"Falling in love" and why I think it's a crazy idea.

United States
January 11, 2007 8:08pm CST
I think that falling in love is one of the most insane ideas ever presented to mankind. Now, before you shoot me, let me give you a reason. First of all, while I don't believe in "falling in love" as a valid component of finding a partner, I do believe in love. I also believe that you can grow in love with someone who you picked not because they gave you "those feelings", but because they were compatible with you, pure and simple. Some can call this falling in love as well, but I don't consider it so much falling as growing. To-may-to, to-mah-to. I believe that "falling in love" before truly knowing if the person is compatible with you, though, leads to nothing but trouble. Why? Because the feeling of being in love does not last forever. If you get married, you will not wake up everyday and feel "so in love" with your spouse. This is why I believe in finding a logical match first, someone who is the kind of person you are compatible with, and have that underlying friendship with, whose style of communication and views on the important things in life are compatible with yours. When the fleeting feelings of "being in love" are gone, but your spouse is still your best friend and partner in life, you will still want to be with that spouse logically, and the more you want to be with them logically, the more those feelings of "being in love" will return, too.
9 people like this
33 responses
@pendragon (3354)
• United States
12 Jan 07
Falling in love is insane alright, but i think its this insanity that will svae the world from darkness!! I am such a solitude-built being that I never ever thought anyone could burst into me as my gf has, and I have finally learned to want to share myself completely, I was never one for compromise, and have learned so much invaluable stuff from this new desire.Growing, falling, whatever it is, I'll take it!! :)
4 people like this
@GardenGerty (99351)
• United States
13 Jan 07
Yay for you! Sometimes you have to look a long time.
@craftwave (1338)
• United States
12 Jan 07
I believe a more correct phrasing would be falling in lust. I definately like the phrase growing in love much better. Because most people don't think of it as an ongoing thing a continual growing process.
3 people like this
12 Jan 07
same wave length... Just what I said. Great minds think alike huh
• United States
12 Jan 07
I think that falling in love is just a figure of speech. Like when you meet someone... all you do is think about them, you want to be with them all the time... you never want to be without this person. You "fall" for them. It's an amazing feeling... I fell for my husband... hard. And 8 months ago we got married and we are everything each other needs. We complete one another. Your missing out if you don't open up to the idea of "Falling in love"
3 people like this
• United States
12 Jan 07
I believe true love is something you grow into. When I met my husband, I liked him and I was truly grateful that he was a "true" gentleman and show me respect - this aspects of his personality endeared him to me, and we grew into love together. But what is your definition of love - it is such an over used, abusive word in our culture today, and I am as guilty as the next person --- I love this, I love that. Love for me is a partnership and trust I loved my husband to a certain degree when we married - but it has taken many years of loving behavior, words etc. for me to fully 100% trust him with my love -- too many wounds of the past, love for me has very many meanings and levels, I do think we idealize love and we are teaching our children that love is a quick, at first site experience their lives. We have tv shows, movies etc. that within one or two hours couples meet, share a few laughs, tears or whatever -- many have intimate relations before the relationship is even established -- they declare the undying love and are hitched in moments time- the end, rarely are our youth shown the day to day struggles of true love. I agree you must grow into love / falling can hurt :)
@astrotink (169)
12 Jan 07
I'd say you can fall in "lust" commonly mistaken for love and this can last for a whil but once its gone what do you have left? Many times I thought I was in love but it is amazing how quick those feelings changed once they p!ss*d me off or hurt me. My current partner-lover-soulmate, we first met over the internet, scarey yes, then we got chatting and really got to know eachother. When we arranged to meet it wasnt nerve racking as i really knew him and already felt love for him, my friend asked if he was ugly what would I do and I replied saying I would still give him the biggest hug cos this guy got my heart. As a bonus I do happen to find him extremely attractive a fancy the pants off him!! The best thing of all is we talk for hours and that hasnt ever changed, we know eachother so deeply and even when we do argue it just brings us closer as it clears the air and we communicate - THAT to me is love, now I know this is the 1st time I have ever experienced true love
• Philippines
13 Jan 07
u are 98% right! as to the matter of wanting to be compatible with someone on EVERYTHING, i think that isnt realistic. also, i believe it is very possible to be in love with someone who doesnt agree with u on everything and doesnt agree with u all the time because if this is what u want then ur not really looking for an INDIVIDUAL to love, ur looking for a robot...i think and i believe that we need to find someone who we are very comfortable with, this person doesnt have to agree with us all the time but this person needs to be intellectually and psychologically on the level with us...if we can find this person then we can say that we have found our "logical match".......
2 people like this
• Australia
13 Jan 07
I agree that it isn't necessary to agree on everything. Part of mutual respect is to differ agreeably on some things, but these are things which won't tear apart. On essentials, there needs to be agreement.
2 people like this
@lilkim90 (133)
• Canada
12 Jan 07
I do not believe in love neither buddy. I think love is a full of lies. I Do not see myself in love with anyone. I only date for fun. I am 16 years old.I have too many broken heart.
2 people like this
• United States
12 Jan 07
I didn't say I don't believe in love. I said I don't believe in "falling in love".
3 people like this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
13 Jan 07
I agree that those "puppy love" feelings tend to ebb and wane in a marriage. They come and go as the tide, and those who do not have a strong marriage, built upon the rock, thier relationship will be swept away with the waves. People focus so much on how they feel in the "moment" and not so much on the practical side of things. That's great if he gives you butterflys in your stomach, but if he doesn't want children and you do, it may not work out. Also, when the feelings of love aren't overwhelming, you need a strong relationship/friendship to fall back on.
