Some advice please

@missytia (387)
Australia
January 2, 2007 3:36pm CST
I'm from Australia. I'm a single mother with a 6y0 daughter. I currently have court orders in place for my daughter to have access visits with her dad. The relationship that I have with her dad is not amicable at all but I have never stopped my daughter seeing her father. Anyway, just before xmas he asked if he could go on an overseas holiday with her in the school holidays. I only agreed to this if I received a full itinerary of his holiday so that I would know where my daughter was. He provided me with an itinerary and told me that he has arranged it so that his mobile phone had international roaming and I would be able to contact him at any time. Anyway, I've tried to send my daughter a couple of messages and tried to ring on the mobile, but he constantly has it switched off. I also called the place he was meant to be staying at in Holland and he has no reservation at all there. He has given me a fake itinerary (obviously) so that I would let him take my daughter overseas on holidays and now I have absolutely no idea where my daughter is! What should I do?? He's not due back until 10th Jan.
6 people like this
69 responses
@tigrashadow (1086)
• Australia
2 Jan 07
unfortunately hon you may have to wait till he gets home...otherwise maybe call legal aid or something to see if they know a course of action you can take...they have more ability to help and the resources and knowledge to provide good advice or they may also say wait till they due home.... im assuming your ex is an australian citizen so cant overstay his visa anyway without getting in trouble i wish you good luck and a good outcome...
1 person likes this
@missytia (387)
• Australia
2 Jan 07
thank you for your suggestions. I currently do have a solicitor as he's had me in and out of court for the past 3 yrs so it's cost a lot of money. But I feel there is nothing I can do, as orders state that his access finishes on 10th Jan, and as long as she's back by then, there is nothing to do :(
1 person likes this
• Australia
2 Jan 07
my friend had the same concerns when she let her son go with his dad to bali..but at least he didnt bullsh*t bout where he took him even though hes a lowlife... i thought u might have to wait and see..then they can take action...try to keep positive even with so many negatives against u...
1 person likes this
@swolecat (1278)
• United States
3 Jan 07
how you know
@apostrofy (661)
• Romania
2 Jan 07
report it to the police. u've agreed to let u'r daughter with him under some conditions wich have been completly broken. if she is in u'r custody then i think u can report him for kidnaping. i'm not very sure how the laws are in australia, but police station is definetly the place to go and find out what u can do next. they can help u and can give u advices. don't wait until when he is supposed to be back with u'r daughter. he broke the rules and gave false information. even if he has rights to visit his daughter he still needs u'r agreement to take her out of the country (or at least this is what i know).
1 person likes this
@missytia (387)
• Australia
2 Jan 07
If there are court orders in place, unfortunately the police won't do anything until after 10th Jan.
• Romania
2 Jan 07
the court orders allow him to visit her or also to take her overseas? coz in my country i know for a fact that the father of the child needs written permission from the mother to take the child out of the country. anyway if only in 10 u can see the result of this trip than keep praying everything is ok and that this could just be a big missunderstanding. blesses to u and u'r daughter.
1 person likes this
@missytia (387)
• Australia
2 Jan 07
Yes, here in Australia, permission needs to be granted by the other parent for overseas travel. Our court orders also don't say anything about international travel. It just worries me that I have given permission but from false information.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jan 07
Unless he's done something illegal in regards to Aussie laws, nothing you can do. He has as much right to your daughter as you do. Would you think he deserves to know every minute of your trip if YOU were taking your daughter somewhere? Without evidence of wrongdoing, you have no right in stopping anything. Additionally, regardless of your relationship with him, your daughter's relationship with her father is more important than your relationship status with him. Of course, it's better when both parents can get along and present a united front for the children, but we all know that's a rarity in these times. Unless you're willing to start a court case, I'd suggest biting your tongue. If it were me as the male in this situation, and under American laws of visitation, I would have at least given you authentic info, but would not allow you to spoil my vacation. Remember, he didn't take "your daughter" he took "the daughter of the both of you".
@missytia (387)
• Australia
3 Jan 07
He was under the impression also that I wanted to know every detail of his trip. I explained the term itinerary to him and also I actually didn't give a crap about what he was doing, but I needed to be able to contact 'our' daughter in case something happened. After this, he then agreed and gave me the false itinerary. And I totally agree with you that her relationship with him is more important than my relationship with him. That's why I was being agreeable to the holiday. Thank you for a male's perspective on this.
• United States
3 Jan 07
I'm not Austrailian, so I don't really have any advice. However, I am a mom, so I can relate to how you must feel. I hope that you can get in contact with your daughter soon. I know you would feel a lot better if you could at least talk to her.
