Is Kissing OK?

United States
February 4, 2007 12:25am CST
First let me explain my family, part of it anyway. I have three children, my oldest daughter has one daughter, my son has 2 boys, my youngest daughter 3 girls. The four granddaughters have all lived with me at one time or another (with their mothers) we are very close. We snuggle during story time, hug and kiss frequently. I tell them daily I love them, they tell each other the same. My grandsons, by 2 different women, were each taken away by their mothers shortly after birth, 5 and 6 years ago. We have finally located them and my son has been granted visitation. We have spent the last six months visiting the boys and getting reacquainted with them. We wanted to take things slowly as it is a major adjustment for them. Imagine being told you not only have a father, but an extended family of over 100 people. But the boys seem to have adjusted well. Anyhow, the younger boy is constantly kissing his girl cousins. At first we teased him telling him he couldn't be their boyfriend because they are related. Now I'm not sure if he is doing it in a flirting manner or if he is just trying to fit in because he sees the rest of us being so demonstrative. Any ideas?
16 people like this
52 responses
• Philippines
4 Feb 07
children are considered ammoral. they don't have any malice with themselves unless you introduce malice in them. you should not mention words like boyfriends/girlfriends because they don't really know what it means to them and what do these two people do. i think it is ok to see them kissing because it is a form of their affection with each other. as i told you, you should not put malice into it. kids are kids. let them remain who they are.
4 people like this
@winky73 (1396)
• United States
4 Feb 07
That was a great way of putting it joygermino....I totaly agree with you.They will grow up soon enough.
• United States
5 Feb 07
I agree with what you are saying, however I am this particular child's aunt and it is my daughter that he chases around the house. I think that alot of it is in fun but like my mom said before he just recently came back into our lives. Do to this our family has not had a lot of influence in his life and the hole boyfriend/girlfriend thing has already been introduced to him. I don't think that he is doing anything out of place for a five year old, but at times we have a hard time getting him to stop and I think that is where the concern kicks in.
1 person likes this
• Australia
5 Feb 07
At 5 he just needs to bu guided in how to behave appropriately with relatives. He sounds like the role models he has had are less than admirable and he just needs someone to guide him through the complex maze of family relationships and behavious. If his older half brother is coping and behaving properly enlist his support to help the 5 year old adjust to this new family.
@phorie (21)
• Australia
4 Feb 07
I don't think there's anything wrong with it, so long as the girls aren't upset by it. If it does look inappropriate rather than just innocent, maybe it would be best to step in, or to speak to him mother (if you're on speaking terms).
3 people like this
• United States
4 Feb 07
I wouldn't worry about it unless he is exhibiting other worrisome behaviour. He may be trying to fit in or he just might be a very affectionate person. Just make sure boundaries are clearly set and no one is being forced to give affection when they don't want to because that can really be upsetting for children. If it continues or escalates then sit him down or have his father sit him down and talk to him about it alone don't bring attention to it in front of everyone that cold embarass and upset him and that's enver the way to go.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Feb 07
Thanks for the support, you've raised some good points. We don't force any of the kids to give affection, its just the way the girls are raised and they have also been told they have the right to say no to anyone touching them. With the boys I am waiting. I so want to hug them and so them affection, but for right now I have to settle ruffling their hair or a quick pat on the back. Once in a while I'll ask for a hug but always respect their "no," and tell them it is ok.
@Amore1 (25)
• United States
4 Feb 07
I am curious, have you asked him why they get all the luvin? Making light of it, something like "did they give you extra cookies or something?" teasing I'm sure you know what I mean. His answer could give you additional insight as to how he is feeling at this point and all kinds of other little details. It certainly sounds like you are doing all you can to make sure the children feel loved and secure. I admire you.
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
4 Feb 07
well i wouldnt be too worried since it sounds like they had a lack of love and affection for a long time, and now they've found half of their families they're absolutely eager to show all of you how much they love you and care. Unless it went further i wouldn't worry and i'd enjoy the fact that family is reunited again :)
2 people like this
• Philippines
4 Feb 07
i think it's normal as long as that there's no malice attach. children sometimes so close to each other. they are happy and excited when they saw other children to play with. and, sometimes children happens to kiss each other. i guess it's pretty normal because sometimes my nephews and nieces do that as well.
• India
4 Feb 07
It depends on age no need to worry about it. childhood days every one will like. i think even Childs are don't know how to flirt take it easy. but from childhood we need to control those activities. after young age they are not control, we can't control them.
