Cop Lines that have really been used!

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"Take your hands off the car, and I will make your birth certificate a worthless document!" "If you run, you will only go to jail tired." "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know that is the average speed of the 9mm bullet fired from my gun." "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything on the ticket, huh?" "Warning!? You want a warning? Ok, I'm warning you not to do that again or I will give you ANOTHER ticket!" "Your answer to this last question will determine if you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" "Fair? You want me to be fair? Look fair is a place where you go to ride rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop." "Yeah, we have quotas. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster-oven!" "Just how big were those two beers?" "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we are allowed to write as many tickets as we want." "I'm glad the Chief of Police is a close personal friend of yours. At least you will know someone that can post your bail." "In God we trust, all others are suspects."