My 2 1/2 year old daughter doesnt want to ptty train, help please

United States
January 26, 2007 8:30am CST
My daughter is now 2 1/2 and she learned how to go on the potty about 8 months ago. She has her good days but they are mosly bad. It is realy hard to get her to go to the bathroom, she realy just doesnt want too. She will even pee in her pants right in front of the toilet to keep from using it. I am at a loss, I have tried everything and would love some advice from others ! My son was a dream to potty train, he was done compleetely in 2 weeks, not even wetting the bed, he was not even 2. I take my little girl to the bathroom all day long and sit with her for sometines 45 min, til her toes go numb, and she gets up and pees about 5 min after getting off the toilet. I'm exausted, nedd some good advice !
6 people like this
21 responses
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
27 Jan 07
Oh lord, I have no idea hun! I'm afraid I'd lose some serious patience here. Does she #2 in her pants?? I mean, this sounds gross, but it worked for someone I know. If she goes #2 or even #1...don't change her right away. Make her sit in it and feel gross for a while. Maybe it will convince her that she needs to go. Of course, don't leave her wet for very long or she could get an infection or rash, but just for a little while...to show her you aren't going to change her and treat her like a little baby just because she doesn't want to potty train. Show her she doesn't have a choice.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 07
Don't worry.. We too are having difficulty potty training our child. But, at least some people put up some good ideas that we can try
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 07
She will actually go play bu herself and avoid me when she goes #2 in her pants. I am going to try letting her be for a month or two then try again. Good luck too you as well !!!
1 person likes this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
26 Jan 07
Sometimes with potty training there is more involved than ability. Some children are perfectly capable of going, but refuse to go, knowing it is something that YOU Want them to do. It sounds like she is asserting herself, especially the whole part about her peeing in her pants so she doesn't have to use the toilet. I think the best thing to do, is just give her a break. DOn't even mention it.. Pack up her underwear, and put out diapers. Dont' say a word to her about it for a month, and then you can casually leave her underwear out where she can see it. If she wants to wear it, fine, is she pees on herself, fine.. also make sure you let her help clean it up... She is problably sensing how important this is to you, and being a toddler, is deciding NOT to please you. It's problably just a phase, and once it's not important to you (or at least she thinks it's not) it will problably become important to her. ALso, what worked with my son was, he had a friend that was potty training, after spending a couple days with him, my son decided he wanted to wear underwear as well.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 07
I will try that thanks !!!
1 person likes this
@Rahleah (187)
• United States
26 Jan 07
I think the most important thing to remember here is that everybody's different. This can feel especially difficult if you had one child that was such a breeze to train and now one that seems much harder. My first child (very precocious) announced to me on her 2nd birthday that she would wear "diapies" no more because she would be "goin' to potty now." I hadn't even tried to train her. And, by God, she did it, just like that, in one day, with NO accidents. She is very stubborn and has a will of steel about EVERYTHING. So, then along comes her sister a couple years later and she just seems to refuse to cooperate. First, I hardly knew how to train her since I didn't have to train her sister, and second, I just thought it was a battle of the wills, hers against mine. I felt like she was punishing me or trying to manipulate me or control my attention (by always getting so much of it while I tried to train her and sit with her). Then my dad told me not to worry because he didn't stop wetting the bed until he was 13, and I thought I would KILL myself. Honestly. I cried. But, the good news is that our family doctor told me, not everybody's body is ready to potty train at the same time. And no matter how much they may want to (or not want to) it will pretty much happen when it happens. And no amount of stress will speed it up. In fact, stress will usually slow it down. I did relax a bit after that. What we did find to help was that we stopped putting her in Huggy Pull-ups unless we had to go out somewhere in public. They worked TOO well. They pulled the wetness and uncomfortableness away from her. (Which is fine if you are out, but at home, it delayed progress.) At night, we just kept diapers on her until after we learned that she had achieved total control. That took a while. In the day at home, we wore little cotton training pants on her and old-fashioned plastic pants over those. When she wet herself, she could really feel it and it was uncomfortable. She didn't like that. And the plastic protected her clothes, for the most part. We didn't let her sit on the regular furniture, because of potential accidents. We just told her she had to sit on her little kiddie chairs while she was potty training and until she got it right because we didn't want to make any messes to ruin the furniture. It made her a little mad, but I think it motivated her. She felt a bit segregated from her sister, (who was all lounging about with a big smile up on the couch and the easy chair.) I sympathize with you. It felt like forever at the time, but now, looking back on it, it wasn't so bad. Does your daughter have her own little potty or is she using a training seat on the big toilet and a stool to reach it? Sometimes this makes a difference. Try letting her make a couple choices regarding this and letting her have the feel of some control in the situation. That might help a lot, too. Also, I don't think I'd sit with her. I'd get her situated and tell her to let you know when she's done. Tell her that AFTER she has pee din the potty, you will be happy to sit with her and read a book or do a craft or whatever she likes. That way, she may try to perform to get the attention, instead of refusing to perform as a way to hold onto the attention. Good luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 07
Lots of great ideas thnks !
