Do you think you'll get your lives back after you've had kids?

@yamiboo (466)
Philippines
January 20, 2007 11:42am CST
After giving birth, your life changes. Everything is focused on your kids and more often than not, you don't get to do the things you used to do when you didn't have kids yet. Do you ever think you'll get your lives back to the way it was before you had kids or at least be able to do the things you used to do again?
1 person likes this
10 responses
• Canada
31 Jan 07
I have my life back for sure - but I am not the same person I was before I had kids. I don't WANT to do the things I did before I had kids ... I am not interested in partying, going out all night ... hanging out with people who have no other interests than partying and booze. I just have different things I want to do with my time. I'd take a good chat with a friend over a night of partying anytime.
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
Goes to show that life really changes once we have kids. It becomes focused on them and we do not mind that, in fact, we enjoy it so much.
• United States
31 Jan 07
For me, when I decided to start a family-I was willing to give up my old ways of partying, going out with friends all the time, staying up late & sleeping in. So, for me my life will never go back to the way it was before I had my kids & I don't want it to. My life is my kids now & I can't even picture a time without my children in it. I have no need to get things back to the way they used to be! When my kids get older, I might go on lunch dates with my girlfriends or a day of shopping-- but, until then I'm happy with my decision to give up my old ways & focus on my children.
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
Same here, I'm done with partying & going out with friends all the time. I do still stay up late, but not out of the house, I just try to do the things I have to do for myself here at home when the kids are asleep already that's why I end up sleeping late. When we wake up in the morning, to the time they sleep at night, I spend the whole day with them. Like what you said, my kids and husband are my life now and everything I do, think, and say revolves around them.
• Canada
31 Jan 07
I think life doesnt go back to the way it was before not just because of kids but really because our lives change at different stages anyways. Even before kids there were a lot of things I did and didnt do at 23 that I would or would not have at 18. I found at first when my daughter was a newborn things changed alot but now that she is older things have settled in. I still get to go to the gym 4 times a week, thats when she has time alone with my husband her dad. At first I felt a little guilty leaving her to go to the gym but I learned not to because I watch her at times for my husband to do things, and to go to the gym is good for me and makes me a more energetic mom when we are together. My husband and I dont go out as much alone, but we enjoy going out with our daughter as a family instead. And the odd time we do get a sitter and go out we enjoy it more and are more appreciattive of our time alone. I often do get frustrated at the minor things I have given up with having kids but overall the pros outweight the cons and Im just being selfish when I complain, lol ;)
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
I also feel guilty when I have to go out for a while, like going to the parlor, etc. But then again, it's my "myself" time so I figured that as long as my husband is with them while I'm gone, it's gonna be fine. It's just gonna take an hour to go to the parlor anyway. For me, as long as either one of us (me or my husband) are at home with the kids so we can do something for ourselves, then it's fine. But for trips to the mall, etc., we always go out as a family. With regards to the things we do, depending on our age, you made a point. There were things in the past that we used to do and enjoy that we ourselves choose not to do anymore.
@biwasaki (1745)
• United States
31 Jan 07
I have two young daughters at home, with a third child on the way. Having them hasn't affected our lives very drastically. We still get to do the things that we love to do, but we take them with us so that they can enjoy it too. I believe that by doing things as a family, it strengthens our bonds to each other.
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
Like you, we also do things together as a family. In fact, I cannot even leave the house without the kids. I would love for them to be with me and my husband when we go out. As you said, doing things as a family strengthens our bond to each other, and that's how I like it to be. :)
@kris2080 (157)
• Philippines
31 Jan 07
Yes.I believe you can,dont make your kids a burden to your life,you just have to wait for them to grow a little bigger,where they can walk by themeselves,then manager your time.I'ts actually rewarding when you can do both,you get to enjoy the pleasures of your life and your kids.
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
Yup, my kids aren't a burden to my life. In fact, they're my life now. I gave up a good job to be with them and watch them grow. I know time flies fast, and next thing i know, they're older already and have their own families already, so I'm cherishing every single moment with them.
• United States
2 Feb 07
No, my life will never change back the way it used to be. I will always be a Mom. That will never change. I will always worry, I will always wonder and be concerned about them. I dont sleep as well as I use to before I had kids. I get up atleast 2x per night to check on them. When they move out I am sure that I will Always wonder and be concerned of there well being. I will always be guiding and directing my kids in life. My mother still does for me and I am 31 years old. I love to be a part of their lives and I hope that I always will be. And then there will be grandchildren. The more the marrier! I love being a mom and I hope that it never goes away. It is the joy of my life and I would never wish to have a life without them. If I can have it my way my faliy will hopfully all live on the same block!! lol!!
1 person likes this
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
11 Feb 07
I feel the same way as you. I love being a mom, in fact, it's the best thing that has ever happened to me. :) Thanks for sharing your views.
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
31 Jan 07
You sure do, about 18-20 years after the last kid is born. Mine is going to be 21 on Sunday. And still I plan events around him. Like my Christmas tree is still up, he has not been home so we are saving Christmas for him. I know eventually it will be grandchildren and everything else, so I lied, no, life will not go back to normal.
1 person likes this
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
Aww, that is sooo sweet for you to wait for your son/daughter before putting down the Christmas tree. That would really make him feel special. :)
@apky12 (775)
• United States
2 Feb 07
You are able to do some of things you used to do but it will never ever be the same again. I also think as the kids get older and more independent it will get easier to do things you used to do again. I can't even really clean my house right now. I can straighten it but I don't have to to REALLY clean. I never can go out by myself without begging my husband to watch them. They are attached to me like extra appendages ;)
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
Same here, I don't get to clean our house that much anymore but I still do make time for it as I want to set an example of responsiblity to my kids. The good thing about me having a 2year old daughter is she is already able to help me around with simple things like handing me some stuff so I don't have to keep running back and forth. Like you, I cannot leave the house without my husband watching them. But when I leave, even if my husband is watching over them, I make it a point to come home immediately because I want to be home for and with my family. Like your kids, my kids are also attached to me, and I feel likewise to them. :)
@kmgupta (561)
• India
31 Jan 07
go for second honeymoon
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
Hehe. Thanks! Maybe when the kids are older already and able to take care of themselves. :) Right now, they're just too young to be left behind, and I'm too attached to them :)
@hiitssomu (657)
• United States
31 Jan 07
this is true that i don't get back your life back as it was before kid. but simultaneously this is also true that i don't feel bad that i am not getting my ol life back. in our life we always go through some stages. we prefer certain things in certain stages. having kid is also a such stage, where we love to have kid. the life with kid is something different, u might miss something in this life, but also you will get something which you never get ealier. how do you feel when your child listen to your words and start smiling?
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
yeah, that's true. When we didn't have kids yet, we were mainly focused on ourselves..Now that we have kids, we would want them to be involved in whatever we do and us to be involved in whatever we do. That's the stage we're in now and I don't mind being in this stage for a long time, because I'm enjoying every single moment being a mother to my two kids.