I Don't Understand Why He is Angry.

United States
January 11, 2007 9:17am CST
My brother has anger issues and he always has. Most of his problem is that he thinks everyone hates him or is out to get him. Once you make his list of bad people, you can't get off this list. I have officially made his list. He says I do not care anything about his two younger children. The truth is, I am not as close to them because one is a baby and I have never lived close to the 3 year old. Sure, I'm going to be closer to the 8 year old who I helped raise for the first 4 years of his life. When the newest baby was born I flew down for a week and spent 4 days out of 7 at their house. After I left my brother told everyone I was barely there. I don't know what to do about him any more. I'm not going to let him walk all over me and spread lies, but I have to do something in a friendly way or he will still hate me.
7 people like this
34 responses
@lifeis2good (1183)
• United States
11 Jan 07
Do you think that maybe he's totally stressed out with having 3 kids?? Sometimes that can really make a person react in a not so friendly way to those that are there for them and willing to help them out!!! Sounds like you have been a super great sister to him as with caring and helping to raise the 1st child. Hopefully he can get a grip and realize that you have been there for him and that he should be thankful for having a great sister like yourself. Is he angry with everyone or just those people that he seems to think have done him wrong in someway or another!!! And yes never let anyone walk all over you - that's not a good thing for either person!!! I hope things begin to lookup for you so that you and your brother can get back to being kind siblings to each other!!! Sending you some Good Vibes!!! Smile and Have a Great Day!!!
• United States
11 Jan 07
I agree entirely with you, lifeis2good. Having kids is VERY stressful, let alone three. Maybe you should give him a gift card for a spa treatment or something relaxing. It also wouldn't hurt to talk to your brother about his feelings, and confront him about why he's saying these things behind your back.
12 Jan 07
yep.. i agree 100% with lifeis2good, i get p1ssed off real easy, because i have grown up with a lot of anger and fighting in my house, when stuff like that happens when your young, it sort of embeds in your personality..
@Kscott (634)
• United States
11 Jan 07
OMG!! Do we have the same brother and just dont know!!! My brother is 7 years younger than me....and I am the oldest, have the first 4 grandkids, my brother was 14 when I had my first, so he is really close with my first two. He got married about 2 years ago, has 1 daughter and he swears I hate him, or dont like him or his wife or daughter. This couldn't be farther from the truth. When my husband and I were dating, and prior to having children, we were always around my family, because I still lived at home, then after I had my son, we lived still with my parents for awhile. We now live 1 1/2 hours away from all my family, so it is difficult to see anyone on a regular basis....he has always been what I call a "hot head", and he gets angry and takes everything to offense (like everything you say is directed at him) I dont know why he is like this....he was very spoiled, but he was the only boy, and the baby...so that could be a reason....but not a good enough one. I talk to him on the phone some....but he acts like it's not enough...I have 4 kids, and he certainly doesn't have the same responsibilities as me when it comes to raising the kids....his wife takes care of that.....he's just a naturally angry person....I stood up to him in September, and said hey...you can come visit me.....whats wrong with that....I'm not going to let you pressure me into thinking I'm doing wrong....but this is life....we get older...lives change...etc. I cant keep fighting with you over something that is so imaterial....I do what I can do....I'm not superwoman...I cant twinkle my nose and all is well. Life is very stressful....maybe you should remind your brother, that this seems a little trivial....to always be mad or angry with someone....life is too short....and this is certainly not helping his anger. Tell him that living far away from each other makes things more difficult....and what does he expect from you....your his sister....just keep doing what you do, but I wouldn't go out of your way to apeeze him, cause thats probably what he wants....everyone to feel sorry for him...or he'll get angry....like getting angry is a threat....yes it is...but it doesn't make family's stronger....only weaker....In ten years he may think differently and will really regret getting mad at you over nothing basically. And as far as him spreading lies....if he is the one who has anger issues, hopefully everyone in your family already knows this and will overlook when he is spouting off about nonsense, just to get reaction. Ask him in a nice way..."What is it you expect of me, and how can I keep you from getting angry when I make a decision that is about me and my life....even though it affects you...it's still my (your) life......, also let him know (if this is how u feel) that you would like to be closer with his other two children, but it's just not possible, maybe try other means, like the internet (web cam calls), email, send videos, letters, etc. but it works both ways....you have to give to get....I hope my endless ramblings helped you....I am in the exact same boat with my brother though!!