1 person likes this
@babs6219 (153)
• United States
27 Jan 07
I may be reprating some of what you've already been told, but she may not be ready. I used to teach an older 2's and younger 3's class in a preschool, and only about 1/2 of them were potty trained. If she is not ready, and she feels pushed, it might just take longer. Have you asked your pediatrician what he or she thinks? Good luck, it's hard!
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 07
Ah yes I remember my daughters were really hard compared to my son. I have learned through two of them though that you will get no where with them until they are completely ready to do it on their own. Curiosity does not mean that she is fully ready. Just remember that when she does go on the potty to tell her what a big girl she is and maybe she can earn a sticker of something that she really likes each time she does go. My last daughter did the same thing that your daughter is doing and finally I decided that I would send her to my sisters for the weekend. She came home potty trained and we have not had to buy diapers since. Sometimes it is just easier for somoneone else other than the mother to potty train girls. I wish you luck and just hang in there.
@Kaldonya (278)
• United States
27 Jan 07
This topic really interested me because my daughter is 26 months and about as stubborn as they come!! So reading the other responses, I felt like they were talking about my child! Some days it felt like a battle of wills, and some days it felt like she didn't want to because *I* wanted her to. Now I don't even mention it. She's slowly starting to let me know when she wants to sit on the potty chair or the big potty (on her seat). Of course right now, she'll take off her wet or soiled diaper and come to me. As I'm cleaning her, she'll say "Potty!" and that means she wants to sit. Unfortunately, she is always telling me AFTER she goes, but she's starting to make the connection. My two boys were a breeze to train compared to her. I wish you the best!
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 07
I see a lot of great information. We been beside ourself with our son who 4 with the potty training. He does great with the pees part but the #2 forget it he goes and hides in his bedroom tells you after he does it. But now i going to try some of the things other have suggested to see if will work with him.
@minerc (1373)
• United States
4 Feb 07
I potty trained a little girl I was watching, he mom had a very hard time with it. I would take her to the bathroom every hour, sit her on the potty and read books to her. When she used the bathroom I would give her a sticker. If she did it all day the afternoon snack would be ice cream (cause that was her favorite) if she didnt do it all day we would have a different type of snack. He mom don't have problems with her now either. Good Luck!
27 Jan 07
Go and watch Look Who's Talking 2 this kid in Look Who's Talking 2 thinks the toilet is going to eat him up whole. Kids have strange notions and ideas and they get fixed in their head and they are hard to change their beliefs. Kneel on the floor in the bathroom so that you are the same height as your daughter and see things from her angle. Toilet might look enormous. The noise of the flushing water may terrify or distress her. She may not verbally convey her stress to you. She may think if I wee/pee the noise will come and that will be bad. May be the toilet seat is cold on her bottom, you could try running the water in the faucet as this triggers a need to go to the loo. Fit the potty over the toilet seat and see what happens. If she is going to wee in front of the toilet in her pants, put the pot there and say "here you go darling, in the pot," Make a song, dance and give her a cuddle. Depending on the shape of the toilet and the noise that can be scary for a kid, just think what frightens her won't frighten you. Have her flush the toilet when no one is going for a pee, and have her watch the water going down the drain, they take her in the yard and show her where the water goes and what noise it makes. Assure her that she is safe and not going to go down the drain and its okay to wee in the pot but its great to wee in the toilet because she can the wee going down the loo, into the drain and out to sea. Hope this helps, I also remember watching the Rugrats cartoon, and Chucky didn't want to potty either, Dee Dee tried all sorts. Bright blessings hun
• Nigeria
27 Jan 07
You first should not judge her with how her senior once responded to the training, because she is just a different person. Then try and find out if she is afraid of using the bathroom. Maybe she feels it is too big for her or something. If this is the case, then you should allow her to add more age. You will just have to get her something small to make use of.
