Ayatoldyah Khomengetsom denies Islamic involvement in Katrina!

@andygogo (1580)
China
January 1, 2007 10:15pm CST
CC-Bao Exclusive...two related reports. Dateline - A cave somewhere in Saudi Arabia. Today, Ayatoldyah Khomengetson vehemently denied suggestions that the hurricane named "Katrina" was a terrorist attack planned and arranged by Islamic extremists in Saudi Arabia. Refuting allegations to the contrary, the Ayatoldyah bypassed the situation by trying to deny that his followers had any weapons of misty downpours (WMD). In an obvious reference to another September day not long ago, the Ayatoldyah said "We have calendars! If we had intended to strike on the same day we wouldn't have made the mistake of doing it early!" Although connection had been made by reporters between the Ayatoldyah and leading figures in the Saudi oil industry, the Ayatoldyah sidestepped the issue by saying "Allah has given us oil so we can make money and the more money we make the better it is for us. But our hurricane machines are only for power generation and we have no intent to develop weapons with them." When asked about allegations that his followers had recently been photographed buying salt that could be used to seed rain clouds, the Ayatoldyah said the allegations were "not worthy of comment." In a prepared statement, the Ayatoldyah said "It is not true that we are now celebrating the victory or our god over the god of the infidels! We do not need a special day to celebrate." Related Report... Dateline - Washington In a follow-up press conference, the US-backed and funded UN organization - the International Hurricane Inspection Committee (IHIC) - said they had been denied permission to inspect Saudi hurricane machines for violations of UN regulations on weapons capable of packing strong winds. D. Rumsfeld - on a Washington suburb fact-finding mission, stated that there was absolute proof that not only Hurricane Katrina but many hurricanes could be traced to being part of the Islamic extremist plot to damage the reputation of the American government. He further stated "Our intelligence experts have pinpointed the exact location of the beginning of Katrina - and we have proof!" Noting the beginning of Katrina in the Atlantic Ocean, D. Rumsfeld said "We know for a fact that the followers of the Ayatoldyah know where the Atlantic Ocean is." D. Cheney, on the phone from an undisclosed location, was outraged at the attack made by Ayatoldyah Khomengetsom when the Ayatoldyah said "It is easy to see that Katrina was designed to make money for Halliburton!" - This an obvious reference to Halliburton being granted the un-tendered contract for "clean-up" of the hurricane ravaged sections of the Gulf Coast. "Halliburton is a fine company and experienced in the graft...I mean the craft of clean up after hurricanes. They are the right company to do the task and the 10 billion dollars promised for the area by the President has already been deposited in my...I mean their account!" said Cheney; between hits off his "oxygen" tank. When asked if Homeland Security would be issuing any color warnings, an unknown African-American staffer said "We will probably go for a light beige at this time, but if the documents showing that there were several followers of Islam that had left New Orleans in the days leading up to Katrina proved to be accurate, there is the likelihood that would change to at least a puce." Reports of lootings and armed gangs in New Orleans were dismissed by C. Rice at the press briefing as being "insurgents out to cause chaos of our news briefings." C. Rice further stated "The insurgents will not defeat our gifting of millions of barrels of oil to the important companies in Washington and California. People in Boise, Idaho need to know that they will be able to drive down to their local 7-11 to buy lottery tickets." When told that the ravaged areas were far away from Boise, Idaho, and that the refugees either did not have cars or could not use their cars when they were under 10 feet of water, C. Rice opined "This is a national problem and the people of Boise are part of our nation and deserve our concerted efforts to help them." Answering a question about the Hyatt Regency Hotel guests being allowed to cut in front of refugees that had been holed up in hellish conditions for days, C. Rice responded "This is not a race issue! The President did not send me here just to show that the government has a black-face available to put cans of soup in a couple of boxes." When it was pointed out to C. Rice that she had not answered the reporters question, she replied "We are now able to examine what areas we need to work on." Still not having answered the question about the Hyatt "white" guests being given preferrential treatment over the thousands of African-American refugees, C. Rice stormed out of the press briefing saying "The Hyatt was hit hard by Katrina! Room service was suspended for nearly 4 hours and all of the windows in one section of the hotel were dirty! These people suffered horribly when the cable went out and they deserve to be treated with respect!" The press briefing was closed by another heretofore never seen African-American staffer who read from a prepared document "The hour the President spent in one small part of the ravaged area (now being reported to be as large as the UK - ed.) was enough to give him a good idea of the suffering of so many oil companies. No efforts will be spared to ensure that the oil business will get back on it's feet as soon as possible." The final part of the press briefing was a recorded message from the President, "The terrorismists has not better not misunderestimate the revolve of the American people. They will pull through."
1 response
@MrNiceGuy (4148)
• United States
4 Feb 07
I just wanted to point out that this isn't a real news article, its fake, a satire.