Have you been abused in a relationship but stayed anyway?

Australia
October 9, 2006 11:50pm CST
Many people, both men and women, find themselves in relationships where they are abused physically or psychologically. Then for their own reasons, that often don't make sense to their friends or outside family, choose to stay in the relationship. Is this because they have no where to turn? Is it because they don't value themselves? Is it some other reason. I am a man who was in a violent relationship. My wife has schizophrenia, but I didn't find out for years. I stayed while walls were smashed and things I cared about broken. Have any of you got a story or insight that will help us understand this type of situation?
6 responses
@LaGitana (278)
• United States
10 Oct 06
Also! I was in a marriage for many years where he cheated on me and lied to me. I was recently in a 4-year relationship where the guy cheated and lied. I knew both times. The first time I stayed because of the children, and tried not to really "know". Denial. The second time, I stayed because I didn't value myself. Come to think of it, that's really why I stayed so long with my husband, as well.
• Australia
10 Oct 06
I would consider the unfaithfullness to be a form of mental abuse. Did he abuse you at all? I don't want to pry by the way. Do you think you can spot the signs now of the type of men that stray? Or is it all men? And do you think that communication in the relationship plays any part in people being unfaithful?
@LaGitana (278)
• United States
10 Oct 06
Actually the one that really abused me was myself, for staying when I knew. As for whether I would spot that kind of man again? If I'm attracted to him, he's that kind of man. I'm pretty sure I would run if I got a "hit" on the guy.
@kelz784 (975)
• Australia
10 Oct 06
I put up with physical abuse for 2 years. The only thing i can think of for not leaving was that i had no confidence left. I did eventually leave though and wouldnt think twice about doing it again! It is hard but it has to be done.
1 person likes this
• Australia
10 Oct 06
Did your friends know what was going on? What eventually made you leave? Do you feel you have recovered? I was years before I felt normal again in relationships, and even now some things I over react to because they are similar to what happened in the past.
@kelz784 (975)
• Australia
10 Oct 06
My friends always tried to make me leave. The reason i did eventually leave was because he hurt my kitten and nearly killed him and then mum gave me the final push i needed. Im the same as you with being reminded. Even when my fiance moves fast near me i flinch. I dont think that will ever stop but it does get better.
@bhchy1 (6052)
• United States
10 Oct 06
I was in an abusive relationship but didn't do anything to get out until it affected my children too...that was what gave me the courage to get out...Now I would never allow myself to be in such a situation again...period!
1 person likes this
• Australia
10 Oct 06
I am sorry to hear you went through that. Why do you think you waited so long. Surely if the children witnessed any abuse to you, it would already have an affect on them.
@bhchy1 (6052)
• United States
10 Oct 06
I don't think they saw it...it was when he went after them that I said no more..They have had therapy..but the think that they escaped major trauma...It's hard to say as my child has Autism..it's 8 years later...and so far no signs...
1 person likes this
@indiandevil (2109)
• Rothesay, New Brunswick
19 Oct 06
Well I donno if you have read anything else I had posted but a few times I had mentioned, my boyfriend and I had problems in the past where I left him. Well this was the case I was abused physically and emotionally. I was a wreck, thing is he didn't realize he was even doing it it was the way he had been brought up, thats what some dysfunctional families do.. So because he loved me and because he really did care. With the love and support of MY family, who hated him for three years previous, but only gave him the supoort because he brke down and cried in front of them and asked them for help, he has changed. He is a totally different man from before, kind and caring, lets me do what ever I want to no questions asked and never once lays a hand on me. This is the same man that I had seen hiding behind all that anger and all that hate for years....that is why I had stayed as long as I did. I seen a man who had been hurt, broken, and torn, for many years and had no one to lean on and even though Myself and my son could not do it alone, with the help of family we made him happy because he knows he is wanted somewhere and loved. Now he has a relationship not only with me but my family, and is always invited to family gatherings, like my cousins wedding last summer, and a annivesary party, on the 28th of this month.... I am lucky though not all abuse stems from this type of abbandonment, some do it because they believe it is wrong
• United States
19 Oct 06
I stayed with my husband well he was my boyfriend at the time, he had bruised my leg and bit my hands, face and thighs. We broke up for awhile then I found out I was pregnant we've since then worked things out. We go to church and started a marriage class, things are alot better.
@rmuxagirl (7561)
• United States
10 Oct 06
I was in an abusive relationship for a couple months. He would always give me money and wouldn't allow me to spend my own earnings, I wasn't allowed to go out with friends or group meeting, he mentally abused me and stuff. The way i got out was because he was beginning to be jealous of God. That was my clue to leave.