2 people like this
@Celanith (2334)
• United States
13 Jan 07
You are 100% right about this, I did not LOVE my husband when we got married but I liked him a lot, he was fun and we were friends, we were compatable in other ways too and we both needed someone. I have grown to love him over the past 37 years deeply and miss him when he is gone. I would mourn him a long time should he go before me and I know he would me. You fall into lust and that is why people have marriage and divorce troubles.
• China
13 Jan 07
love is what makes a person complete... when someone is totally in love you can see that she/he is having a different attitude or aura.. no one can stand alone not having a person that will love her/him... for me, falling in love really makes a person in sane...
2 people like this
@superbren (859)
12 Jan 07
you are so right.the love you have for someone after years of being together is totally different than the love you feel for someone you barely know . its infatuation but it can wear off . we have all been through it at some stage of our lives .
2 people like this
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
12 Jan 07
Compatibility is extremely important. I don't know if I have been in love, ever. I like to think that if I found a partner that is compatible, my friend, and easy to communicate with, that I would love them all the time. Logic does play a part in a relationship. Sometimes, love is not logical. And being in a non-compatible relationship is not logical. I do think the feeling of being in love can last forever...as long as the relationship is based on logical values and like interests.
@katisaurus (1038)
• Canada
12 Jan 07
I think finding someone that's 'compatible' with you is really quite hard. You're never going to be perfectly content with your partner in a relationship all the time.. In my current relationship we've developed that "opposites attract" theory. We're not completely opposite, but we argue a lot because our views on things are very different. I think you can grow to love someone, as after about 8 months of us knowing eachother and 4 months being together, I did grow to be in love with him. But I feel that I've fallen in love with him, and I fell pretty hard. Most people don't say "I'm growing to love you" but rather "I'm falling in love with you"... I mean, I'm still pretty new in my relationship, (it's been about 7 or 8 months now, I think) and before we got in to that 'love' stage of our relationship, we were friends..and we acted like friends, and I know if anything were to happen to our relationship, we'd still be best friends and nothing would ever change that. Call me crazy but I think everyone has that someone who makes their heart beat like crazy every time they hear that someone's voice, or their name, even in the rough patches.
2 people like this
@shemb1 (465)
• Sri Lanka
12 Jan 07
falling in love is not crazy thing, but some people do love their partner in crazy way. I think thats LOVE. Love is great thing that we can experience in this life as humans. So tell me dont you think is love is great thing we can get from honest partner? to me love is like life and lfe without love is so empty and it should be have partner for all my life.
@dejiflow (128)
• Nigeria
12 Jan 07
You are right in the sense that you cannot fall in love with someone you dont like, or know very well. A woman tells you she loves a man who treats her like dirt... he has slept with her best friend, he constanly abuses her, he takes her money to buy gifts for other girls... and she hates all these things, yet she say she loves him. It is a contradiction in terms. It is an advaced state of lust. Friendship is the best foundation of love.
@dip_cool (411)
• India
12 Jan 07
yep you are absolutely correct my friend.i too believe you cannot fall in love but grow in love.you two have to be best of friends first and then you can have feelings for each other.i mean if you dont know anything about the person how can you say you love him/her just like that?i also have feelings for someone but that came after say 2 years of knowing her.i belive love grows out of friendship.anyways just my opinion.
2 people like this
• India
12 Jan 07
ur totally wrong buddy falling in love helps to have a right pratner who can help u everytime be with u every time.....its not fallin in love is wrong if u choose a wrong partneet to be with then u have to pay foe it ....life goes mess then ..... its a matter of fact to choose a right partner in ur life
@gifana (4838)
• Portugal
12 Jan 07
Jimmy Durante - caricature of Jimmy Durante, popular comedian, movie star, TV star, during the 30's, 40's, and 50's.
Yep. Maybe I should have stopped there before I get wound up. Naw....what do I know about love? Nothing. At least I never met a man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life picking up after, cleaning up, washing his clothes, etc. etc. hell I don't even do that for myself. I came close three times but when push came to shove I thought it much more productive to go out on my own.....and I proved myself right. I hate it when someone tells me....Sylvia, you don't know what you're missing. What a stupid thing to say... of course I dont I can't miss something I never had....it's impossible. Just because someone else says it's good or bad doesn't mean a hill of beans to me. By the same token I guess one might say that had I gotten married I would have missed travelling around the globe and back and all the wonderful and exciting places that I have seen. Is that a good substitute for marriage....well, I think so. But then I couldn't say I missed it because I had never been there before. Where was I.....oh yes, on falling in love. I think the word love has been over looked, over worked and over sexed. Just about everyone has there own definition of it. Is loving to eat an ice cream less important than loving someone. Does the use of the word in both have the same meaning or are they different, and if the latter, how is it so different. I've gone on too long and it's time for a commercial. See you next posting some time same site. And as Jimmy Durante used to say.....Goodnight, Mrs. Callabash, whereever you are.
• Romania
12 Jan 07
I shurely agree with you.In the real world falling in love can't happen,all though the idea is beautiful.But reality always dessapoints us.I can't understand ,and I can't stand the fact that anything you invest feelings in,hurts one in the most unexpected way...Sorry but instant feelings are not to be listened,even if "they" say you should listen to your heart...
@JJOD2007 (160)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
I salute you! Your girl is very really lucky to have you. I hope that all men think the way you think...
2 people like this