Another Paddy Joke

If you had what i had A guy runs into a bar and says, "Bartender, quick! Give me 20 shots of your best Scotch!" So the bartender lines up 20 shots of his best Scotch and watches this guy down one after the other. "Man," the bartender says, "I've never seen anyone drink shots that fast!" "You'd drink them that fast too if you have what I have," the guy says. "Oh my God," says the bartender, "what do you have?" "50 cents.

Subject: Service At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service." It's the act of doing things for other people. Then I heard these terms which reference the word SERVICE: Internal Revenue Service Postal Service Telephone Service Civil Service City & County Public Service Customer Service Service Stations Then I became confused about the word "service ." This is not what I thought "service" meant. So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service " a few of his cows. BAM! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us. I hope you now are as enlightened as I am.

wow that joke was really really nice, thanks for taht.

aiting For Love This guy in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you," she said politely." "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love." "That must be rather difficult," the man replied. "Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset." Holy Water One day there were four nuns in line for confessional. The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned." He asked how. She said "I saw a man's private part." He told her to wash her eyes with holy water. The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned." He asked how. "I touched a man's private parts." He told her to wash her hands in holy water. Then he heard the third and fourth nun fighting. He asked why they were fighting. The fourth nun said, "I'm not going to wash my mouth in the holy water if she is going to sit in it." Brave Cat The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked. "Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again. "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We can get a new cat tomorrow." Would You Marry Again? One evening, impressed by a meat entree his wife had prepared, the husband asked, "What did you marinate this in?" The wife dropped her fork and went into a long explanation about how much she loved him and how life wouldn't be the same without him. She must have seen the confused look on her husband's face, because she inquired, "What did you ask me?" When he told her what he'd asked, the wife laughed and said, "I thought you asked me if I would marry you again!" Later, as she was cleaning up the kitchen, the husband called out, "Hey, Hon, WOULD you marry me again?" Without hesitation she replied, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce."

nice one man.. can u share more such jokes... u must be having series of such jokes...

That is a good one. I love Scottish jokes. Here's one for you. Note the Scots are tagged with being very thrifty and Scotland has socialized medicine. A Scotsman's shirt collars had all become too tight so he had his tonsils removed.

i read your comment and that was really nice and one more thing i want to tell u is that i reallly love jokes and keep posting such kind of things again. thank u.

hey good jole very nce can u post more plz i need to laugh i am very sad today

That is really funny. I like it.

LOL!! That was a good one.

great joke, keep it up, there must be more categories for jokes

that is a very nice joke there I think jokes release tenssion form people

A good one Matey, that Paddy sure got around he was here in Oz recently. Applied for a job with the Bullamakanka Shire Council as a street sweeper,thought he had the job too as the streets were in a sad state. The employment officer insisted he have an IQ test, which the officer said he failed. Paddy bristilled, and demanded to know more about the results and scores. " Paddy its like this if you were a brain surgeon or rocket scientist you would have an IQ of about180, a mechanic or plumber 150, even a common labourer would have about 120 or so." So Paddy asked what score he had achieved. "Sorry Paddy but you dont qualify with a score of only 50". "Well what if someone only scored 20" said the Irishman. "Paddy with a score under 50 you couldnt even tie your own shoelaces". "Begorra, then is that why so many Australians wear thongs?" Said Paddy.

Simply awesome

Irish don't like the englishman? I don't get it. It is a 'turf war' kind of joke yes.