2 people like this
@emeraldisle (13146)
• United States
4 Feb 07
Depending on the age he could be doing it to get attention. I've known some children to do this. Instead of acting out in more usual ways they go around kissing everyone. It might pass if ignored or you might want to talk to him about it. Try showing him some extra attention when he's not doing the kissing and see what happens.
• United States
4 Feb 07
Well that is a hard one. I would suggest speaking with him the next time this happens in a manner that is not teasing. Do this privately as you do not want to embarrass him. But gently explain that even though we all love one another kissing hello or goodbye is acceptable on the cheek. But because we are family our kissing is just re-affirming our love for eachother as family members. It is not ok to keep kissing your cousin for any other reason. I am sure he will understand and this behavior will stop once he understands. Sometimes as adults we find things so cute that the children do that we forget that they may not understand that it is not proper. Best wishes on your newest family members it sounds like they couldn't be more loved.
2 people like this
• India
4 Feb 07
no i think no.
1 person likes this
• Iran
4 Feb 07
there is big different between affection and trying to fit in. if u can take a closer look, you will get to know. we are in generation of fast growing children, you can't doubt what they could do. take closer look, affection will take total control of feeling which can not be hidden.
1 person likes this
@yaneeps (122)
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
i think it depends on the age of the boy. if he's too young to have crushes or interests in girls, then his kisses are all innocent. it also depends on his environment. i mean, if everybody treats him as a kid and his innocence (mind and body) had been preserved, then there's no malice in his kisses. but, if he reads tabloids and watches adult films at a very young age, there is a chance that you might need to talk to him. i suggest that you observe his actions and his relationships with other people.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
I guesss the kid is just trying to fit in, after all he never knew these people right? and now that he sees it in your family, i guess he's just following the way you greet each other. but still you have to see if he's doing some other odd things. then you can even talked to him seriously and check it out if you think he has that tendency.
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
kissing is ok unless you dont put malice on eat. Kissing with your relative is ok and even you boyfriend and girlfriend, its ok. But let us bear in our mind that their are certain limitations when you kiss your relatives, girlfriends or boyfriends. Let us not get into the point that we are doing it for the reason that we are going to seduce a person.
1 person likes this
• Australia
5 Feb 07
It depends on how old the boy are? I would think that he is only trying to fit in because all of you are showing affection and all like that. I mean if he is just a little boy, I doubt that he is flirting with her. I dont think it is anything that you should worry about. After all they are just kids. If the girl cousins feels okay with it and not uncomfortable or anything then I would say to just let them at it :)
@Fluplup (556)
• United States
5 Feb 07
This is very hard, because you don't know what is causing for him to act like this with his cousins. I just know my cousin when he came see us, spend days in our house, he was holding hands with us, was very happy (I have 2 more sisters), I was thinking that time, he just love us very much, he looked us like we're his sisters too, and he miss us when he have to go back to his mom (my godmother) house the next 3-4 months. Nothing more happend ever. If you think is a problem you should talk to a professional, sorry this much I can tell you right now!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
You missed one important point about the manner of kissing by those kids. Was it a lips to lips kiss or jsut the cheek kiss? If it was the former then that could be alarming. Nothing to be serious about regarding the latter. Since those boys did not grew up with you, I suggest you have to do some behavior investigation, which I think quite hard for you. The best that you can do is to be very observant when they are around. Maybe you can alaso ask the girls about their impressions og the bodys without actually asking them straightly whether those boys are making some malicious advancements. I hope you can get some ingformation from the story of the girls and there on make your conclusion. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@pclife (246)
• Malaysia
5 Feb 07
Sorry, I think it's about your culture that allowing kissing other than your own husband/wife. Thus,Your Son will copy whatever they see & learn from their parent & surroundings . I'm living in asian country & my customs didn't allow us kissing in that way ....
1 person likes this
@lifeiseasy (2292)
• United States
5 Feb 07
From what I could gather he is about 5 so I wouldn't worry about his behavior ,maybe he feels loved more and likes to make sure everyone else knows that they are loved by giving them kisses as well ...only time will reallt tell ,usally when boys get alittle older grls will have cooties so I am sure he will grow out of some of thsi ..I hope not all its nice to se a man give attention to his woman ...
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
It sounds to me like you're handling things the same way I would. I agree that if he's showing other behaviors besides the kissing, then there may be a reason to worry. I think he's just following what he sees and feels the loving environment. Maybe he's content with his new found family. I wish you the best, although something tells me everything is moving along just great!
• United States
5 Feb 07
We kiss all of the time in my family, and in Italian families, it is quite the common thing.
1 person likes this