Joke

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses. At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"

Sardar went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Sardar pointed towards the board "WASH BASIN"

Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told WALK! WALK! Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly sardar said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.

One morning at a doctor's surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?" The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, that's how I strained my back" The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.What the hell happened to you?" He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now.Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge." The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?" "Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"

Scared sleeping Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Shakey. Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

The Ten Commandments of Marriage Commandment 1: Marriages are made in heaven. But, so again, are thunder and lightning. Commandment 2. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. Commandment 3: Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand! Commandment 4: Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. Commandment 5: When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is. Commandment 6: Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one. Commandment 7: Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. Commandment 8: Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding,economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife. Commandment 9: Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry.That is why a wife treats her husband like toxic waste. Commandment 10: A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished!

lol..what about this fact...i.e., joke- ROTATION OF EARTH- Subject: Guess what would happen if ...... *What would happen, if earth starts rotating 30 times faster than it normally does? * *Guess what?* *Scroll down to see the answer............* *Wait* *Wait* * * *Wait* *Wait* *We would get** salary everyday. *

Ha Ha Ha... that is a good one... Here is one. A welshman was telling an Englishman an Irishman joke,"Its about a letter written by an Irishman said as a P.S."If you can't read this letter take it to the Parish Priest's house and he will read it for you." After a few minutes the Englishman burst into laughter saying,"of course I get the joke now! What if the Parish Priest were out?!

Why do people say "The alarm just went off" when really it just came on?

Top ten things you'll never head a Dad say. 10. Well, how about that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop ask for directions. 9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun? 8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that. 7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY. 6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son? 5. Your mother and I are going away for the weekend... you might want to consider throwing a party. 4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a machanic and pay whatever he asks. 3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earing -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall. 2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for youto spend. 1. Father's Day aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?" Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!" The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principle. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. teacher agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Johnny:"9". Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Johnny: "36". And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third grade." The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both agree. The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Johnny, after a moment, "Legs." Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny replied, "Pockets." Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Johnny: "Pants" Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?" Johnny: "Firetruck" The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I missed the last four questions myself!"

* An elderly woman goes to a bank and deposits $150,000. This was approved by the bank manager. He asks her why she is depositing so much cash, and she tells him from winning a bet. The manager tells her she will never win a bet from him. So she bets that his balls are square. The manager figures this is easy money and wagers $10,000. So the next day the old lady is there to check his balls but she brings someone with her. SO while she is checking this guy is unnerving and getting uneasy. The bank manager asks whats wrong and the guy says.."She bet me $75,000 that she would be touching your balls this same time today."

Mother was having hard time gettin her son James to go to school in the morning. "Nobody likes me", he complained. "The teachers don't like me, the kids dont like me, the superintendent wants to transfer me, the busdrivers hate me, the school board wants me to drop out, and the custodians have it in for me. I don't want to go to school". "but you have to go to school James", his mother said sternly. "You are healthy, you have a lot to learn, you have something to offer others, you are a leader. Besides, you are 45 years old and you are the PRINCIPAL".

two gals r sittin on d one bench without talkin for hrs..........ha ha ha!!!!!big joke na??????????? another one guys nevr do flirting..........ha ha ha!!!!!!!!i think its biggest joke in d world............

good juck but i hope irish and scotish do not hear your jock

Starting the day with a conversation between a wife and a husband who happens tobe a software engineer. Husband: (Returning late from work) "Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged in." Wife: Have you brought the grocery? Husband: Bad command or filename. Wife: But I told you in the morning. Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort? Wife: What about my new TV? Husband: Variable not found ... Wife: At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping. Husband: Sharing Violation. Access denied... Wife: Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny? Husband: Too many parameters ... Wife: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you. Husband: Data type mismatch. Wife: You are useless. Husband: It's by Default. Wife: What about your Salary? Husband: File in use ... Try after some time. Wife: What is my value in the family. Husband: Unknown Virus

its a very nice one but hav a look at this one,two people were playing chess and then two more come and say lets play doubles....

2 crazy guys were cutting in half a bomb when some other guy came and asked them what if the bomb explodes.The crazy guys answer:"No Problem we got another one"

Gifts One day The Lord spoke to Aadam. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said. Aadam looked at The Lord and replied, "Well, give me the good news first." Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new oragans for you, one is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eave. oamThe other organ I have for you is called a paenis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and 2007 populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to feb give her children." Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?" The Lord looked upon hum Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time." ** Small Compensation A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own 005 shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on 22 my shirt again. If the wife 21 finds out, she’s gonna kill me.” “Not to worry,” says the ba07 rtender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.” So the drunk goes home and tells his ok wife feb jan about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds tjawo twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks. The drunk replies, “Oh, yea nh, he crapped in my pants, too.”

orah Scholar A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiance to his study for a drink. "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man. "I am a Torah scholar," he replies. "A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?" "I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us." "And how will you buy her a beautiful feb engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father. "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us." "And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?" "Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancee. The conversation proceeds like this, and ok each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide. Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?" The father answers, "He has no job 22 and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God." ************ Whatcha Got There? An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" The boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." The old man says "What you gonna 105 do with that?" The boy says "Gonna catch some chickens." The old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"