What is the best joke you've heard during the last week...??
January 15, 2007 2:26pm CST
This is one that I heard recently and thought it was quite funny... One day, Jesus & Satan decided to settle which one of them was the best programmer. God was chosen to be the judge. Jesus & Satan got 10 hours to create the best program that they could for the PC. When 10 hours had passed, the power suddenly went out, and all the data disappeared from both the monitors. Moments later the power came back on. On Jesus's monitor, all the data returned to the previous state, whereas Satan's monitor remained blank. Satan got really angry and complained to God. God was quiet for a moment, then he laughed and said, "Jesus Saves!"
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16 Jan 07
OK, try this.. There's three drunk man go out from the bar. They are so drunk but finally they arrive at the edge of the cliff. The first drunk man said "I can jump to the botom of the cliff and jump again in this place...alive!!" Rest of the group laugh at him. "ha, ha, ha, You're drunk man, stop the non sense" but the first man really jump in the bottom of the cliff and he survive! Even he can jump again to the place before he jump. The second and third person so amazed, but then the second person said "If u can do it, I can do it too. We are both in the same condition anyway. We are both drunk!!" Then the second person jump to the bottom of the cliff. But in this time he die when his body hit the rock on the bottom of the cliff. The third person notice that and start to thinking, why the first person can jump again but the second can't do it. Then finally he looks to the first person beside him and get realize and said, "Oh, I'm sorry Superman. I don't recognize you" :)
• United States
16 Jan 07
What Would Jesus Drive? Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring, "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car-pooled in a Honda: "The Apostles were in one Accord."
16 Jan 07
Three mean were standing at the gate to heaven. God called the first and asked him his profession. He said i am a doctor and have saved many lives. God asked him to stand aside. Then the second man came and said he was a priest. God again asked him to stand aside. The third man came, talked to God and was immediately allowed inside heaven. The doctor and priest got really angry and asked God why theyw ere asked to stand aside and the third man was allowed to go inside. God repled "The third man was a medical representative. He has already gone through hell in life."
16 Jan 07
once there was a marriage of lion... so many lions were dancing there.. suddenly what they saw one mouse came started dancing wiht them.. lions got furious.. asked mouse.. "this is lions marriage so only they can dance". mouse replied "before marriage i was also a lion"..:-)
19 Feb 07
There are some children in a class naming animals and they come across a picture of a deer. So the teacher asks Bobby, “What is this animal called?” “I don’t know,” claims Bobby. So then she says, “I'll give you a hint—it's what your mother calls your father.” The boy thinks for a minute and then says, “Oh that's what a son of a bit.h looks like!”
19 Feb 07
The Train Ride One day after a war was over, a general and a private were riding a train home, and the private was sitting in an aisle seat, and was waiting for the train to pull out of the station, when he looks up, and sees the prettiest girl he had ever seen walk in the car, and she's coming closer, and closer, finally she takes the seat directly across the aisle, and he gives her one of those cool smooth looks, and then he looks down the aisle again and sees....Grandma (who is a stout woman) coming over. Now she has seen the look from the private to her granddaughter, and gives the girl a little shove and the girl has to move over to the window seat. The private is more than a little disappointed because his view has just gone from gorgeous, to old and ugly. About an hour into the ride, They came into this tunnel, and it's pitch black in the train, you hear this smoooooch, then SMACK. The Beautiful girl is thinking, "I am so glad he kissed me. I just wish my grandma hadn't decked him!" The grandma is thinking, "I can't believe the NERVE of that young man, really, kissing my granddaughter! I am sooo glad she slapped him!" The general is thinking, "I am so proud of my private, he saw an opportunity, and he seized the opportunity, I just wish her grandma would have hit him instead of me!" The young private was thinking, "I must be the luckiest man in the world, I got to kiss the prettiest girl I've ever seen, and I got to deck my general without getting in trouble for it."
16 Jan 07
A man and wife woke up on the morning of their 40th anniversary. The husband looks at his wife and says: "Dearest, when we married you made me vow never to look in the box at the end of the bed. I've kept my word but now we've been married for 40 years are you prepared to let me have a look at what's in it?" The wife thinks about it for a while and finally replies "Dearest, you've been so good to me for all these years, so go ahead and have a look." She hands her husband the keys to the box and he opens it. Inside he discovers 4 golden eggs and £1000. He looks at his wife and asks "What are the eggs for?" "Well dearest," she replies "every time I was unfaithful to you I put an egg in the box." The husband thinks for a while "Well, darling, I suppose we have been married for a long time, so 4 mistakes isn't too bad, I forgive you...but what's the £1000 for?" The wife replies "Every time I got a dozen I sold them for a tenner!"
16 Jan 07
Paddy found an old metal lamp on the beach and as he cleaned it, a Genie appeared. ‘Your three wishes are my command’ the Genie said ‘but I must warn you that although whatever you ask for will be granted, your worst enemy will receive double your request’. Paddy thought for a good two minutes, then said ‘Right, I’ll have a million gold sovereigns’. ‘As you wish master’ said the Genie ‘but your worst enemy will receive two million’. ‘That’s OK’ said Paddy, ‘I now want three of the sexiest and most beautiful women in the world to fall madly in love with me’. ‘Granted, oh Master’ said the Genie ‘but you have been warned, what is your final wish’. ‘Before I ask for it’ said Paddy ‘can I ask you a question’. ‘Certainly’ said the Genie. Paddy asked ‘Does it hurt much to have one of your ba--s removed’
16 Jan 07
haha here is a good one: One day a boy went over to his girlfriends house to meet her parents for supper. After dinner the girlfriend and her motehr went into the kitchen to do the dishes and clear up..leaving the boy the father and the dog (duke) For dinner the family and the daughters boyfriend had a very nice curry so naturally the boy wanted to pass air. Duke the dog was sitting undeneath the boys chair, the boy suddenyl (accidentilly) let out a small but audible fart. "duke" the father yelled The boy thinking that the father thought the dog had done it let out another small one.. "Duke!" The father barked at the dog...the boy thought he was homefree now and let out the rest of his farts "Duke get out before the boy lays one on you!!!" Hmmm not so homefree...what dya think? :
• United States
16 Jan 07
I dont know if its the best joke, but it seems like it was the only joke I heard last week. Here it is. A man was asked what are him and his wife doing for the 25th anniversary. The man replied. My wife and I are going to Aruba for our anniversary. When the stranger replied "Wow that is a great gift" What will you do if you make it to your 50th anniversary? The husband then replied "I will go back to aruba and pick up my wife". Kinda corny but I hope it brought a smile to your face. Best of luck to you!