Torah Scholar A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiance to his study for a drink. "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man. "I am a Torah scholar," he replies. "A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?" "I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us." "And how will you buy her a beautiful feb engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father. "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us." "And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?" "Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancee. The conversation proceeds like this, and ok each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide. Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?" The father answers, "He has no job 22 and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God." ************ Whatcha Got There? An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" The boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." The old man says "What you gonna 05 do with that?" The boy says "Gonna catch some chickens." The old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes 26 walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it. Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. The old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" The boy yells back "Roll of duck 20 tape." The old man says "What you gonna do with that?" The boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks." The old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. Same time next morning the old man sees 006 the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. The old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" The boy says "It's a pussfy willow." The old man says "Wait up.... I'll get my hat". ********** Bartendar Bets John walks up to the bar tender and bets him $200.00 that he can take off his ear and place it on the bar.. The bartender thinks to himself, "I know this isn't possible" "OK I will bet you the 200.00 dollars!" the 09 bartendar told John John took off his ear and placed it on the bar....and then said to the bartender, "You owe me 200.00!!! The next day John came to the bar again. He had a new bet for the bartender!! "I bet you 2,000 dollars that I can piss in this shoot glass and get every drop in? The bartender thought to himself again," No way can he do this!" "OK I'll bet you!" said the bartender. JOHN STARTS PISSING IN THE SHOT GLASS, THEN ALL OVER THE BAR, ON THE TABLES AND CHAIRS, ON THE STOOLS.... "HA HA I got ya...you owe me 2,000 dollars!!!!" said the bartender. John said, "Here's your 2,000....it's ok cause you see that table over there? I bet them 6,000 dollars that i could piss on your bar without you getting mad!!!" ************* The Slanty Ryed Foreman Three paddy's (irish men) are in London looking for work on a building site. The first Paddy (the smart one) goes in to see the foreman. The conversation starts. Foreman - "so then Paddy, how many bricks can you lay in a day". Paddy - "that would be 200 brick in a day sir". Foreman - "good man Paddy, thats the sort of level were looking for, but, before I give you the job, I must warn you, I like honesty in a man,20 so take a good look at me and tell me do you notice anything a bit strange about me?" Now, Paddy had a look at the foreman and it was obvious, very obvious there was something strange. His right ear was quite high on one side of his head oam and the left ear was quite low on the other side of his head. Paddy - "surely Boss, you've one ear up there and the others down there". Foreman - " We'll at least your honest about it Paddy. You'll not be making fun of me behind my back like all those other feck*ers, so you've got the job". Next Paddy walks in, same questions. "How many bricks can you lay in a day paddy?" "200 bricks sir" Foreman - "good man Paddy, thats the sort of level were looking for, but, before I give you the job, I must warn you, I like honesty in a man, so take a good look at me and tell me do you notice anything a bit strange 21 about me?" Paddy - "surely Boss, you've one ear up there and the others down there". Foreman - " We'll at least your honest about it Paddy. You'll not be making fun of me behind my back like all those other fec*kers, so you've got the job". The third Paddy walks in to see the foreman. Foreman - "So then Paddy, how many bricks can you lay in a day." Paddy - "400 bricks a day sir" Foreman - "By Jesus, 400 a day. I never heard of any man lay 400 bricks a day." Paddy - "Oh, ask any man in Ireland, 400 a day I tell you sir." Foreman - "thats unbeleiveable Paddy. Now obviously I want to give you the job, but, I have to tell you, I admire honesty in a man so take a look at me and tell me do you notice anything strange about me." Paddy has a long hard look. Paddy - " No sir, nothing strange" Foreman - "Come on paddy,07 honestly, what do you notice". Paddy - "No sir nothing strange." Foreman - "Now Paddy, I can't give you the job if you don't be honest, go on have a good look." Paddy stares at him insanely, and then notices something. Paddy - "A sir, I notice". Foremann - "Yes Paddy" Paddy - " You'd be wearing contact lenses". Unexpectedly the foreman enquires. Foreman - "My word Paddy, that's amazing, how observant of you. How did you ever notice that." Paddy - "We'll Sir, were the fec*k would you find a pair of glasses to fit a head like that" ************** Teamsters A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?" "No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't." "Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?" "The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00." Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why, yes, sir, this IS a Union House." The man asked, "And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?" "The girls get $80.00 and the house gets $20.00." "That's more like it!!!" jan the Teamster said. He handed the Madam $100.00, looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. "I'd like her for the night." "I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam, then pointing to an 85 year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."