Interracial Dating--What's the big deal if a couple want to date or get married?

@mzbubblie (3840)
United States
January 21, 2007 12:43pm CST
First off, This topic is not intended to disrespect anyone, nor am I trying to offend anyone. I just want to understand why there are people so against letting two people of different races be happy and why is it so forbidden to some... I was born in Alabama where as a child to an adult, I didn't see much of interracial dating growing up, My parents always taught me that everyone is equal no matter what color they are...repect anyone who respect you.... When I moved to Virginia, I saw more and more interracial couples, children etc... That doesn't bother me one bit, but what bothers me is how I've seen or even heard people in general talk about how wrong it is and how everyone should stick to their own race. I never got a valid answer why just simply "It's not right". In my eyes that's not valid enough.... I have never dated outside my race, but I have friends even some family members that has. I feel as long as a couple is happy, except each other for who they are and respect one other, why should it matter what the next person think of their relationship. Some really good relationships are ruined by friends and families due to the stress of hearing the many reasons why it's so wrong or treat their boyfriends girlfriends or spouses differently...Why do people get such in a uproar about what another couple have? The reason I started this topic is because of a married couple i'm friends with...He is white and he is married to a black female. His parents are fine with it, her parents are fine with it however, his grandparents are very against it, So against it to the point, He can't take his wife over his grandparents home. They are thinking about having children, but concerned that part of the family would disown them. I always tell him, he should focus on his marriage, and their happiness and not listen to what everyone else says. He agrees, but I still feel deep down he don't want to let some of his family members down. My questions to you is do you feel people who are so against interracial dating stem from how a person is raised, their parents, their families beliefs? Why do people involved themselves in what someone else has? It really shouldn't be our concern about the next couples relationship but some still do... Please share your thoughts without offending anyone please...
12 people like this
62 responses
• United States
22 Jan 07
Hi mzbubblie, I have an interest in this topic on several levels. My view is that you are correct in your basic feeling that race should not be a factor in relationships. With that said, I'll have to speak to my own situation to reveal my thoughts. I am a black male married to a white female for the past 26 years. Initally, being young and in love:), we decided we would go it alone if our families objected. Fortunately, both sides showed no outward signs of dismay(I can't speak to anyones heart as only God knows the inner man). Subsequently, we were married for 17 years relatively happy but not fully understanding that a successful marriage is not based on feelings; a great marriage is built on committment. This is the point of my reply; The latter years of my marriage has convinced that no relationship can be content apart from a right relationship with God through Jesus Christ. I know this is not popular today but I am of the opinion that it is the truth. The only requirement set in scripture for relationships is that a believer not marry an unbeliever. My opinion is that you and your friends should seek to find favor with God as He as promised you can then find favor with man. "People who are so against interracial dating" suffer from something we all share, a sin nature. Being imperfect beings we are selfish and lack understanding of God's veiw of relationships. When we don't have a perfect standard or foundation to use for answers, we have to wing-it, and our flawed ideas come to the surface. I've learned that God's ways are always best. countdown21.com
• United States
21 Jan 07
First, I totally agree with you. To answer your questions. I think it is the way people are raised. Only when people can see that it doesn't make a difference what color you are love is love, that's when opionins will change.Parents are very influencial but when a teen leaves home, and sometimes out of town or state, he gets to see what you have seen.Two people of different races in love and living happily ever after.And if they get to know the couple, they will see they are like any other couple.Family beliefs may be a cause. If they are , that may be the hardest thing to overcome.I don't know what you can do. Why people involve themselves in any couple I don't understand. It is not their business.Maybe if they had their own life it wouldn't matter. Sometimes I think everyone should see either Guess Who's Coming To Dinner or Guess Who.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 07
Love knows no color. I don't have a problem with this at all and I also don't understans why so many people feel this way. While growing up I was always told by my father that he would disown me if I ever dated outside of my color. I hated him for that, I thought that he had no right to tell me who I could and could not fall in love with. You would think that with the times being what they are people would accept it better but they don't. I can not tell you why people have this problem, but I do disagree with it.
