domestic abuse!!! come on,lets all of us raise our voice against this!!

@nishanity (1652)
India
December 25, 2006 8:22pm CST
Week 1 We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day. Week 2 Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry cause he sent me flowers today. Week 3 I got flowers today, and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today. Week 4 I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today... If you are against domestic abuse, do post ur ideas here!!i have had a dear pal whom i lost to domestic abuse! this discussion is dedicated to her!!!
3 people like this
37 responses
@OddJaw (4)
• United States
26 Dec 06
sigh. i guess the concept is sort of like that saying, how does it go? "catch a fish for a man, he eats for a day. teach the man to fish, he eats for a lifetime." something like that. i understand there are relationships where it may appear as if it is going to be very difficult for one of the two to "stand up" to the other, but that is just an illusion. if the "one of the two" is intelligent and does it right, then these kinds of situations can be avoided or remedied. trying to figure out why men do these to their wives might seem like the correct thing to ponder, but the solution lies within why the wives let these things happen to them by the men. in that poem, if that mother (i am assuming the person is a female) is the only one that can take care of her children, then in order to be able to take care of her children, she needs to take care of herself in order to be able to take care of the children. this logic implies her staying with the husband is equivalent to her not taking care of her children. she needs to be safe and, well, alive to be able to do what she wants to. i guess some people need to learn the unfortunate reality that most people treat you in a manner that is most advantageous to them if you let them. you have to teach them how to treat you (thank you to dr. phil). sorry to hear about your pal tho.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Dec 06
I'm not sure if you have ever been in an abusive relationship, although it seems as though you haven't. In being physically abused the woman has been emotionally and psychologically abused first. Woman who are abused have usually lost themselves and their self worth to their abuser. They in fact believe that they are protecting their children by staying with the abuser because if they were to leave it would be much worse. In many cases the woman will deflect the abuse from the children to herself as to protect her children. Many times the man may be powerfull and threaten to take the children from her if she's leaves...threaten to kill her if she leaves, and even threaten to hurt her children if she leaves. After several years of constant psychological abuse the woman is not conditioned to believe that she and her children have the best chance for survival by staying with this man and keeping him happy because as she has been told it is HER fault he beats her...if she didn't make him so mad he wouldn't HAVE to do this!!!! The best thing that can be done for women in this situation is to educate them on the services available to them, help them devise a safety plan, and tell them what they are feeling is natural because they have very little self esteem and self worth...we don't want to put them down any further by telling them they are stupid for staying...we need to help them to see they deserve much better and actualize their potential. Don't alienate your freinds but be there to support them when they need it, allow them to confide in you because that is the first step in gaining freedom from the abuser (many women never tell they are being abused because they are so afraid).
@nishanity (1652)
• India
26 Dec 06
hey nice explanation... it so true!!!
• India
31 Dec 06
wat exactly defines domestic abuse? just physical? or is emotional trauma also included?
@stailgate (2364)
• United States
18 Jan 07
I am so sorry to hear this. I wish that stories like this were just that, only stories. But they are not. I wish no women had to go threw this. I know that domestic abuse is widely talked about, but I think that it should be more open and spread out and shouted to the world, that this has to stop!!
1 person likes this
@nishanity (1652)
• India
18 Jan 07
but not many victims are ready to admit that they were abused!!
@craftwave (1339)
• United States
26 Dec 06
My husband is a preacher and he has to deal with this issue too many times. A parishner ended up with their granddaughter whose mother was killed by her boyfriend. Thank God the little girl was with the grandparents when that happened. A couple of my sisters have been domestically abused but they had the good sense to get out of the relationships.
1 person likes this
@nishanity (1652)
• India
26 Dec 06
ya they are sensible!!! we must all unite to fight this evil!! thanx for replying!
1 person likes this
@malsun (1528)
• United States
26 Dec 06
i am sorry for your friend. It is so prevalent in households and is on the increase. i feel like many of the members here that it is the one being abused who has to stand up for herself. it is difficult but inevitable.
@nishanity (1652)
• India
28 Dec 06
ya thanx for being so understanding!! even i think the victim has to stand for herself
@Stijn1234 (266)
• Belgium
26 Dec 06
It's a sad sad thing really. Most people are scared to report the abuse to anyone with terrible consequences of course :-( Sorry about your friend!! xxxx
1 person likes this
• India
26 Dec 06
well personally speaking, m aginst the use of abusive language. but i think it all depends on circumstances and the company u are in. if every one in your group uses such language and its okay wid everyone then i think therez nuthing wrong in it. But yes when u use such language, u shud kno what u r speaking, where u r speaking and to whom u r speaking. beacause a slip of toungue may prove to be dangerous. thats y wise men say "sticks and stones break bones but words often break relationships
1 person likes this
@armywifey (883)
• United States
27 Dec 06
I was the victim of domestic abuse my my ex husband, and I know for a fact that it is a very hard thing to get away from. He would alwasy manipulate me into staying by saying things that I wanted to believe. You also get scared to leave because of your options after you leave. There aren't enough abuse shelters or assistance for domestic abuse victims. Just know that there is always a way out. I finally got out and have never been happier.
• United States
26 Dec 06
I am sorry to hear about your friend, I stay with my father and he abused my step mother and my birth mother helped her get out of the marriage by help her get out before it was too late.
1 person likes this
@fabrietto (487)
• Italy
26 Dec 06
The image that you have upload is very sweet. However i think that the domestic's abuse is a terrific thing, only monsters can do that.
