Is being a stay-at-home mom worth it for you?

United States
February 5, 2007 8:57am CST
A guy proposed marriage to me a year ago. He said, though, that should we be married, I should be a stay-at-home mom. I had mixed feelings about it, that's why I didn't accept his proposal. I wanted to hear from you if you think giving up your previous job was worth it. I really wanted to know because I think I'm cut out to work (and get a salary) than stay at home and do chores (without pay!). Taking care of my kids is fine, but keeping the house -- I don't know if I could be a good wife even if I could be a good mother.
5 people like this
57 responses
• United States
5 Feb 07
I work part-time. This allows me money, but also gives me the time to be home with my kids. This also gives me that breather from the house sometimes. My kids, and being with them means more to me than any job. Their kisses, hugs, and talks, make my day. That's great pay enough. I'm not much of a housekeeper.. but I know how to clean things up, so that I'm not spending hours cleaning every day. I also cook meals that don't take 2 years and forever to make. Sometimes you have to shorten the time with other things to make time for things that really matter the most to you. If your job means more then your kids.. let the day care raise them, you make your money, and spend less time with your kids. I mean after all they don't have a choice in the matter. I'm not saying you have to be a SAHM... but there are things you can do that equal it all out. You're human after all!
2 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 07
Thanks for the input! Given the choice, I would choose my kids. They would be my life! I'm quite sure about being a good mother -- but being a wife is my doubt (because I'm hopeless at house cleaning and cooking--hehe). You're right still, there is a need to give priority to what values one most, and if others can do it (like you can work part-time), then I have hope! Thanks again!
@limosonia1 (1560)
• United States
5 Feb 07
I could not be a stay at home mom. I am to career driven although my children are my life. I like going out and working it makes me feel better about myself I tried staying home with the kids because we really didn't need the money and drove myself crazy. Although the internet wasn't as big back them LOL. Maybe it would be different now.
• United States
5 Feb 07
Yes, I have gotten responses that moms who stay at home can make money out of the internet. That's really being resourceful and I applaud SAHM's for this! Perhaps you are going towards this direction, too. I'm career-driven just like you and I can understand that it's really hard to give up career for domestic life.
• United States
5 Feb 07
I actually do work part time in the corp. world and part time at home which works out well for me. I sometimes exspecially in the mornings wonder if I should just work from home fulltime. That last until my shower is done and the kids are off to school. Then I look forward to getting to work.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
Hi! I think you can pretty well juggle your time between home and work. I'm glad it works for you that way. I wish I would be able to do it, too! Thanks for the comment!
@labesi (22)
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
Yes. i think marriage gives a person commitment to take care of the kids, the spouse and the house. when there are kids the house is a mess and the parents should take care of that. but dont forget the utmost commitment to look after ourselves. It's always worthy to spend time with people i love. and the kids will grow so soon and i don't really have to stay home.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
You totally understand about being committed to being a mother. You're right..there is a place and time for everything. Thanks for the response!
@lpetges (3036)
• United States
6 Feb 07
i was a stay at home mom and took in other kids as well, so mine had friends to play with. As i look back (they are grown now), i'm glad i did stay at home. But, these days it is really hard to be able to do that. So i give credit to the moms who work and stay at home, it is a big sacrifice either way...
1 person likes this
• India
6 Feb 07
I am a stay at home mom and I love it. It gives me the freedom to take care of my kids well without depending on servants and coaching classes. I am also able to pursue my hobbies like music and writing without any thoughts of work interruptions. I am independent too because I am a free lance writer who operates from home.
@XxAngelxX (2833)
• Canada
5 Feb 07
That is a decision you have to make on your own. I know a lot of people who make great stay at home moms but I also have some friends who are just better mothers when they are working. If you feel you need to work then that is probably exactly what you need to do. If we are forced into doing something, there is very little chance we are going to enjoy it and this just makes things worse in the end. I am at stay at home mom, but it was more by choice than because anyone told me I had to. I probably would have kept working if I'd been told I "had" to be a stay at home mom.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
Thanks for the great response! That really helped.
• Italy
6 Feb 07
i think like you
• United States
6 Feb 07
as much as I love my children being a stay at home mom was NOT in my best interest. I hated being stuck at home every day & hated the feeling of having to ask my husband for money. having to ask him if I could go some place or if we could do something different. I also hated the roles he put me in...barefoot & pregnant was not for me. I lOVE being independant & having my own money! Making my own choices...not letting my man be the only bread winner. ITs a good feeling inside. Im not saying being a stay at home mom is wrong but its NOT for everyone...and it doesnt make you a bad mother if you want to work either. Its different for everyone.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 07
Yes, people are different, and what works for one may not work for another. It takes so much skill and hardwork to be a working mom. Since I believe in the power of a woman, we have learned to balance everything pretty well. Thanks for your opinion!