1 person likes this
@missytia (387)
• Australia
3 Jan 07
Thank you. that's all I really want....contact so that I know she's ok. I am not scared of him kidnapping her. Without the opportunity for any sort of contact a mother does worry!
@kyliepops (269)
• Australia
3 Jan 07
I know that this is EXTREMELY hard for you, and id be worried if you werent worried. All that you can do at this point in time is keep trying. I know that your not silly but keep a log book of when you called and the phone was off, does he have msg bank? leave messages. If off text him and keep noted down then you can go to Solicitor as this breaches your court orders. Either of you are supposed to be able to contact her at any time correct? Well this is one huge breach of that and one that your solicitor wont ignore! As for trying to get on with him, i think this has proved that he is only intent on trying to hurt you. Try be brave and stay strong. She will be safe, as much as he can be difficult, he would NEVER let anything happen to her!
1 person likes this
@missytia (387)
• Australia
3 Jan 07
thanx heaps. MWAH xx I'm stressin big time over this one. I am keeping a record of calls, txt etc.. and yes, he is in breach of orders for not being contactable and I have it in writing from him that he would be. When he's back, I'm gonna make sure sh*t hits the fan, legally!
1 person likes this
@kathy77 (7488)
• Australia
2 Jan 07
Hi I am from Australia as well, oh no I would not allow my children to go overseas with my children and I do not suggest that you allow this to happen., oh dear you did let your daughter go and now you are having big troubles, I think that you best contact the immigration and see what you can do this is dreadful I wish you luck in whatever way you have to go about dealing with this problem.
1 person likes this
@missytia (387)
• Australia
2 Jan 07
my initial thought was to not let her go, but I'm trying to be agreeable for my daughter's sake as she loves her dad. He won't harm her. I just hate being deceived.
@caramello (4381)
• Australia
3 Jan 07
As much as it is hard and I can understand your anxiety, the 10th is only a short time away. He has not kept up to his word and this should be noted to your solicitor, but I would not be very impressed with him on his return and he will probably expect it. This type of behaviour makes me so angry as his word in the future will leave you with mistrust. Having had similar experiences in the past. Good luck and try and keep busy until the day!
1 person likes this
@104090 (470)
• India
3 Jan 07
Let's hope positively. Please wait. Your baby will be with you soon. Intimate in this discussion about her arrival Till then we pray for you
1 person likes this
@Tanika (632)
• Australia
3 Jan 07
heya, this must be very scary for you. I would be upset also if the itenerary i was provided with was false. I suppose that as previous posters have suggested you will have to wait until the 10th to find out what is happening. Have you rang any of the other accomodation that they were meant to be staying at? I think if he is taking your child on an overseas holiday but not letting her contact you this is not a very good thing for a child. If as you mentioned in another post you are sure he would not harm her are you also sure he would not take her away from you? I do not want to scare you, just wondering? Anyway, I hope things turn out for the best and that she returns home on the 10th with some legitimate excuses. They are possible (problems with the phone carriers, problems with accomodation, family insisting that they stay with them). I would like to know how things turn out, Tanika.
1 person likes this
@paul8675 (750)
• Australia
2 Jan 07
Similar advice to the first person I read. If she is home with you on the 10th, let it go, but if she does not turn up after that, seek legal aid. In the mean time, try not to worry.
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
2 Jan 07
I think that no matter how hard it is you have to wait until the 10th of january before doing anything. after that if she is not back then it is time to contact the police and charge him with kidnapping. Also when he gets back, hae him explain what the H*ll he´s been and why he tricked you! Good luck!
1 person likes this
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
2 Jan 07
OMG what a worry, I feel for you, I guess you have to just hope at this point that he is doing the right thing...I hope so much that it is ok for you...
@mangrove (122)
• Australia
3 Jan 07
i reckon, by your activities on this site that ya using this topic as a head puller..shame,shame,shame
@missytia (387)
• Australia
3 Jan 07
I don't really know what you mean by this comment. ahh well.
1 person likes this
• Australia
3 Jan 07
lol activities on site, her profile says she is new, or did you not read that?? I love how people pass judgement but are so uninformed due to their own incompetence. Shame on you!