1 person likes this
@lulylove (1561)
• Brazil
26 Dec 06
i am sorry about this too.... i dont understand y men keep doing this to their wives like this!!
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Dec 06
Domestic abuse is one of the things I despise most. I dont think a man should ever put his hands on a woman, and especially when the man claims he loves the woman. It is disgusting and the man in my opinion are the weakest kind of people walking the earth.
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
26 Dec 06
I am sorry about your friend and I have to say it could have easily been me. I was in an abusive relation for 4 years and luckily I got out before he killed me. I do understand the poem, because it do explain some of the ffeelings you go through while beeing abused =(
1 person likes this
• Ireland
26 Dec 06
it is very sad... i dont agree with this kind of behaviour. i grow up in a family where it was violence. but my mom had the curage to leave my dad. that should do every woman. a solution is for every problem. you just have to look for it.
1 person likes this
@MissGia (955)
• United States
26 Dec 06
Very sorry about your friend, but she has to reach out to someone who will help her, she needs to get out now..no amount of flowres will make up for what he is doing to her and what could happen to her. She should leave him and put a restraining order against him..does your friend have a relative they could go stay with? and last but not least how long have these two been together?
• Romania
26 Dec 06
i'm verry sorry for your freind.this kaind of man must be punishverry hurd becouse they are without any respect.They disurve the worst.
1 person likes this
@mikaghi (389)
• United States
26 Dec 06
domestic abuse needs to addressed with seriousness and urgency it deserves. women have a habit of waiting until its too late or they stay in relationship hoping that things will change. i am a volunteer for a domestic voilence shelter, and trust me if a man beats u up or hits u, u cannot change him. the only person u can change is urself. u have to make ur own decisions. i hope that the society will change its attitude towards domestic voilence as a "minor issue".
1 person likes this
• India
26 Dec 06
There are many ways you can help raise awareness about domestic violence or partner abuse. You can let women know you care about them and will support them. * * Put a bumper sticker on your car to tell the world domestic violence is not OK. * Wear T-shirts expressing your opposition to partner abuse. * Take domestic violence seriously at all times and demand that your friends and coworkers do the same. * If you hear a joke about violence against women, or one that makes fun of women or puts them down, take a stand. Tell the person that it isn't funny and turn away. Body language can also communicate to people that you disapprove. Doing this sends a powerful message that the person should be ashamed for treating domestic violence or any abuse as a laughing matter. * Hold abusers accountable for their abusive behaviors. Abuse is not to be tolerated. * Ask men to speak out against domestic violence. Teachers, barbers, businesspersons, religious leaders, farmers, construction workers and others can use their positions to reach out to other men and let them know that domestic violence is wrong. * Sponsor a community activity or event to raise money to support educational efforts against domestic violence. * Ask a mental health worker, religious leader, or family life educator to make domestic violence the subject of a presentation or class. * Make a personal commitment to talk about domestic violence, whether with friends, family, coworkers, or someone you suspect is either abused or a perpetrator. * If you are a survivor of abuse, volunteer to be available in your religious institution or community to talk with women currently facing abuse in their intimate lives. * Make sure that places in your community where women may spend time, such as gyms, grocery stores, libraries, businesses, religious institutions, and workplaces, have information about domestic violence and where to go for help. * Make sure you know where help can be found for women with abusive partners. * Put up posters condemning domestic violence. * Ask health care providers to include questions about abuse on all intake forms and medical history questionnaires. Ask them to ask patients if there is violence or abuse in their lives or if they've been hurt or threatened by their partner. * Make domestic violence a workplace issue by letting others know there's no excuse for abuse. Post posters, distribute fliers and look for symptoms of domestic violence in coworkers. If you were abused by someone you loved, consider speaking out about how abuse impacted your life. * Donate money to organizations and shelters which support abused women. * Have a fund-raiser and send checks to the local domestic violence shelter. * Help improve media coverage. When a story appears about domestic violence in your local media you can make a difference by writing or calling to let them know how much you appreciated coverage of the program or article. Positive feedback makes it much more likely that similar stories will be produced in the future. Ask your local media to run public service announcements about domestic violence or partner abuse to help raise awareness. You can pledge to take action against domestic abuse or violence. You can choose how you'll get involved. There are no easy answers and no easy solutions to prevent partner abuse but by becoming more knowledgeable about domestic violence you can help to improve the quality of life for many women, men and families. One person can make a significant difference. You can make a difference.
1 person likes this
@kezotang (70)
• Malaysia
26 Dec 06
I am so sorry to hear that from your friend. I am sure you and your friend can do something about that. look at that guy! he is a pure abuser and I dont think there is any reason not to leave him! The flowers were nothing, don't ever think that because he sent her the flower because he felt sorry for what he have done. I suggest your friend to start planning her life ahead by getting a new apartment for rent or she could move in to your house temporary. Get a new job in other state or wherever. best to have a police contact ready if that guy ever come close to her again
1 person likes this
• India
26 Dec 06
but wait before doing this checks that hows this actually getting people in affects .
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
26 Dec 06
I had a friend that was abused and I was close to her almost every day for a year she would spend the nights with me he drank too much and we talked all night this went on for several years the talking all night and I neveer knew he abused her untill she couldnt take it any more and she killed him. was in self defence not Jail time for her yeah!
1 person likes this
• India
26 Dec 06
Recently Indian parliament has passed a bill in which rigrous punishments are provided for various types of domestic violence. Other countries should also pass such bills. This is just the legal part but people guilty of domestic violence should also be socially condemned. Females are equally important constituent of society and violence against them should be dealt with high handedness.