1 person likes this
@Geminigirl (1909)
• United States
21 Jan 07
This is an excellent post. My best friend is in a mixed relationship, and she has taken all kinds of heat from her family about it. His family is ok with it, hers is not. They, as a couple, are very happy. Their unhappiness comes from those who judge them, and it seems they get more harshly judged from their family than from anyone else. I have witnessed this throughout their relationship, and it make me sad for them. I agree that people should basically mind their business. If two people can get together and make it in this world, then that is something that should be celebrated, not torn apart.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 07
I am a true believer of "Different Strokes for Different Folks". I personally do not date out of my race because I think it is WRONG FOR MEE!! See I think we were made a rainbow of colors for a reason and it is not my place to mess up that rainbow. If you are a Christian, Islamic, Hindu, Wiccan, etc... then why would you want to mess up your Creator's design, are we greater than the Creator since his/her/it's design does not mean anything to us?!? We are an INTELLIGENT DESIGN so why mess with it?!? Thank you for the great discussion and have a great day!! Remember this is only my opinion, and does not have to be your's!!
• United States
22 Jan 07
I also believe different strokes for different folks but, HUH?! I don't really get what you are saying here. How is that messing up an intelligent design? Also mixed children contribute to that "rainbow of colors". Furthermore, if everyone decided to mix and we all become a light brown color, that could possibly be for a reason as well. I'm not sure your religion, but religions like Christianity believe that mankind was borne from one male and one female, hence making us the same race with variations coming later based on the different environmental conditions we had to face depending on the continent we were on.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 07
That very well could be the reason for the difference, but as I said I am not going to mess with the design that has been set forth already. I want for my great, great, grand kids to experience the joy of diversity and hopefully by then we will be living in harmony. How boring would the world be if everyone was the same? After race then what language, hell they are already trying to have everyone in the world know english, look at myLot for example. So how would you feel if your great, great grand kids never got to know the beauty of your native tongue because it was eradicated, by blending it all togather? That would be a shame. I for one celebrate the diference as that is what makes us beautiful, music would just suck if it were all flats and no sharps, without the vibrant colors the world would be bleek!! If you were to blend togather all of the dogs of the world, eradicating the different species (they are all just dogs just like we are all just humans) to make it all just one kind of dog, that would just be silly, the dogs that are pure bred would be gone, no compairing the poodles, saint bernards, sharpeis, etc.. since it would be just dogs. This is what makes us all beautiful, our differences!! Once we get rid of the difference and make it all just one then the beauty of diversity is gone and so is the choices that go along with diversity. I have heard so many times that I perfer white, black, asians, hispanic, etc.... Well guess what without people like mee there will be no different race to desire since it would all become one thus ending your choice. My choice is to stay with my own and not mess with the rainbow. My hope is that my children will choose the same but if they do not that is their choice. Thank you for your response and have a great day!!
• United States
22 Jan 07
I still don't really get how that is intelligent design, but I do think diversity enhances the world and is as good a reason as any for yourself to not date interacially...as long as it's not against and other person's choice to, even if we all were to do it, fine by me. Besides, many of us wouldn't be here is it weren't for some interracial nookie. Thank you for expounding.
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
21 Jan 07
In my opinion, no child is born racist. Racism is a poison pumped in to children, first by parents and later by many institutions of state, education being the most profound. Im genuinely shocked that by the early 21st century some people are still concerned by such issues I honestly thought we had dealt with the pure race theorists when our fathers and grandfathers defeted their champion in Germany in 1945, but it seems they have simply crawled under stones awating their chance. A couple in love have the only thing they need to be happy, that is love. No one has the right to an opinion on anyones choice of partner, it has nothing to do with any one else, just the couple involved, blessed be keep on posting
• United States
21 Jan 07
Sometimes it has nothing to do with being racist. See post #20 below. I will never say that someone is wrong for interracial relationship as that is their choice but I try to instill a respect for the creator in my children as that is what it is. Before you call mee a racist please read my post #20 below!
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
22 Jan 07
i do not intend to call you a racist friend, but i do worry about the assumption of belief in a creator. Intelligent design is just a theory (ok a dangerous one in my opinion) and surely instilling it above others in anyone can only retard scientific advance. maybe we all need to open our minds, try imagining a world without a god, is it really so scary?
@pagli84 (1850)
• Netherlands
21 Jan 07
i dont think there's any problem with it. if two people of different races want to get married, so be it. if a man and a man want to get married, so bet it. i dont understand why people make such a big deal out of something that doesn't really affect them. if you are white and don't want to marry anyone other than a white, then that's your choice, but who are you to disagree with or disapprove of someone else from straying from that stereotype? (btw, im talking about a general 'you').
