Forgiveness

United States
December 27, 2006 7:38pm CST
I do not see a connection between the person who is sorry and the person who forgives them. It seems to me that if a person is genuinely sorry for what they have done, this is a matter for their own karma and purification. Only they can apply the powers of regret, refuge, repair and resolve, to affect their future motivation and behavior. Without truly being sorry they cannot do this. Whether the other person who sees themselves as being hurt by this act, forgives them or not, does not affect the situation of the one who is sorry. For the one who feels hurt, if they are able to forgive truly, then they will cease to carry around this thought that someone has hurt them and should do something about it. If they do not forgive, they carry their own anger and the one who suffers most from this is they themselves. Whether the first person is sorry or not makes no difference to any of this. And for both the participants, all they can really do is correct their own thinking to be in accordance with truth and peace. To suggest that they carry a requirement to influence someone else's behavior (they should forgive me / they should be sorry) is hopeless! What do you think?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@caribe (2465)
• United States
28 Dec 06
This is true although it is always nice to hear an apology from the offender. It is ultimately up to the individual and how they think about it as whether they forgive and quit carrying around this burden. Also the offender likewise has to change his own thinking as well.
• United States
29 Dec 06
I do agree with what you have said, but I see it a bit differently, as well. When you have been hurt by another person, it is wise to forgive them. This is something that you can do in your heart...in yourself, and does not require the participation of another person. If the person who hurt you approaches you about the issue, it would be right to forgive them. But, if that person never feels that they are wrong...never feels badly for what they did, you don't want to live your life with hurt and a grudge. Forgive them, whether or not they know it. However, if you have hurt someone, an apology does require the participation of the other. You can say that you are sorry into the air, and you will never be forgiven. You can feel all of the remorse you want, but if you don't apologize to the one you hurt, you will not be forgiven. You must realize, though that when you apologize, the response may not be what you had hoped or wished for. Even if the person forgives you, they may feel differently toward you, and that may or may not ever change. As far as demanding an apology or demanding that another person act a certain way, this cannot be done. An apology that is forced is not an apology. We cannot control others, but simply do what we know is right for ourselves.
@Melizzy (1381)
• United States
29 Dec 06
I think you are correct. You have to seek forgiveness for you , not the other person. You must do what you must to clear your mind and conscience. The forgiveness you seek may or may not come, but you must make the effort for you, not them.
• United States
28 Dec 06
no matter how you say it, it is still best if you say sorry when you did something wrong. i believe that person has the right to demand that from your if you have offended him or her.
@sunsham68 (1378)
• India
28 Dec 06
Wow. I was just looking for advice on forgiveness. That is so profound and such a great concept. I have copied your discussion to ponder and reflect on later. Great one. I agree with you, except that sometimes I think by forgiving too soon, we indirectly encourage the other person to commit that mistake again and then we have to feel the burden/ forgive again. How do we get them to learn not to do that again, though we will forgive them. This has happened to me and I am at a loss about how to deal with it!