• United States
27 Jan 07
I wish I could help you. I don't have kids yet, but hopefully you'll find an answer! Good luck!
@abhichin (159)
• India
27 Jan 07
Try some other tools like make her to do potty in plastic potty stands available.May be she is so small to understand anything.As she grows she will herself understand what to do and what not to do.Meanwhile its upto you to make make her what to do.Dont loose your hope.
• Pakistan
27 Jan 07
hmm I think you kid is afraid of toilet, use air freshner in the bathroom
• Philippines
27 Jan 07
my advice is you my buy the potty trainer kit that's available to any department store or baby store..i do think that its best for you to choose something that's colorful, and has music when it gets wet...so in taht way she'll be entertained and at the same time you're training her...that's what we did to my neice...and it worked...just a matter of patience...just place the potty trainer near her or near the door or wall...
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
27 Jan 07
Normally I would suggest managing her fluid intake so that you sit her on the potty right when she has to go, but your description indicates that this might not work. I suggest you speak to your pediatrician because this sounds more like a power issue, which may indicate and emotional problem.
@Island_Geko (3760)
• Canada
27 Jan 07
www.gov.mb.ca/health/documents/toilet.pdf----be sure your child is ready and establish a potty training routine with your child. These two steps are the basis for quick and stress-free potty training. However, many children will still resist, so you are not alone if you are often faced with a screaming child or one who is learning early to talk back (good luck with him or her as a teen...). Refusing to potty train can be simply frustrating, or it can have real health consequences if they chose to 'hold it' for long periods rather than use the potty. Remember to consult your paediatrician if resistance continues for a long period of time. http://www.pottytraininghowto.com/
• United States
27 Jan 07
You can buy her some cartoon character undies and make a really big deal out of how wonderful they are and how they are for big girls who go on the potty. If that does not work.... You can take all of her diapers. Well some of them anyways (donate the rest of them or give to friends. I hate to waste good items ) and take her with you outto the trash and tell her to say goodbye now to the dipaers, your a big girl and won't be wearing them anymore. Don't put them on her anymore. It sure will be a pain to worrry about her peeing on the car and everything else.. but she will catch on. I would maybe give her until almost 3 to do this.
@Riderfan (319)
• Canada
27 Jan 07
Tough spot that you're in. Maybe give her a book or something to look at while she's on the potty - it might help distract her. It may be a good idea to offer a reward for using the potty. Every child is different, but eventually she'll start using the potty.
• United States
27 Jan 07
I know your feeling like its never going to happen..but it might justtake more time.all children are different..if your first one was easy..this one will be HARD..LOL..thats just the law of parenthood lol..and boys are eassier to train in my opinion..I know many children that havent been trained till they were 3 or 4..I know with Sky..i had to dance and sing when he peed in the potty and we used stickers..but the one thing that trained him was that he wanted to go to school soo bad that i told him no school or bus unless he peed and poohed in the potty..and thats what motivated him..maybe you need something to movitvate her?Like maybe..there is something she really wants.. a new doll..doll house..i dunno what your pocket can afford..but something for her to thrive for..and put the pic on the bathroom wall or door and tell her if she pees in the poty and no more diapers she can get that as a reward? thats just a thought is all..good luck!!
@jayarajgr (818)
• India
27 Jan 07
Buy some plastic vessels which look similar and try doing it outside the toilet. Once she is comfortable using the tools, then slowly you can shift her into the toilet.