• United States
11 Jan 07
well i think your brother is overreacting.I think you should sit down and have a serious talk with him explain to him that his accusations are wrong about you and his kids.and explain to him that you love all his kids but that you are closer to the oldese because you helped raise for the first four years of hios life but that does not mean you dont love his other kids to.
@Meljep (1668)
• United States
11 Jan 07
It sounds like he has maturity issues. His world revolves around him. Hopefully someday he will mature to the point of realizing that he is not the center of the universe and other people have their own lives to live.
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
totally agree! it is just probably the raging hormones issue! once he gets upset, give him some space first and then once he has cooled down...ask him what made him totally MAD! if there is someone there to take the initiative to listen...then probably it would help... :)
@mgr1987 (689)
• India
11 Jan 07
as you have explained,he feels that every body hates him.i think your brother didn't have a good childhood.all the seeds of the problem are sown in childhood.so,better take your brother to a psychiatrist by convincing him.
• United States
11 Jan 07
lol...he had the same childhood as I did and I'm not bitter? The two of us have talked and we both feel we were raised exactly the same. Our parents treated us exactly the same.
@yugi_sen (1742)
• India
11 Jan 07
HI I think your brother may need a good counselling so why not try a psychiatrist and get to understand his real problem. you will then be able to get in synch with your brother.
• Philippines
11 Jan 07
I suppose so.. you could've referred him to preffesionals who could help him.. or your presence to listen to help is of great importance as well
@brokentia (10396)
• United States
12 Jan 07
Maybe he feels that you are providing favoritism to the older child. I understand that you already have a bond with the older child but that should not prevent you from bonding ith the younger child and cause you to spend less time with the younger. Parents often have this conflict because someone will prefer one child over the other and the one left out feels as if they are not liked or is just plain hurt. So, it will also effect the parent and he or she will get in defensive mode. There was a great discussion yesterday just about this type of situation. Now, I am not saying that you are doing this. But it may be perceived that is what you are doing. The best thing to do is to talk to him and find out why he is angry. Then let him know that the next time you visit you would like to be able to work it out. But at the same time, I wouldn't want to be walked on either! My brother is a very angry person also. So, there is not talking to him and my family knows that. Here is a link to that very interesting discussion...mind you, it is NOT my discussion. I just thought it pertained to your concern and you would be interested in reading it. :) http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/582570.aspx
• India
12 Jan 07
i think u must talk to him very politely and give him a lot of caring.try to kknow what r his actual problems.if it doesn't helps consult a doctor
@nic073 (70)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
i think he's in a nutshell and wants to feel some sort of special attention. maybe you should give him that otherwise, there are anger management classes! lol.
@sahergul (774)
• Pakistan
12 Jan 07
well make him believe that u r his bro and u love him alot...
• India
12 Jan 07
I think he is suffering from inferiority complex,he should consult a doctor.
@Tarrish (562)
• United States
12 Jan 07
Maybe, more like probably, you're not the reason for these anger issues coming up. Maybe he is having some problems at home, or maybe there is an underlining mental condition he needs to get checked out. People can get angry for the strangest reasons, and take their anger out on the people they love the most. Since he is your brother I would try talking to him and some how patch things up. It must be horrible to be fueding with somebody who is apart of your family. Don't blame yourself completely!! Good luck.
• India
12 Jan 07
why dont u openly communicate it out to your brother?..this is the kinda relation which has got a privilege that u can say almost anythg to yr sibling..
@hackman (178)
• India
12 Jan 07
he is in sick
• India
12 Jan 07
Some people have undealt issues from childhood, may be something that you did or said when you both were children, guess this might be one of the resons why hes doing such a thing
@trysameer (219)
• India
12 Jan 07
hey...u just do one thing....just try to know what is really happening wit your brother... why is he so must angry, what wazz the troble with him...just try to understand him within from his heart and soul...then u will get a answer to your post absolutely dear..!
• United States
12 Jan 07
he might have paranoid manifestions as everyone is againt or hates him so stay close to him
@anne_143god (5390)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
Maybe he is just pressured in his life thats why he thinks that way. You should always try to be with him and let him know that someone is caring for him to ease a little bit his pressure.
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
Go away with him,its good for you to go with another person,do not seriously close to him,be cool,relax if he is with you.May be he has a problem,a personal problem that he dont want anybody knows.
@riteshkj (47)
• India
12 Jan 07
may be he is zealous and wnt to fight with u