@mzbubblie (3840)
• United States
22 Jan 07
I understand and you are so right...It's almost as sad as beliefs in religion, someone will tell you you wrong and you need to do this or that because that's what (whatever their religion) want you to do, being you not even that religion..It's almost like some people want to convert you or make you believe what they believe....thanks for responing and I totally agree with you....
@adidas7878 (2013)
• United States
21 Jan 07
here is my respond, my personaly experise on this topic, first of all I have nothing again anyone i do not judge people by who they are, but I always had people judge me looking at me funny when i dating some other race. I had dated people not my race my whole life, I had girls told me that they can't date me because their parents doesnt like me because i am not the same color as they are. I had girls that ditch me on dates just because i am not the same race as they are, but i get over that, if they are going to judge me by who i am and not what i am that is they lost. but the things that bugs me the most is, the state i live in suppose to be known as the friendliest state. so you tell me how friendly people are.
@mzbubblie (3840)
• United States
22 Jan 07
I understand where you coming from. I was born and raised in Alabama, a state that is full of racist. Even not dating another race, I still get the look like "why are you over here" or talk to me like I'm from another country....It's so much hate, sometimes I wish people would put aside their beliefs and be thankful you have family memebers that love you unconditionally....whatever happen to I love you for who you are?
• Singapore
21 Jan 07
People who are against inter-racial marriages or relationships are most probably old fashioned. Ask your friend to speak with his grandparents and explain that they are in loved and that it would be great if they can have the grandparents' blessings and acceptance. Sometimes what is needed in a scenario such as this is some convincing and rationalisation.
@mzbubblie (3840)
• United States
22 Jan 07
That was tried in the beginning of the married, they are very serious about it and stand by it...People not use to change and beliefs from their generation..They don't want to change....thank you for the advice though...and you have a great day
@nrmrreddi (356)
• Germany
21 Jan 07
In this generation love sees no age, no color, no race, no country or anything else which makes a barrier between people. Love has no rules to be maintained these days. But it was not the same for our grandfathers or great grandfathers. They have seen relationships only in their race, in their country and they cant cope up with this generation. They had their own values which they dont want to change for this generation. I think we should leave them a side.
@mzbubblie (3840)
• United States
22 Jan 07
It sounds nice to leave them aside but just as my friend who is married, How can one leave the older generation aside when he is not even allowed in their house if he has her with him....That's easier said than done to just leave them aside....thank you for responding...
• United States
21 Jan 07
I totally agree with you. It really is not our concern about who someone else wants to date. I believe people feel like that because of how they were raised. It should not matter what someone else chooses that is their choice, and who am I do disagree with them?
@mzbubblie (3840)
• United States
22 Jan 07
True, But I think to myself, should it be that big of a deal, I mean where I live at I see it everyday so what makes one look or judge one knowing 9 times outta 10 later on that day they may see another couple walking around...I feel some people need to wake up, times have "CHANGED" it's that some people don't want to change and set in their ways...
• United States
21 Jan 07
In the United States, interracial dating and relationships are generally accepted. I would say much more so than probably any other country in the world. There are still a lot of people here who are against it. Mainly, because of traditional views and latent racism that plagued this country in previous years. Older people are generally really against it, because it differs from what they were taught. I think it's up to the person to decide whether they want to date outside their race. To each his own as they say.
@mzbubblie (3840)
• United States
21 Jan 07
Yes, I agree, I always say to people, it's not your life, you are not living in it so why should it bother you...It's like they make a big deal out of nothing that really don't concern them...thank you for responding
@plantit1 (298)
• United States
21 Jan 07
I would expect that from some grandparents. They were raised quite differently than we were. Prejudice was instilled in them and that is one of the hardest things to rid ourselves of. I see this interracial thing more and more these days. I think its a evolution thing. We must all rise up from our prejudice ways of thinking and come to realize we are all the same. We are all created equal and basically all the same.
@mzbubblie (3840)
• United States
21 Jan 07
Yes very true about our grandparents and great grandparents...some people just don't want to except change...thank you for responding...