1 person likes this
• Australia
5 Jan 07
just because some people may make up stories to get responses....not all do and dont judge others ....i hope for your sake if you wrote something personal like that because you were upset or worried etc, that people will believe your post
2 people like this
@tigrashadow (1086)
• Australia
5 Jan 07
ive read most of the posts here and have been saddened and shocked at some of the opinions.... 1..she shouldnt have to get back together with her husband for the sake of their child...sometimes that is more detramental to the child as it is an unhappy family home as opposed to two happily separated partners.. 2 missytia is not irresponsible for letting her childs father take her out of the country..she is not too young to enjoy a trip with her father and meet his family (if that is infact what he is doing). someone i know took his son to england to meet his family and the son enjoyed the trip... 3. as much as i know shed love to call the police...i know they will probably say wait till the 10th... 4. i believe this to be a legitimate problem for missytia and not just a ratings booster as ive known people in similar situations who have been worried about their kids coming back.... there is of course no harm in talking to the solicitor to have things checked out as to what course of action could be taken....and definately contracts signed up for future to cover things like this that can be a stress
• Australia
8 Jan 07
Thank goodness there is someone else that seems level headed nad Normal! Unfortunatley i think that a lot of the commetsn regarding living together and best for child comments tend to be from different cuktures where the views are not that of ours here in Australia. It does sadden me that people can be so judgemental and really have no idea of the person opr their situation. I actually know missytia in real life and the daughter and i tell you (as you already are aware) this is in no way for a booster, she is sick with worry and trying to be brave! Im glad that you said these things also!!
@missytia (387)
• Australia
8 Jan 07
Hey guys, thank you so much for your support and understanding. The matter is now in the hands of the solicitor and I can now only wait until he is meant to be back and take it from there. I will however be having variations made to our current court orders so that this will never happen again.
• India
3 Jan 07
He does not have amicable relationship with you does not necessarily mean that he's a bad father. Please be calm till 10th jan. There is police and the court to help you out. Your daughter may not be with you, but at least he will take care of her, she's his child as well. Please don't panic and take advices here and there. 10 different people will give you ten different suggestions and you'll get even more confused. Just listen to your solicitor.
@missytia (387)
• Australia
3 Jan 07
Not once in this whole discussion have I ever said that he is a bad father. He has regular contact and my daughter loves him. I am just worried that I have no idea where they are or how to contact them if I need to and that scares the sh*t out of me.
@ssnaqvi (283)
3 Jan 07
this is not done you must not act like this
@missytia (387)
• Australia
3 Jan 07
what is not done? Justice? And who should not act like this? I don't understand your comment.
1 person likes this
@trinale (1480)
• United States
3 Jan 07
G'day Missy! Here in the states, well most of them anyway, the courts have a share parenting agreement that's usually attached to divorce decrees. Both parents are alloted certain times of the year with the child(ren) and anytime one parent is leaving the area for 24 hours or more, they are supposed to provide a written itenieary of where they will be traveling as well as a contact number. I know exactly how you're feeling now. During our divorce proceedings, my daughter's mother just left town for one week without any notice. She called me once to let me talk to my daughter, but would not tell me where they were. I was sick to my stomach thinking I wouldn't see my dauther again. As soon as she returned, I addressed that issue in court to make sure it doesn't happen again. She's the primary custodian and any other incidents of that nature would be cause for another custody hearing. You will have to ride this one out (I know it's harder for a mother) and the next time he wants to take your daughter anywhere, even if it's the Woomera outback to see the space museum, have him file a request through your court system providing them with all the details. Otherwise, he can forget about. Stay strong. Everything will be find and when you're daughter returns, just remember, that's what it's all about. I know you'll be angry, but keep the feelings for your daughter and her father separate for the good of the child.
@missytia (387)
• Australia
3 Jan 07
Thank you for your words. I try and do the right thing for my daughter, why can't he? This definitely won't be happening again. I will be seeking order put in place so neither of us (not that I would) can do this to her again.
@max1950 (2313)
• United States
2 Jan 07
i wouldn't wait around to see if he comes back on the 10th here in the u.s. after 48hrs its kidnapping, i'd go directly to the f.b.i. or whatever you have down under and file a complaint.immediatly!!!!!!i'm a male and if my wife who i great along great with did it and i couldn't find my child all hell would break loose.I don't mean to be mean but wake up.your in australia he's in europe come on.take him down
• United States
3 Jan 07
I agree. Why lie to you about what they are going to do. He has a reason for wanting to deceive you whether it is simply to make you upset or something else. Courts don't look kindly on parents that intentionally do mean things to the other parent. I would defenately file for full custody of your child so that this can never happen again.
5 Jan 07
Contact the police and have them contact interpol stating that he has broken his promise and that you fear he has kidnapped her and let them find him, and when she's returned get a court order stopping him access.
@amministra (1046)
• Italy
3 Jan 07
WELCOME TO MYLOT