cos its really gettin worse and i think it will definetly get worse so take a hard step and do what ur heart says and i don't think anything shud stop u from doin this its a favour to mankind.
23 Dec 06
Darn! How can a mother be so cold towards her own children and leave her in foster care for the others to see? She is totally responsible well siriously if you think the friendship is going nowhere its better to Quit it I mean you will have this thing in your mind throbbing you like a thorn that Your friendship is a burden so its better to Quit than to go on guilt trips!
• United Kingdom
23 Dec 06
First of all I think the Foster Child should be taken of her she has no responsibility what so ever here Also yes she is taking advantage of you and I really do think you need to tell her that no more You are making yourself Ill for your so called Friend and she is using you I suggest she starts living to her Standards instead of above them I am suprised that she even got a Foster Child with working full time Also I don't believe her Daughter is save with her either as she is not looking after her properly at all But please take action before you are that worn out and Ill I really hope you will make the right Choice here
• Marion, Kansas
23 Dec 06
I have two concerns, the kids. She has no more business being a foster parent than --well--anything. It also does not sound like her own child gets appropriate care. Turn her in about the foster baby being neglected, document statements from the baby sitter that the child had only one bottle, etc. This is why the foster care system gets a bad rap. She can be pretty stupid with her biological child, though, and still not lose custody. To quote my daughter, when she was just a teen, "Mom,(or in this case Badmamma) she has never been a friend, she is just using you. " when I was in a likewise situation. You are being a friend to her, aat the expense of your own sanity and well being. Quit it!
23 Dec 06
its totally depends on u . if she is dependent on u and she donot think so ,i;e she is burden on that means she think u r very good frnd of herl, . u should talk to her and make her understand her mistake. this is a duty of a frnd. remember frnd in need is a frnd in deed.