@NancyLobo (681)
• India
6 Feb 07
If you really think of a good family life then it is better for a women to stay at home when kids are born unless you have a good support system, your mom or his mom to look after the kids while you work otherwise there is a lotof turmoil and stress you can try to do some work from your house if you want to earn something, but you should be happy otherwise you can't make others happy it should be your decision what you want to do. so pray and decide what is best for you. All the best
• United States
6 Feb 07
Yes, it's really important to be guided on this. I think if ever, I would like to take care of my kids myself. I want to see them grow. Guess it takes some learning to balance everything. Thanks for responding!
• Philippines
6 Feb 07
you know friend I've always wanted to be stay at home mom because I want to have at least 6 childred and fo me its fulfilling to see your childred or guiding them by your own.
• United States
6 Feb 07
I know, it's going to be unmatched fulfillment. Thanks for your response!
@victorwzj (539)
6 Feb 07
you did the right thing. If I were that guy I will respect your decision and I personally encourage that women should work and it can help the families to have better life. If women doing part time it would be the best since this way the women can take care of the house and earn something to help the families too. I know that nothing perfect but I this is what I think and I thought that it is the best thing to do.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 07
Yes, I agree. My decision should have at least been considered. With the difficulties these days (like living expenses and education costs), it's indeed more advisable to have couples help each other out. Thanks for the response!
@mommyaiai (295)
• United States
6 Feb 07
yeah i think its worth coz i have a daughter to taking care of,i don't want other people to take care of my daughter.I don't trust them,its good if you are the one who take care of your family so that there is a good bonding.I will just wait until my daughter go to school then that's the time i'm going to work.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 07
I would be doing the same thing if I were you because I wouldn't want to miss the marvel of seeing my kid grow from day one till the time that he/she is old enough to be on his/her own. Thanks for the response!
• United States
6 Feb 07
I think it is a great idea to be a stay at home mom...I am a Stay @ home mom...I love everyday of it & wouldnt change it for the world..BUT i do wish i still worked..I quit my job when i got pregnany with my baby now 8 weeks old...I miss working alot & wish i was still there but then again my kids are mor important to me ...Being the one who brings home the money isnt as important...Keeping usy & not being bored is the worst part about it though..My baby keeps me busy BUT i get bored being at home all the time & not able to go anywhere...house work on the other hand I am very very blessed ..I have a wonderful husband who does all of that...If i dont want to I dont have to do any of it...But that makes me really lazy at times..So my advice to you is: Do what makes you happy..If working makes you happy & helps you know that you are a good mother by providing for them & all then go for it...If being home with htem is what would be best for them & you & not stress you out to the point of no return..then do that....You have to make YOU happy first or noone else will be happy .... YOU cant be miserable while trying to make others happy ..It wont work that way.... GOD BLESS & GOOD LUCK....
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 07
A very good advice indeed! Misery really loves company, so if I wouldn't be happy, I should not go on with it otherwise I wouldn't be able to make others happy as well. Thanks so much for the input!
• Australia
5 Feb 07
Like most of the responses I would have to say that you have to make that choice. I can only share my experiences. I was working right up until 12 months ago. I worked after the birth Eamon, and then when Lloyd was born I still worked and I was still working when Kelsey was born. I was lucky enough to have a husband who stayed at home mainly due to the fact he couldnt get a job. I think age played a lot in that. Then 12 months ago he landed a great job. Which mean't I had to give up work because we both agreed it would be better for the children to have one parent on hand. Sadly, I gave up work to become a stay at home mother. My husband thought that it would be good for me to experience the joys of raising a family as well as a chance for nme to take it slow. Of course after 3 months he thought he might have to give up work so I could go back to work. He told me that he hadnt realised it was a big adjustment, and I told him that it would be fine and sometimes I get bored. So I created a new life, I sometimes sell products at the markets, I do on line selling, I even create websites for companies and most of this can be done at home.Currently when I am not here I am designing my own childrens labels. And with all this going on I am running the kids around, cooking cleaning and all the usual mum things. Being a stay at home mum I think is what you are willing to put into it. Big bonus I have is watching the children grow. I missed out on the boys when they were little but I have been lucky enough to watch my daughter grow from birth to now. Its been a pleasure
• United States
6 Feb 07
I think you are very successful at making some money. Not a lot of people have the creativity that you have. I would always think that being a SAHM could be a full-time job. You definitely changed my mind because you can do so many things. Thanks for responding!
• United States
5 Feb 07
While I great enjoy being a stay at home mom, if that had been the conditions of the proposal, I would have said "No Way!" I actually had refused to be a stay at home mom, until I had my son. I love being home with him, but I get major cabin fever too. I am currently looking for a part time job so that I can work, like I used to, but still be able to be home most of the time with my son.