@cuterose (1698)
• India
21 Jan 07
i dont know much about the culture in your place and in other foreign countries. i've heard that interracial marriages are no big deal there. but in my place, that is in india, interracial marriages are not accepted by some. but some dont mind about this. the reason for not accepting is: tradition and our culture. its so different from others. but now its changing. there are so many religions, so many castes which have their own etiqs. take for example, if an indian marries an american, there would be lot differences between the two in sorts of habbits, culture, the way they pray, the way they eat, their daily habbits, lifestyle etc. so u have to change your entire self and adopt and accept that new culture. if your love is so pure and powerful, that both can adjust to the other then there's nothing wrong in it.
@mzbubblie (3840)
• United States
21 Jan 07
Yeah, I can understand how it can be in others countries being raised with beliefs and tradition. I totally respect that as well...thank you for responding...
• Philippines
21 Jan 07
i don't see anything wrong with interracial dating either. some people might be against it because it's been locked in their traditional beliefs or upbringing. my boyfriend is half-chinese and my mom keeps saying that chinese people are very sneaky and selfish. she keeps generalizing all the chinese in the world that even my boyfriend is affected by it. it's a saddening fact but all i can do is shrug about the issue. a more confusing thing about it is that my mom is a filipina and she married an austrian. how could she choose which race she should marry? i don't really understand..
@mzbubblie (3840)
• United States
21 Jan 07
Yeah, maybe it goes with what's good for them is not good for everyone else...As long as you and your boyfriend are happy that is all that matters, thank you for responding...
@sarah22 (3981)
• United States
21 Jan 07
i dont see anything wrong with it. people have grown up to beleive its wrong and the races need to marry with in there races. back in South Africa there is not that many inter racials marring, to the people back home they do not see it as right. well, i dont think that its only in race, i marriede an American and got ragged on by some American girls, like, why did i not marry someone from my own country. i have stolen on of there soldiers, there men. we do not belong to a country asindividua. we can marry who we fall in love with. we are all equal as your parents have tought you and so has mine, i have maltiratial friends and family and i love them all the same, they are wonderful people.
@mzbubblie (3840)
• United States
21 Jan 07
Very true some people are not use to change and realize society is not like how it use to be back "in the days"....thank you for responding...
@uath13 (8207)
• United States
22 Jan 07
But interacial marriges are sooo wrong. Just think about the difficulties placed on the racist population. Is their kid white, is he black? Do we hand him a clan hood or burn a cross in his yard? Its soooo confusing! O.K. So I couldn't respond without sarcasm or trying to offend someone. If a couple likes being together, let them be. Their relationship isn't your business. If race isn't a problem for them, don't make it one.
• United States
22 Jan 07
My thoughts excactly. My cousing married a black man and right away my grandfather disapproved of it. They had a daughter together and my grandfather made comments like now I have a zebra for a family member. Well that all changed when he saw her finally. She is the prettiest little girl you have ever seen. He fell in love with her instantly. I feel people have a problem with it because of the way they grew up. I know my grandfather was a big rasict but I never followed suit. I told him it was wrong. Some feel that if one person of the race does something terrible than they are all bad. Not right because white people are just as bad and we aren't against our race. I taught my children there is nothing wrong with people that are of a different color and my youngest daughter has all kinds of friends. You have to respect one another for this world to get along. We are all the same except for the color of our skin. Your friend just needs to live his life and not worry about what others say. If and when they have children it will be his grandparents loss if they don't get to know the kids.
• Canada
22 Jan 07
As long as they're happy, they're doing the right thing. They should not have to worry about having children because of what his grandparents think. Sadly his grandparents were raised in an era where people thought that way, and they're not going to change. If his parents are fine with it, I woudln't be too worried about his side of the family. Even if only the couple approved, I still woudln't worry. If they want to have children, they should!! Maybe there'd be less race issues if more people intermarried.
@kabella50 (309)
• United States
22 Jan 07
It seems that how a person is raised usually determines their thinking.The older family members come from a time when racial segregation was the norm.I have come to realize that many whites were raised to believe that we African Americans are inferior and some even thought we were actual monkeys with tails.These beliefs are hard to change with out direct contact between the races and some people have none.I read where Abraham Lincoln too was raised to believe we as a people weren't able to learn and weren't able to be literate and he found out much later in life probaly through his friendship with Fredrick Douglas that we are very much alike.If they want to change their families opinion then they have to stay together and build on their love.Time and contact with each other is the only way to heal those old wounds.They can actually bring a huge change into their families and spread some true love through out.Tell them to remain together and show the world that love needs no explanation.