A dog's pet peeves...

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1) Blaming your farts on me. Not funny...not funny at all. . 2) Yelling at me for barking. For God's sake, I'm a dog! . 3) Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check things out. Just whose walk is this anyway? . 4) Any tricks that involves food on my nose. Stop it. . 5) Yelling at me for rubbing my bum on the carpet. Why did you buy carpet? . 6) Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered the firm hand shake yet. . 7) How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we all know the truth, you're just jealous. . 8) Dog sweaters...HELLO! Haven't you noticed fur? . 9) When you pick up poop in the yard. Do you realize how far this puts us behind? . 10) Taking me to the vet for "the big snip," then acting surprised when we freak out when we go back. . 11) The ole fake, fetch and throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.