LET'S SHARE JOKES HERE...
• United States
8 Oct 06
Warning...a little "racy". Subject: summer of '57 It's the summer of 1957 and Harold goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Harold's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo. When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's mother answers and invites him in. "Peggy Sue’s not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" she says. That's cool. Peggy Sue's mother asks Harold what they're planning to do. Harold replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue’s mother responds, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I Hear all the kids are doing it." Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Harold and he says "Wha...aaat?" "Yeah," says Peggy Sue's mother, "We know Peggy Sue really likes to screw; Why, she'd screw all night if we let her!" Harold's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes, and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Harold escorts his date out the front door while Mom is saying, "Have a good evening kids," with a small wink for Harold. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her mother: "Darn it, Mom! The Twist! The Twist! It's called The Twist!"
9 Dec 06
A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession...even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!"
7 Oct 06
I do have another one, but it is a little 'racey'. I do however, think we should be careful with the jokes we tell; there are children here. I have to do this just one time though. A pair of newlyweds were getting ready for bed the night of their honeymoon. The man is in bed witing impatiently. His wife is at her dressing table getting ready for bed. She takes out her contact lenses, then removes her false eye lashes. Then, as she is taking her 'falsies' out, her husband says to her, "When you get to the part I want, just throw it over here!!"
7 Oct 06
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman went on a mountain-climbing expedition together. Everything was going fine until one day, while they were walking along a narrow ledge, an avalanche ripped away the ledge on each side of them. As they stood there wondering what to do, with the freezing night closing in, there was a strange shimmering in the air and a good fairy appeared, floating in front of them. She raised her wand and declared that, as they had all been good and the expedition was sponsored for charity and so forth, she was to rescue them from their terrible plight. Each of them could wish to be transformed into any bird of their choice in order to get safely off the mountain, and would return to their normal form once they reached home. She turned first to the Englishman and asked what he wanted to be. "A swan," he replied, and a beautiful white swan replaced him. Stepping off the ledge, it spread its wings and flew off for England. The fairy turned to the Scotsman, who immediately and proudly chose a golden eagle, which he became. With a magnificent swoop, he launched from the ledge and soared away, glorying in the freedom of flight as he returned home. The Irishman watched the two birds disappearing into the distance from the ledge as the fairy turned to him. "And what bird do you choose?" she asked. He thought, and mused, then said, "A penguin."
• United States
20 Jan 07
A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules."I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be $ex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."
20 Jan 07
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink? Just-one Singh. What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them but you never see them. Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on a manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86". He asks the man, "Excuse me, but why are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling '86, 86, 86'?" The man says, "Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really want to know, I can let you go under there and find out. He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the better of him, and he says, "Okay." The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps into the manhole, and the man puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling "87, 87, 87"...
6 Jan 07
Different Boys Load A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short. The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?" The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son." With that the husband pcassed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
3 Jan 07
Santa and Banta, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai Restaurant. While looking at the menu, Banta noticed Santa looking at the vegetarian section of the menu. "What would you like Santa?" he asked. "I’m looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish," Santa replied. "Santa, you like meat and potatoes. You won’t like that dish," Banta said. "What do you know," answered Santa, "I'm getting it." "Santa, I'm telling you, you are a meat and potatoes kind of guy. You won’t like it!" Banta exclaimed. "I’m getting it and that is the last word!" says Santa. A short while later the meals arrive at the table. Santa looks down and his dish and says to Banta, “Where are my eggs?”
4 Oct 06
A man went into a pet store and said to the owner, I'd like to buy a pet that is out of the ordinary - unusual. The pet shop owner replied, well, I have one Rairy-bird left... The man said, I've never even heard of a Rairy-bird, that certainly makes it unusual, I'll take it! So the man brought home his new Rairy-bird and soon found out that it had a huge appetite! It was always hungry!! Finally, the Rairy-bird was so big and fat that it wouldn't fit inside the house anymore, much less the cage! The man said to himself: I've got to get rid of this animal-I can't afford to feed it! So he rented a huge dump truck, put the Rairy-bird into the back, and drove to the edge of a high cliff. He then dumped the Rairy-bird out of the truck and over the cliff!! Thinking that all his troubles were over, the man was driving home when he suddenly heard this singing coming from the back of the dump- truck: "It's a long long way to tip-a-Rairy!! A policeman walked over to a parked car and asked the driver if the car was licensed. 'Of course it is,' replied the driver. 'Great, I'll have a pint then.'