• United States
5 Feb 07
I guess it could also happen to me because I like kids! I will more likely change my mind eventually about having doubts being a SAHM. Thanks for the input!
@34momma (13896)
• United States
5 Feb 07
if that is how you feel then you have to let him know that. let be honest with him about your feelings. never start any relationship with things like this weighing on your mind. i was blessed to be able to do both. i was a stay at home mom with my boys. when my younger one was 3 i had to go back to work. i now have a 2 year old little girl and i really miss the fact that i could not stay home with her. but i love working and i so need the money. do what feels right for you is all i can so
• United States
5 Feb 07
I admire you for being able to manage both things: family and work. Thanks for responding!
@dawn5679 (266)
• United States
5 Feb 07
being a stay at home mom is worth it to me because I get to raise my children and watch them grow! Also it saves 800 dollars a month in child care.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
It's THAT expensive a month for childcare? Geez.. thanks for the info! Thanks too for the response. I'm really learning a lot from here.
@mw6961 (50)
• India
5 Feb 07
yes it is worth.if not for the full life time. it would be good if you stay home till your kid grow up and start going to school.but of course finally you have to decide.
• United States
5 Feb 07
The kids are really the reason for being a SAHM and for that alone, it's really worth it. Thanks for the response!
@sylviekitty (2083)
• United States
5 Feb 07
What makes it worth it to me is that in the early years, I have had full control over what my kids have been exposed to. I was not interested in having other people (daycare) raise my children. Not to say daycare is bad- it just wasn't for me, and not something I felt I wanted for my kids. Also, financially, it didn't make much sense to work. It was a better option to be a SAHM. But it's hard work. I have nobody to talk to except for online, or if you count my little kids. There are times when I go nuts and just want to run away. It's tiring. And often I don't feel appreciated- by either my kids (which I expect) or my husband (which is probably typical). Don't even ask me about housework. LOL
• United States
5 Feb 07
That's very cute but I think you're doing pretty well as a SAHM! I also don't believe in other people taking care of my kids especially during their early years. I do believe that being with the kids is reward enough and the sacrifice of every mom is unmatched. Thanks for the response!
• United States
5 Feb 07
I am currently a stay at home mother and actually love it. I love being able to see the new things that our daughter does and be able to see my husbands face when he comes home and the house is clean and dinner is waiting for him. He loves being able to know that after his busy work day that he will be able to come home to me and not have to worry about having different work hours. I love being able to give him that satisfaction when he gets home he can relax a 120%.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
You are indeed cut out for being a very good stay-at-home mom! I'm happy for you because you are happy with what you are doing. Now, I'm getting inspired. Thanks for the response!
• Netherlands
5 Feb 07
Wow - that's a huge thing to hang marriage on! I think it's impossible to know if staying at home is for you until you try it for a while. It's a hard job. It's been hard for me sometimes to get over the feeling that I'm not "contributing" by working and bringing home a paycheck, and I've been home with the kids for 6 years! But it is also amazing to really see them grow, and to know that it is you, instead of a daycare, that is guiding them in their earliest years. It's very rewarding - you just have to force yourself to remember that sometimes. Good luck, I hope some of the answers here help you make the choice that is right for you. And...just my opinion, you might want to explain to your guy, if you don't want to stay home with the kids, that it does the kids no good to have a stay at home mom if the mom isn't happy...the kids just end up having to spend time with a grumpy and unsatisfied person all day, which isn't a good example for them. Good Luck, and Happy wishes! oh...and congrats on the proposal!
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
Yes, marriage and having a family is a total sacrifice. Thus, there is a great need to think twice or thrice before making a decision. Thanks for the response!
• United States
5 Feb 07
If I have a child, I would like to stay home with my kid. It would be cheaper in some peoples circumstances who only make minimal wage. Also, I don't want someone else raising my child. Putting their opinions and etc... in my child's head. Plus, you cannot trust anyone anymore to take care of your child. There is no telling what people do to the kids and usually the child is too young to tell.
• United States
5 Feb 07
It's right. I would rather take care of my own child. If I wouldn't be able to balance my time between family and work, I would still prioritize the kids. Thanks for the response!
@lisagayle (395)
• United States
5 Feb 07
If you are worried about being a good mom, I think that it a sign of the fact that you are concincious enough to be a good mom, as far as being a stay at home mom, it has been wonderful fo 11 years and counting, yes, we have to budget, butthe time and effort that you put into teaching your children is very rewarding, my daughter is doing great in school and has a good head on her shoulders, if I worked, I could not spend time with her like she needs and she might not be doing so well in school, and yes I worked 3 jobs until I could not work any more. So staying at home is not at all a bad chioce if you ask me.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
It's good to hear that the rewards of having to see your kids grow is more than enough! I'm beginning to see things the way SAHM's would see it. Thanks for the response!